


Powder Days

by Colorkiller



Category: Love Island (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Chaos, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Mountains, Skiing, Slow Burn, Smut, Snowboarding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:42:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 75,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27202648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Colorkiller/pseuds/Colorkiller
Summary: El moved to Colorado to chase a dream.  Breckenridge felt like home, and everything was falling into place until she faced unspeakable tragedy.Henrik is there to catch her fall, but when Bobby shows up for a skiing trip with his friends, he sends her into a tailspin and old wounds are opened again.
Relationships: Bobby McKenzie/Original Character(s), Henrik/Main Character (Love Island), Ibrahim/Jo (Love Island), Noah/Priya (Love Island)
Comments: 132
Kudos: 54





	1. Snowflake (green)

**Author's Note:**

> I told myself I wasn't going to start posting this until I had the ending written and only needed to edit edit edit, but that was a lie. I mean, I've got 61 pages of this behemoth, so THEORETICALLY I have time to dick around and decide how to end this. Or not. Who's to say? Anyway I'm posting TWO chapters tonight. I'm not going to spoil this more than the tags will but suffice to say that this story took a turn away from me, I miss snowboarding like WILD and this is what I've been working on for over a year to get over it. And yet, it's more smut than mountains. Don't let me start anymore projects. 
> 
> a special shout out to the litg discord for validating me and telling me that yes, we need a snowboarding fic for whatever reason. hope y'all enjoy and if you feel like it, leave feedback ;-;

“Oh, god, why did I think this was a good idea?” Bobby muttered to himself. He loved snow, he loved the cold, and he loved vacations where he got to hang out on mountains with his closest friends. What he didn’t love so much was holding hands with an annoyed blond man and skidding his way down a bunny hill. Not to mention the bruises on his ass were definitely going to be legendary. 

Gary, (as he’d ascertained from a name tag clinging to his coat) was wandering after him, occasionally shouting out half hearted encouragement. Bobby had gone down the hill quite a few times by now, and even if he was starting to get it down, he was a little annoyed that his instructor’s heart was apparently not in it.

While Bobby was internally cursing himself for thinking taking up snowboarding was a good idea, and subsequently face planting in the snow, Gary caught sight of some girls hopping on the magic carpet. It wasn’t lost on Bobby that the man (who he hadn’t bothered asking what part of London he was from because frankly he didn’t care) was way more interested in helping them than continuing Bobby’s lesson. 

“Oy, mate, I know you just fell, but I think you’re good to go.” Gary helped Bobby up, brushing some snow off of his shoulders. “Go give a green run a shot, I gotta go see if they need some help.” 

“Yeah, okay, sure.” Bobby tried to sound convincing, but even if Gary was paying attention, he’d already grabbed his board and headed up the hill. 

“Great.” Bobby kneaded his forehead. Anyone else who even remotely looked like they might be an instructor was busy, so he shrugged to himself and decided to take a chance on the lift. “Just like the magic carpet.” He told himself, sighing. When Chelsea had gotten the idea in her head that they’d take a two week vacation to Colorado (Breckenridge, in particular) he’d gotten it in his head that he’d take up snowboarding. He’d stayed up many nights watching videos on how to snowboard. It looked so cool, and god knows he wanted to feel cool. 

Priya, Noah, and Jonno had also come along, but they were all skiing. Bobby knew how to ski, sure, he’d taken trips with his family and friends before, but he was bored with it. Now, he was worried he might leave this place on a stretcher. He mentioned to the lift operator that he was new, and he hit the chair with a few tips on what to do at the top, along with a good luck wish. 

Miraculously, he made it off of the lift unscathed, and for a moment, he tried to figure out which run to head down. One of them was green, and the other was a black diamond, but he couldn’t find a sign to save his life. He plopped down in the snow to bind his boot into his board. He crossed his gloved fingers for a split second before rocking his way to a start.

For a moment, he felt fine, he was linking turns, and braking when he felt like he was getting too fast. Then, he got just a little too close to a tree and got spooked, and toppled into the snow. 

“Shit.” He muttered, kicking his board up so he could roll onto his stomach. 

“Hey, stay down!” He heard a feminine voice call out to him, and he shoved his face in the snow. 

“Oh, fuck my life.” He muttered. 

She stood in line, adjusting her gloves and kicking snow off of her board. She didn’t recognize the lift operator.  _ Must be a new guy. _ She caught sight of him giving a guy on a rented snowboard tips, or, at least, that’s what it looked like from where she stood, a few chairs back from him. She’d seen it a dozen times, and she narrowed her eyes as she watched him hit the chair and cling to it for life. 

_ Put the damn safety bar down!  _

She managed to keep an eye on him while she rode up the lift, curling her free leg under her for a moment. The two kids on skis ahead of her looked back to see her lounging, and she watched their mouths fall open. She stretched her arms out over the back of the lift, letting her board sway beneath her. She watched as the snowboarder seemed stuck on which run to take, and prepared herself for a quick takeoff. 

She facepalmed as he, after a long moment of indecision, picked the black diamond to run down, and skated her ass off to catch up once she was off the lift. The skiers almost got in her way, but when they saw how fast she was moving, they quickly sidestepped to make way. 

She rode down the run after him with her back foot out of the binding, just in case she needed to lose her board. So far, he was doing alright, but he cut it too close to a tree and bailed out. 

“Hey, stay down!” She called, and chuckled to herself as he buried his head in the snow. She hit the brakes in front of him, plopping down in the snow as he got to his knees. 

“You alright?” She asked, pushing her goggles up onto her helmet. “I saw you fall, you’re not hurt or anything?” 

“Nah, just bruised my ego.” He quipped. She shook her head and though she laughed softly, her eyes were dark with concern. “No, really, I’m fine.” 

“First day?” She asked. He nodded. “I wouldn’t have picked a black diamond for my first day, but to each their own, I guess.” She teased him, and he swore under his breath. 

“I thought this was the green run!” 

“Yeah, they’re not marked too terribly well here. Someone took out the signs a few weeks ago and they never bothered replacing them. I’m gonna get on Simon’s ass about it, though.” She muttered. Before he could ask her any of the questions she saw growing in his eyes, she popped up, offering him her hand. “Come on, it’s dangerous to sit here. You’re lucky they groomed this morning or we’d be dealing with moguls.” 

“Who let rich guys sit on the mountain?” Bobby joked, and she rolled her eyes at him. He took her hand, and she stuck her foot under his board as she helped him up. He found himself shocked that she could keep her balance, but it was clear that she was a pro. 

“Come on, I’ll follow you down the mountain and give you some pointers.” She offered, before pulling her goggles down again. Even though he couldn’t see her face, she had a lovely voice, and she had the presence of someone trustworthy, who wouldn’t steer him wrong. He could hope, anyway. 

“Come  _ on,  _ Rookie! Use your falling leaf!” She called, waving him forward. He reluctantly rocked his way to a smooth glide, and she followed him, occasionally calling out for him to adjust. He slid to a stop at the bottom, and she grinned at him. “Hey, you survived!” She slapped him on the back. She caught him searching for a name tag, and she laughed. “Oh, uh, you can call me El.” She stuck her hand out, inviting him to shake it and introduce himself. 

“Er, yeah, me too.” He tripped over his words, and when she laughed he realized what he’d said. “No, I mean, my name’s Bobby.” He shook her hand, and she seemed impressed with his grip. 

“Cool.” 

“So what’s El short for?” He asked, before he could stop himself. 

“It’s short for something, and maybe one day you’ll find out what.” She nodded to a different lift, which looked longer than the one he’d gone on before he’d met El. He balked, and she rolled her eyes at him. “You’re never going to learn if you’re scared of the lift.” She started skating, and he followed her, even though he couldn’t shake the thought that he was going to end up breaking a bone. 

“So, let me guess.” She framed his face with her fingers as they waited in line. “You got a lesson from Gary.” 

“How’d you know?” Bobby raised his eyebrows as she pushed her goggles up again. Her eyes were a brilliant shade of green that he was sure he’d never seen before. 

“Just a guess.” She shrugged. “Kidding, I work here.” She pulled her face mask down as they sat on the chairlift, and he about fell off. His jaw dropped. He’d thought she was pretty with half of her face covered, but somehow, the great reveal of her lips and jawline sent him over the edge. She was  _ stunning.  _ “What? Something in my teeth?” She frowned, and he shook his head. 

“Uh, n-no, I just--”  _ Wow, smooth. _ He coughed to clear his throat. “You’re stunning.” 

She snorted and rolled her eyes at him. “Ok, Casanova.” She kicked snow off of her board, before twisting her legs so it would rest on the back of her foot. 

“No, I mean--” 

“I’m fucking with you, Bobby, relax.” She grinned at him, as though to prove it. 

“Oh, of course.” He leaned back slightly, but she saw that he was gripping the edge of his seat. 

“You’re not going to fall off.” She told him. 

“You don’t know that!” He protested. 

“I think I do, actually.” She retorted, sticking her tongue out at him. “I didn’t want to brag, but I’m the head snowboarding instructor here.” 

“And they let you have a day off?” 

“Yeah, aren’t you glad I didn’t decide to go to Keystone after all?” She teased. “I  _ should  _ be charging you by the minute, but you seem fun, so I’m offering a freebie. As long as you make sure to leave me a great review!” 

“I mean, I will--” 

“Oh my god, Bobby.” She laughed again, shaking her head. “You’re funny.” She lightly punched his shoulder, calling his attention to the top of the lift. “Get ready, Rookie.” She told him, and he prepared himself, uttering a silent prayer. He didn’t often pray, but maybe one of the deities above would take pity on him and allow him to disembark without falling on his ass and embarrassing himself in front of the hottest bird he’d seen in years. 

She didn’t say anything, and just eyed him, ready to reach out and grab the back of his jacket in case he fell. He made it off the lift without needing her assistance, however. 

“Hey, Mama Bones!” A voice called from the lift booth, and El swore under her breath as she caught an edge and fell onto her board. She managed to turn so she would skid to a stop in front of the booth. 

“Riko Suave, you son of a bitch!” She cried out, splaying her leg out and tugging on her highback to help herself up. Bobby tentatively skated towards them. He rushed out of the booth and threw his arms around her. “What in blue hell are you doing working the lift today? I thought you were doing indoor climbing lessons.” 

“I am, but Simon called and begged me to help out today. My next lessons aren’t until 5:30 anyway.” 

“Oh, you must have done an early session.” She caught him eyeing Bobby. “This is Bobby, Gazball left him for dead.” 

“I’m sure he didn’t.” 

“Bobby, this is Henrik. He loves mountain climbing and occasionally snowboarding.” She narrowed her eyes at the long haired blond man. “And yes, he absolutely did. This is the fifth time this week!” She huffed. “He’s going to get his ass fired if he doesn’t start paying better attention to the male lessons.” She turned her attention to Bobby, then. “He left you to go help a girl, didn’t he?” She asked, and Bobby stiffened. “It’s fine, he won’t know you said anything, and I’m not trying to get him fired.” 

“Yeah, two girls, actually.” Bobby admitted, and El turned back to Henrik. 

“Ha! See? I told you. Do you have a radio to the magic carpet?” She asked. He pursed his lips before nodding. 

“Yeah, but I don’t know if I should let you have it. I think you might kill him!” Henrik joked, but handed her the radio anyway. 

“Magic carpet, you got a copy?” 

“Sure do, Bones, what’s up?”

“Gaz, you have got to stop moving on from your snowboarders before they’re ready. I’m saving your ass again.” 

“Maybe don’t take days off, then!” Bobby could hear the man’s voice crackling over the radio. 

“Maybe don’t ignore your male clients for beautiful women and we wouldn’t be discussing this.” She kneaded her temples. “Look, I’m just trying to look out for you. You’re going to lose your certification if you keep doing this shit, dude.” She grumbled. “We’ll chat tomorrow morning.” 

“Oh, yeah, looking forward to it.” Gary replied sarcastically. 

“It’s fine with me if you want to lose your job!” She retorted, before handing the radio back to Henrik. “I’m probably going to have to write him up for this, since he won’t take it seriously.” She sighed, shaking her head. “I really hate to have to do it, but this just keeps happening.” 

“You know how he is, Fr--” 

“Henrik!” She interrupted him. “I’m gonna show our Rookie over here some skills, we’ll chat later.” 

The blond nodded and flashed a thumb’s up. She led Bobby to a somewhat flat area, where she strapped her boot in while standing up. From his position on the ground, he watched her kick her board into the snow. 

“We’ll have you doing that standing in no time.” She told him, and he eyed her in disbelief. 

“How?” 

“Heel edge. Just like hitting the brakes. And someday you’ll probably be able to do it while moving.” 

“Oh, yeah right.” He scoffed, and she shrugged. 

“I thought that, too, once. And here I am.” 

“So did Gary teach you?” He asked her as he got up.

“Ha! No.” She rolled her eyes. “I taught  _ him _ , like a year after I started here. Then, a couple years after, he started teaching.” She shook her head. “I’m not convinced he didn’t do it just to get l--” 

“Bonesy!” She heard Henrik call from the lift booth. She turned, and saw that he was grinning. “Gaz is  _ pissed _ !” The Swede laughed, and El giggled. 

“Serves him right!” She flashed him a peace sign before turning back to Bobby. “Ready?” 

“Not really.” He admitted, and she shook her head, tutting. 

“Sure you are.” She jumped, and he watched in awe as she leapt up and down, kicking herself forward a little more each time. “Come on, we’re burning daylight.” She headed down, and he took a deep breath as he followed her. Every once in a while, she would stop and call out a tip or encouragement to him. He only fell once, and when he got to the bottom, she looked thrilled. 

“You’re doing great.” She praised him. 

“It seems like I snagged the best teacher on the mountain.” He told her, surprised at how smooth he was. 

“Ha!” She ducked her head, and if she hadn’t had her face mask pulled up, he might have seen the blush tinting her cheeks. “Okay, we’re gonna get you on a blue run soon.” She told him, before unbinding her back boot and skating off toward a lift. He hastily copied her, catching up to her just in time to hit a chair. 

“It’s a slow day.” She leaned back, pulling down her face mask. Snow fell quietly all around them, and she was quiet for a time. “Your accent…” She pursed her lips. “Scottish, yeah?” 

“Good ear.”

“I’m actually from Scotland.” She told him. “Glasgow.” 

“But you don’t have the accent.” He wrinkled his nose, and she laughed softly. 

“Yeah, well, it was less annoying to adopt an American one. Stopped all the questions cold.” She pushed her goggles up and squinted at him. “Don’t tell me, you’re Glaswegian, too.” 

“How did you--” 

“I think I saw you around when I was younger.” She joked, sticking her tongue out. “Lucky guess, actually.” 

“What made you come out here?” He asked, a little shyly. 

“This is where snowboarding began, so I guess I wanted to try and lay down roots here.” She shrugged. “I started out on dry slopes, and resorts in Edinburgh when I could get out there. I always knew I wanted to make something more of it.” 

“So you compete?” 

“Used to.” She looked away. He could see that it was a sensitive subject, and he fought back questions. He looked forward, instead, after all, she may open up to him later on. They were near the top, and he poked her side gently. 

“We might want to get ready.” 

“Shit, yeah.” She nodded, shifting in her seat slightly. “Looks like pretty soon you’ll be teaching me.” She teased, and he shook his head furiously. Once they skated off the lift, she turned to him. “No, really, you’re doing great for this being your first day. Don’t think I missed you linking your turns.” She was grinning. 

“I think that’s more down to your teaching than it is me.” He shrugged, and she snorted before pulling up her face mask. 

“Race ya to the bottom!” She cried before taking off. He was still ratcheting his binding by the time she was careening down the mountain. 

“Hey! That’s not fair!” He called after her, rocking himself to a start. She hit the brakes, slowing for just a moment to look back at him and wave. He imagined the shit eating grin she must be wearing under that mask as he picked up speed. 

“Don’t be scared!” She yelled back at him before turning back down the mountain. Bobby decided to take her advice, even though his heart was thumping against his ribcage in terror as he picked up speed and closed the distance between them. El hazarded a glance backward and saw him gaining on her, and she yelped in surprise as she started carving. 

“Dammit, I’m on the wrong board for this!” She cried as he overtook her, but she was laughing. And so was he. He looked back over his shoulder to see where she was, and she yelled again. “Don’t you dare look back!” 

He quickly turned his gaze forward, and managed to narrowly avoid a skier who had seemingly come out of nowhere. He windmilled for a moment but managed to stay upright. El sped up to gain on him again, and suddenly, they were approaching the end of the run. 

Once she skidded to a stop, she pulled out her phone to check something. “Oh my god!” She whooped. “40 MPH! You were flying!” She crowed, and his eyes widened. 

“No way.” 

“Yeah!” She showed him the run data, and he mouthed ‘Holy shit.’ “Okay, by the way, what size boot do you wear?” 

“I think they’re tens.” He told her, and her eyes widened as she pushed up her goggles. 

“Unbind real quick so I can peek at your board.” She told him, and he quickly did as she said. She inspected the board and bindings, before tutting and nodding. “I may have some boots at home that you can borrow. And…” She hesitated for a long moment. “A snowboard and bindings, too. A really decent set up.” 

“Are you sure? I don’t think I could--” 

“I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t, Rookie.” She clapped him on the shoulder, and he was grateful for his own face mask and goggles covering his blush. “I’ll bring them up tomorrow morning. Meet me in the lodge by the gondi--gondola around...oh, let’s say 6:30.” She told him. 

“In the morning?” 

“Yeah. We can hike up the small park to give it a go.” She told him. “I think you’ll like this board.” 

“Hey, why’d you decide to help me?” He asked. “You really didn’t have to.” 

“Yeah, well, you looked like you were seconds away from giving up and grabbing skis.” 

Bobby blushed. She wasn’t wrong, but he was glad he hadn’t, glad she’d found him. “Well, snowboarding is way more fun.” He told her. “I hope I didn’t keep you from anything fun.” 

“Oh! No, not at all.” She waved her hand dismissively. She checked her phone again. “Oh, shit. I’ve got to go.” She groaned, bending forward to unstrap her bindings. “I think you can handle blue runs, now, but stay away from those black diamonds.” El tucked her snowboard under her arm. “And don’t get hurt. I’ve got two half day lessons tomorrow, but if you’re here, you’d better check in with me.” She told him. 

“Yeah, can I--” 

Her phone started ringing in her hand, and she mumbled a swear. “Ugh, I’ve really gotta go now. 6:30 tomorrow! Don’t you dare be late!” She called before answering her phone and trudging away. 

He sat on some benches near a fire pit, before dialing Chelsea. She answered after the third ring. 

“Hellooo?” 

“Hey, Chels, where are you guys?” 

“Coming down a run now, where are you?” She asked, and he could suddenly hear the scraping of her skis against the snow. “Don’t worry, I’m hands free, babe!” She giggled. 

“Yeah, I’m sitting by the fire.” 

“We’ll see you in a few!” 

Soon enough, his friends were dragging him up the lift, excited to see what he’d learned. 

“I saw you with Mama Bones, Bobs!” Chelsea gushed. “We tried to get your attention but you were just too into whatever she was saying.” 

“Mate, I get it.” Jonno poked him in the arm. “That bird is hashtag flames!” 

“Ugh, would you stop saying that?” Noah groaned. Priya snorted a laugh into her pristine, lavender ski gloves. 

“What? She is.” Jonno scoffed. “Yeah, so, anyway, she’s totally into you, Bobs.” 

Bobby rolled his eyes and shook his head. “She’s totally out of my league, mate.” 

“Leagues are for losers.” Jonno glanced over to Noah. “Ain’t that right, bookworm?” 

“No idea what you’re talking about.” Noah shrugged, tugging his balaclava up to hide the blush suffusing his cheeks. 

“Sure.” Jonno waved his hand dismissively. “Anyway, Bobs.” He slapped Bobby’s back, and he nearly jumped right off of the chair, before grabbing onto the back of it and clinging for dear life. 

“I’d just gotten over my fear of heights before you’d done that!” Bobby grumbled, and they all laughed. “We’re almost to the top.” He pointed out, so as to change the subject and shift it away from his love life. 

It never went well. Even if El had taken a shine to him, and put off that  _ vibe _ , he was forcing himself to ignore it. Either he would have a cute winter fling and forget about her when he went home (extremely unlikely), they’d both develop feelings they couldn’t cope with, or she’d place him solidly in a state of friendship because he’d read that vibe wrong. 

And usually it was the other way around. He couldn’t seem to push past the barrier of friendship for any number of reasons. He told himself it was just that he hadn’t met the right person, but he was starting to think it was more than that. Maybe it was a fear of being hurt again. Or maybe he truly was scared of commitment. 

It wasn’t that he couldn’t pull. His friends all knew he had no trouble in the department of one night stands and friends with benefits situations. It was more that he was and always had been more of a relationship type. He could be casual about things for a time, but soon enough he was baking cupcakes for a girl and she was brushing him off because she’d never meant it to get serious. 

Something about El gave him pause, but he had only just met her. He’d known her for all of three hours, maybe. 

Later that night, they sat at the bar in their lodge, and they’d all tossed back a few. 

“I think  _ apres ski _ is the best part of the day!” Chelsea exclaimed. She tugged at a gin and tonic, a lime perched happily on the rim of her glass. 

Priya rolled some red wine around in her glass as she nodded in agreement. “Definitely. This is how life should be.” She grinned. 

“So, dish.” Chelsea turned to Bobby. “Tell us everything about Mama Bones.” 

“I’m meeting her at the lodge tomorrow.” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself. “6:30 am.” 

“That’s so early!” Chelsea huffed. 

“I’ll catch an uber or something.” Bobby shrugged. 

“How exciting!” Priya leaned in. Jonno and Noah had shuffled off to the hot tub, claiming that their bones were aching. Bobby sympathized, but he preferred a stiff drink or five before he went to bed. The hot tub could wait until the next night.

“It’s no big deal.” He shrugged. “She’s letting me borrow some boots. Maybe a board.” 

“Oh em gee!” Chelsea practically squealed. “That’s amazing!” 

Bobby eventually steered them onto another topic, before finishing his drink and heading to bed. After all, he had to wake up much earlier than they did, and his body was a little stiff and sore.


	2. Sundown Access (green)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Cool. Well, I’ll let you know if I’m free.” She trudged back toward the lodge, and Bobby couldn’t stop himself from watching her go. He was so absorbed that he forgot all about Henrik. 
> 
> “She likes you.” Henrik noted, and Bobby jumped. Henrik smiled slowly. “And so do you.” 
> 
> “What?” Bobby’s eyes widened. He was wildly confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which i make up really weird nicknames for random characters who we may or may not ever hear from again. who knows! i surely don't! i read through this periodically and I still have no idea wtf I'm doing but that's not really new. 
> 
> I MAY get on an actual updating schedule, but idk I'm kind of chaotic. like, how many unfinished stories do I have? smh. anyway, still always time for things to change. and, other secret projects coming soon. ish. >;P and. i will attempt to finish some of the unfinished stories. ;-;

The next thing Bobby knew, his alarm was blaring in his ear. He shut it off hastily, hoping he wouldn’t wake his roommates. Noah’s snoring was cacophonous, and he hoped that covered it up. He dressed quickly in the dark, hitting the bathroom to make sure he hadn’t messed anything up. He brushed his teeth and splashed cold water on his face, before studying himself in the mirror. 

Once he was satisfied that he wasn’t growing horns or covered in spots, he left, calling an uber as he walked. Luckily, there was a car nearby, and he’d arrive just on time, maybe even a few minutes early. He spent the ride dividing his time between scrolling through his phone and gawking at the mountains. The car stopped in front of the lodge, and he thanked the driver before hopping out.

El wasn’t there yet, so he found a bench to sit on, assuming the lodge was locked. He stared at his gloves as he focused on not becoming a popsicle. It wasn’t  _ that  _ cold, relatively speaking, but somehow, he was feeling everything a lot more vividly. He chalked it up to anxiety and decided not to think about it anymore, instead running through all of his tricks to stay warm. 

_ Pretend you’re in a desert...wait, there’s cold deserts...Okay, hot day in July...It’s cold in the southern hemisphere in the summer...pulling fresh baked cupcakes out of the ov-- _

“Hey, you.” El called out, and he snapped up, focusing on her trotting toward him, laden with bags. “C’mon!” He leapt to his feet and she shoved a bag into his hands to lighten her load. 

“Good morning!” He told her cheerily, and she fixed him with a death glare. “Oh, not a morning person. Got it.” 

“No, not that, I’m just…” she groaned. “Hungover. As fuck.” She unlocked the door, cursing under her breath as her key stuck slightly in the door. “Ugh, I’ve been asking for a new key since the season started.” She grumbled, but the door opened, anyway. “They’re going to uh, key fobs soon, I guess.” 

Bobby nodded, unsure of what he could add to the conversation, and not wanting to make any sudden loud noises in case she had a headache from this hangover. At any rate, it seemed like she was talking to keep herself awake. 

“Alright.” She set her bags down on a chair. “Try on the boots and let me know what you think.” 

He shoved his feet into the boots, looking up at her in confusion. She squatted in front of him and showed him how to tighten his boots. “Boa boots, so you don’t have to tie your laces constantly.” She told him, and he nodded. He liked that idea. “How do they feel? Are they snug?” 

“Very.” 

“Comfortable?” 

“As much as they can be, I guess.” He told her. 

“Great. Let’s get you on this board!” She unzipped one of the longer bags, handing him a gorgeous board that not only looked brand new, but custom made as well. It was glossy black on the top, and purple and neon green on the bottom. There were skulls and roses adorning the top, and his eyes widened. 

“Are you sure you want me to use this? I’ll probably muck it up.” 

“I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t.” She tightened her boot. “She’s been sitting too long, anyway.” 

“Well, if you insist.” 

“I do. End of.” She pulled her board out. “Come on, we can hike to the--Henrik! Holy shit, I thought you were still asleep!” 

“Nah, I owe you one.” The blond Swede grinned. 

“Ugh, you drank three times as much as me! How are you even functioning?” El complained, and he laughed. 

“Practice and skill?” He shrugged. 

“Well, since you’re here, I guess we don’t have to hike!” El grinned, slapping Henrik on the back. “Come on, rookie!” El linked her free arm with Bobby’s free arm, and dragged him along to a lift. 

Henrik started it up while Bobby and El strapped into their boards. “All clear!” Henrik called, and El waved for Bobby to follow her. Once they were in the chair, Bobby realized how tired El looked. She clung to the armrest for dear life. 

“You’re not going to fall off, you know.” He quipped, and she rolled her eyes at him. 

“You don’t know that!” She affected her Scottish accent, and he snorted laughing. 

“You’re hilarious.” 

“And you’re the one who set me up for that.” She winked before checking her phone. “Oh cool. They booked me for three half days today.” She slapped her palm lightly against her forehead. 

“But…” 

“Eh, it happens sometimes, I just have to skip lunch today I guess.” She sighed. 

“That’s not right, lunch is important!” 

“Oh, I’ll be alright. I’ve got a sandwich floating around in my stuff, I’ll sneak it on a bathroom break.” She shifted so she was ready to glide off the ramp, and he mimicked her. 

Once they were off the lift, El paused, a short laugh falling from her mouth. “I guess Henrik is joining us!” 

A few chairs back, Henrik lounged in a lift chair, seemingly without a care in the world. At the last second, he adjusted for landing. 

“Aw, thanks for waiting!” He skidded to a clumsy stop. “Oh, wow, you’re letting him borrow  _ that  _ board.” Henrik’s eyes widened. 

“It’s not a big deal.” She waved her hand dismissively. From the worried look Bobby caught in Henrik’s eyes just before he pulled his goggles down, he could tell it was a big deal, and suddenly he felt guilt bubbling up in his throat. He knew if he said anything, El would be upset, however, so he quashed it and decided to just enjoy the board. 

“Last one down is buying the first round!” El cried before rocking her way to a flying start. 

“Unfair! She knows I suck!” Henrik groaned as he followed her. Bobby caught up quickly, surprised at how fast he was able to go. El stole a glance at him, and a surprised noise came out of her. She bent her knees and leaned into her carves, and started putting distance between them. He could hear Henrik somewhere behind him, but he didn’t care. 

He found a way to emulate her carving without falling on his ass, but he still couldn’t catch up to her. She high fived him at the bottom before turning and waiting for Henrik. 

“You knew I was going to lose!” Henrik protested, and she laughed. 

“Oh, just snag us some beers from the bar.” She told him. “We’ll hike up the park and meet you there.”   
Henrik mumbled something in Swedish under his breath but trudged off to the lodge anyway. El tucked her board under her arm and led Bobby to one of the parks. He followed her up the side, occasionally sticking his borrowed board in the snow to keep himself from toppling over and skidding back down the incline. That would be too embarrassing. He’d have to ditch the board, change his name, move across the--

“You alright, Rookie?” El asked between breaths. 

“Yeah, why?” 

“You seemed far away.” 

“I guess I’m just focusing on making it to the top.” He replied, and she shot him a grin. 

“Well, we’re almost there. See? We’ll wait for Henrik there.” She pointed to a bench. Bobby dragged himself toward it, amazed at how El was suddenly loping toward it, even uphill on a snowy mountain. His boots were still fairly stiff and foreign to him, so he ended up face planting before he managed to catch up to her. She sat cross legged on the bench, leaning forward slightly. She pulled a flask out of her inner coat pocket and took a long pull before offering it to him. 

He balked, and she laughed softly. 

“It’s just a little breakfast rum.” She told him, and he relented and took a sip. He spluttered slightly, but managed to put most of it away. “What is this, amateur hour?” She joked, and he huffed in feigned indignation. 

“No, it’s more that I don’t usually drink rum for breakfast and I wasn’t really expecting it.” He turned his head to see Henrik approaching them, with a bag slung over his shoulder. As he grew closer, they could hear the glass clinking softly. 

“Hell yeah, Riko Suave! Hope you snagged me something good!” 

“I grabbed two rounds.” He dropped the bag at El’s feet and stuck his hand out. She pressed the flask into it, and he took a drink. “Ugh, rum.” He wrinkled his nose at her before taking another drink and handing it back. 

“It’ll be vodka tomorrow, babes.” She teased, before pulling two beers out of the bag and popping the tops off. She handed one to Bobby and sat back on the bench. “A little bit of liquid courage is good for learning. Too much, and you’ll hurt yourself. So pace yourself.” She nodded. She took a long sip of the beer before rummaging through the bag again. She found a plastic cup and poured the rest of her beer into it. 

Without a word, she chugged her beer, tossing the cup back into the bag. Bobby had to scrape his jaw off of the floor. 

“What?” El rolled her eyes. “This is just a typical...Wednesday?” She looked at Henrik, and he shrugged. “Sure, Wednesday. And pretty much any day that ends in ‘y’.” 

Bobby felt like he had no room to judge, as most nights, he drank to the bottom of a bottle with Chelsea and Priya. Sure, it probably wasn’t the healthiest thing to do, but it was normal for them. He made a concentrated effort to down his beer as El cracked open another one and nursed it. She leaned back against the bench, cross legged again. 

Henrik had pulled a shovel out of thin air and meandered off to groom some ramps, all with a beer in his hand. 

“Are you ready to learn to hit some features?” El asked Bobby, and he noticed she was already down to the dregs. Where did she learn to drink so fast? He downed the rest of his and tossed it in the bag. 

“I think so?” 

“Oh, you’ll do fine.” She waved her hand. “Henrik!” She called. The blond turned around. “Are we good to go?” He flashed a thumbs up, and she hopped up to grab her board. 

She got him to hike back up a few more times before plopping down on the bench. “You’re a quick study, Rookie.” She cracked open a beer and handed it to him. She pulled out her flask and toasted him. “To watching Henrik scorpion his way to the bottom.” 

Bobby snorted into his beer, and she just smiled in return before taking her drink. He took a healthy gulp, and she handed him her flask again. He took a bigger sip now that he was prepared. When he didn’t splutter, or even wince, she nodded her approval. 

El laughed softly as Henrik slid over a box, attempting to 50/50 but falling off the side and narrowly avoiding breaking his back over it. He tried another, and when he landed it, he cried out. 

“Oh my god yesss fuck me!” he moaned as his board connected successfully with snow, and it echoed across the park. El laughed into her beer, and Bobby couldn’t help laughing, too. 

“Oh, typical Henrik.” El shook her head, before calling for him to come back. He shed his board to make the hike back up, seeming just a touch dejected that he wouldn’t get the chance to hit another feature. 

Bobby downed his beer and let his empty bottle join the rest of their bottles. Henrik finally made it up to the top and shook the bag. “Aw, you didn’t leave me one?” He pouted, and El laughed and handed him a second flask. He sniffed at it suspiciously. 

“It’s that weird Swedish vodka you like.” She told him, and he took a shot. 

“So thoughtful, this one.” He told Bobby, before pocketing El’s second flask and stepping into his bindings. El and Bobby followed suit, and as she’d done before, coached him through the features without actually hitting any herself. He was curious, but didn’t press her about it. 

At the bottom, she checked her phone and belched. “Ugh, I’d better go sober up. I’ve got 15 minutes before my lesson gets here.” She groaned. 

“I’d love to see you do some tricks later if you have a chance…” He trailed off, suddenly feeling weird for asking. 

“If my lessons get done early, maybe!” She shrugged. “Oh! Here, put your number in my phone.” She unlocked it and handed it to him. He typed it in and saved it, and she looked over his name. “Oh, a McKenzie.” She studied him intently. “Your mum didn’t own that colorful salon by the river, did she?” 

“Oh, yeah, that’s hers.” He replied nonchalantly, shifting uncomfortably. “Still.” She nodded.

“Cool. Well, I’ll let you know if I’m free.” She trudged back toward the lodge, and Bobby couldn’t stop himself from watching her go. He was so absorbed that he forgot all about Henrik. 

“She likes you.” Henrik noted, and Bobby jumped. Henrik smiled slowly. “And so do you.” 

“What?” Bobby’s eyes widened. He was wildly confused. He’d almost thought that Henrik had a claim to El. But maybe they were just close friends and he was imagining their chemistry. 

“I haven’t seen her smile and laugh like that in years, that’s all.” The blond shrugged. “You and your friends should come to my party on Friday night. It’s nothing special, but a lot of cool people show up.” He clapped Bobby on the shoulder. “You know, I’ve been snowboarding for a few seasons and I still can’t hit features like you did today. You’re a natural.” 

“It’s not like me to be good at sports.” Bobby shrugged. 

“Here, put your number in my phone, too.” Henrik handed off his phone. “I’ll text you the address and details. Hope I’ll see you there.” 

“Won’t I see you on a lift?” 

Henrik shook his head. “No, I’ve got climbing lessons all day. I’m still pretty new at this.” He picked up his board. “The lifts are opening in a bit, I bet you could get the first chair!” Henrik winked, handing him a lift pass. 

Bobby decided to go for it,(without asking how Henrik managed to snag a pass) and miraculously did manage to grab the first chair. He was definitely somewhere north of tipsy, but he figured the lift ride would sober him up at least a little bit. He was, after all, a self proclaimed professional drunk by this point in his life. He was definitely going to regret this foray into inebriation the next day, however. 

He picked a blue run and sped down it, amazed when he made it to the end in one piece. He checked his phone and saw a message from Chelsea that they’d just arrived. “Meet us at the gondola!” 

He shed his board and found his friends at the gondola. “Hey!” Chelsea grinned. “How was it?” 

“Good! I think I learned a lot.” He grinned, and she leaned in closer. 

“Oh my god! Are you drunk?” She widened her eyes at him, and he shook his head. 

“Tipsy!” He told her, and the rest of their crew burst into laughter. 

“You let the lass get you liquored up? Better make sure she buys ye dinner, too!” Jonno laughed heartily, slapping Bobby square between the shoulders and setting off a coughing fit. 

“I scored us an invite to a party.” Bobby wheezed, and Jonno grinned. 

“Well, alright!” He grinned his approval. Noah assessed Bobby silently, before nodding. 

“We have to find something to wear!” Priya squealed. 

“Oh em GEE you read my mind!” Chelsea exclaimed. “Good thing we have a shopping trip planned tomorrow!” She tilted her head at Bobby. “We’ve gotta get you some apres ski attire, too!” She giggled.

“There’s no use arguing with them.” Noah told him, and they all laughed. 

Closer to the end of the day, they were taking a break in the lodge when Bobby’s phone rang. He didn’t recognize the number, but he picked up anyway. 

“Hello?” 

“Bobby? Yeah, hey, this is El. What are you doing?” 

“Just taking a breather, where are you?” He asked without thinking. 

“Oh, I’m by the gondola. You should come meet me.” She sounded breathless, maybe even nervous. Bobby glanced at his friends, who were all deep in some conversation, he’d been zoning out and nursing a beer. 

“Yeah, alright, just let me give my friends a quick head’s up.” 

“They can come too, if they want!” She told him. He took another glance. There was no way they were leaving the lodge at this point. Chelsea and Priya were deep in glasses of bubbly, Jonno had his arm around a blonde by the fireplace, and Noah was hanging on Priya’s every word. 

“I’ll let them know. See ya in a bit.” 

“Kay!” She hung up, and he turned to Noah, tapping him on the shoulder. The man jumped slightly before realizing it was Bobby. 

“Hey, I’m gonna go meet El for a bit. Let the others know?” Priya and Chelsea hadn’t looked up. Noah waggled his eyebrows and grinned. 

“Of course. Have fun.” He punched Bobby’s shoulder lightly. Bobby rolled his eyes and left to find his board. He saw El sitting on a bench in front of the lodge, hugging herself as if for warmth. 

“Alright, El?” He greeted her, and she looked up. 

“Yeah, I’m go--oh!” She giggled, catching herself. “Sup?” She got to her feet and grabbed her board, leading him to a lift. 

“No gondola?” 

“Nah, we’re going to the halfpipe.” She stopped to bind her front foot in, and Bobby mirrored her. “Remember? You wanted to see me do some tricks.” She narrowed her eyes. “Unless you changed your mind?” 

“No!” Bobby perked an eyebrow at her. “What, are you scared?” 

“Pfft. Of course not.” They caught a chair and she wrapped her fingers around the armrest. “But maybe you should be.” She teased, and he shrugged. 

“I planned on snapping myself in half on a box or something.” He told her, and she snorted. 

“Please don’t!” She laughed. Her phone went off and she slipped a glove off to check it, after scanning to see how much lift they had left. 

Bobby had never made it a habit to watch people text, but she was making no effort to hide it, and seemed to have forgotten he was there for the moment. 

_ Drinks tonight?  _

The message read. At the top he made out that it was from “Hen Riko Suave.” His stomach dropped but he couldn’t figure out why. 

_ Yeah. I need you tonight.  _

Her fingers paused over the keys after she hit send. He was already typing. Bobby tried to look away, but couldn’t help himself. 

_I figured, so I got your faves._

_Thanks babe. See ya soon._

She put her phone away and stared off into the distance for a moment before turning back to Bobby. 

“Ah, sorry. I got a little distracted.” 

“Huh?” He acted as though he’d been spacing off. “Oh, no big deal.” His head was a mess. As much as he’d been getting the vibes that she liked him, and with even Henrik saying so, he couldn’t bring himself to step between them. He was only here for another week and a half. It wasn’t enough time. 

“Hey, get ready.” She told him, and he snapped to attention. The last thing he needed was to fall off of the lift in front of her. Once they were off the lift, she quietly directed him to follow her to the half pipe. She hit a couple features tentatively, backsliding for a spell to watch him. 

“Bones!” Someone yelled, and she snowboarded to a group of people. Bobby followed her wordlessly. 

“Oh, shit, Daffy!” She exclaimed, skidding to a stop in front of a dark haired man wearing a light blue beanie and matching jacket. “How’s your leg?”

“All healed up!” He grinned. “Of course.”

“Henrik probably slipped a disc on a box this morning.” She laughed, and ‘Daffy’s’ eyes crinkled with mirth. 

“He already called me. I set him right before he left.” 

El seemed to sag in relief, which rang an alarm bell in Bobby’s head for no apparent reason. “Good. Sounded like he was gonna be busy today.” She turned to Bobby. “Oh, Bobby, this is Lucas. Lucas, Bobby.” 

“Nice to meet you.” Bobby told him politely, shaking his gloved hand firmly as Lucas returned the sentiment. Ordinarily, he might have cracked a joke, but for whatever reason, he felt his mood was rapidly declining. 

Two others skated up to them. 

“Bonesy!” A man drawled at her, and she rolled her eyes at him. 

“Oy, piss off, Hippie.” Her Scottish accent slipped out, and Bobby raised an eyebrow.

“Lovely to see you, as well, babe.” He grinned.

“Does Salsa know you’re sleazing off with High Beams?” 

“Nothing’s going on here!” The sporty looking blond protested. El shrugged. 

“Yeah, alright. This is Bobby. Bobby, that’s Rocco and Jo. Where’s Rahim?” El directed at Jo. 

“He’s in Miami for that tourney.” She sighed. 

“Damn. He’d love Rookie over here.” She threw an arm haphazardly around Bobby’s shoulders, giving him a friendly squeeze. 

“Wait, wait, wait. You’re letting him ride Skulls?” Rocco demanded. “What the shit, El? I thought—“

“You know it was always going to be my decision, and at any rate, he’ll only be here for another week or so.” El’s eyes looked as though she could shoot fire. Bobby wanted to shrink out of her grip, but her arm had tightened around him, almost protectively.

“So you’re gonna let a total Jerry borrow the—“

“Rocco, I swear to god.” El growled. “You always have the absolute worst timing for this shit.” Now Bobby recognized the fire dimming into defeat, and potential tears. 

“Leave her alone, Rocco.” Lucas stepped in. “We haven’t seen Bones in the park in years. Why don’t we enjoy it instead of giving her the third degree?” 

With a huff, Rocco backed off. El turned to Bobby. “Go on down and park yourself on the halfpipe. I’ll be down soon.” She told him, and he nodded, skating down and stopping just shy of it so he could shed his board and hike the rest of the way. 

He leaned on his borrowed board and waited. She took a deep breath, kissing the tips of her fingers and raising them to the sky before taking off. She caught some serious air with every back and forth, and when her balaclava slipped down, he could see the wild grin stretching her gleeful lips. His jaw dropped, and he walked slowly down the halfpipe to follow her as she continued. She looked exhilarated, and he wondered why she hadn’t been in the park in years. She looked one hundred percent in her element. 

He could hear her friends cheering up at the top and he smiled. He met her at the bottom, where she was waiting patiently for him. 

“Guess I still got it.” She told him, and he beamed at her. 

“That was amazing.” 

“Bet you’ll be doing it in no time.” She nodded, and he shook his head. 

“I don’t know about that.”

“Believe in yourself.” She clapped his shoulder, before checking her phone. “Aw, shit, I’ve gotta go.” She pulled him in for a quick, tight hug, and he could feel his heartbeat quickening almost immediately. 

“See you soon.” She whispered in his ear before drawing back and leaving. He stood with his mouth open, watching her walk off. 


	3. Crosscut (blue)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: bobby is (probably) not endgame but it is a pairing in this fic.  
> this story is going off the rails (at least, what bits I'm working on now, ugh)  
> this chapter is like 95% smut and 5% --nvm spoilers

As soon as El got home, she threw herself into the shower, washing off the day. She stayed under the warm stream for a while, sighing to herself as she tried to process everything. She didn’t want to think anymore, so she threw on the first undergarments she found, which just so happened to be a skimpy lace affair and a lavender camisole. She took a calming breath before leaving. 

El padded across the wooden deck, sugared with powdery snow, in her bare feet. She pulled a fluffy pink robe tightly around herself, shivering slightly in the night. She knocked twice before pushing the door open. 

Henrik sat cross legged in the middle of his living room, fully engrossed in whatever book he’d been reading lately. He looked up when the door shut, and tutted when he saw her bare feet. 

“I keep telling you to wear slippers.” He chided her, but he was smiling. 

“Sorry, I forgot.” She wiped her feet on the plush rug by his door (a gift from her) and shivered violently. “Christ alive, it’s cold out there.” 

Henrik shut his book and set it on his coffee table before climbing to his feet and crossing the room to her. Her wet hair clung to her face and neck and at that moment, she looked small. He pulled her into his arms, and she sighed, shuddering against him.

“Have you started without me?” She asked softly, and he chuckled. 

“Of course not.” He held her a little tighter, and she buried her face in his chest. “Are you alright?” 

“You’re kidding.” She murmured, and he ran his hands down her back. 

“Nah, I know you’re not.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “What can I get you?” 

She pulled back enough so that she could meet his eyes. He knew without asking what she wanted, but he was hesitating. She wavered, watching him for any sign of a change in mood, but he was unwavering.

An eternity slipped out of her hands before she pressed her lips to his, one arm flung around his neck while her other hand flattened on the back of his head. He returned the kiss, matching her intensity, his thumbs running along her cheeks. 

“El,” he breathed when she finally pulled away. “Are you sure this is a good idea?” She reached up to cup his slightly flushed cheek.

“This is what I need.” She told him, gently guiding him back to his couch. It wasn’t long before she was straddling him, laying kisses up and down his neck, her fingers tangled in his hair. She’d always felt safe in Henrik’s arms, for as long as they’d had this situationship going on. They didn’t have real feelings for each other, at least none that they would ever admit. She knew that if he ever disappeared, he’d always come back, or at least send word. 

That was her biggest fear. Being abandoned. Henrik knew the ins and outs of where the issue stemmed from, and it helped that she had never needed to explain it to him. He knew exactly why she couldn’t commit to anything other than a friends with benefits situation, and why anything that threatened to become real feelings scared her. 

He had never had a reason to divulge his feelings for her (the freedom to pick up and leave at the drop of a hat was far, far too appealing) and even if he had fallen for her (he would plead the fifth if ever asked) he knew he would step aside graciously if the right one ever showed up in her life. He felt that way about Bobby. 

He couldn’t recall seeing her look this much alive since before the crash. The worst event she could barely remember. Sometimes, he’d seen glimpses of her old self, but it was rare and never enough. Occasionally, he considered that maybe he wasn’t watching hard enough. Now, she was liquid gold in his arms, glowing with the possibilities she was so terrified of. 

“El.” His voice was a little more urgent, this time. “Are you  _ sure _ this is what you want?” He asked, and she leaned back and nodded emphatically. He could only ever ask twice. He was only human, after all, and having one of the most beautiful girls in their mountain town on his lap was hard to resist. Impossible, even. Sure, some nights she changed her mind, but this wasn’t one of those nights.

“Yes, Henrik,” she breathed in his ear and he shivered. She rocked her hips against him, teasingly, and a groan escaped his mouth. 

“Please, El,” He whispered, and she tugged his shirt over his head before letting her fingers trail down to his waistband.

“Please?” She held her lips next to his cheek, and he could feel his hips roiling almost of their own volition. 

Without a word, he flipped her onto the couch, wedging his knee between her legs. He kissed her fiercely, and she tugged on his hair, her body undulating beneath him. 

“Henrik,” her voice was raspy as she tried to grab a hold of something, anything, as Henrik undid her robe and laid a trail of kisses down her body. A sharp intake of breath signaled a sensitive spot, but he mostly heard her beseeching, soft moans. 

He slowly pulled up the flimsy camisole she was wearing under her robe, just enough to bare her midriff. Then, he was rolling lace around her thighs, impatiently off of her feet and tossing it aside. She was frozen, breath caught in her throat, awaiting his next move. She felt his strong, calloused hands grip her thighs and shivered in anticipation. 

Without a word, he buried his face between her thighs, delighted in the soft moans and whimpers he elicited from El. He knew exactly what to do to make her unravel, but he teased her, flicking his tongue everywhere but where she wanted it. She tugged at his hair in frustration, jerking her hips forward, begging him without words. 

Just when she was about to give up and accept her fate of being teased to death, he flicked his tongue across her clit. Her body jerked, and as he focused his attention on that spot, she felt the relief mixed with pleasure flooding her body. 

“Oh, god, Henrik.” She moaned, tangling one hand in his hair while the other entwined with one of his hands. His free hand stroked up and down on the inside of her thigh. She cried out suddenly, trying to push Henrik’s head away from her. He wrapped his arms around her thighs to keep her in place while he continued. 

El flailed beneath him after another few moments, struggling to get out of his grasp. He pulled away slightly, planting kisses and love bites up and down her inner thighs while she caught her breath. 

She reached down to pull at his face, and he raised himself to her level, holding himself above her, their faces inches apart. For a moment, as she had countless times before, she wished she could just fall for this beautiful man in front of her. That part of her heart was under lock and key, a giant vaulted safe with a password so complex it would take a master to unlock it. 

She reached down for his waistband, slipping her hand inside, reaching for her prize. 

“Is little Henrik ready for this?” She asked in a sultry voice. Henrik snorted in laughter, collapsing atop her and burying his face in her shoulder. 

“I thought we decided on Ragnar.” He murmured into her shoulder. 

“Oh, sorry.” She breathed, curving her hand around ‘Ragnar.’ Pleased with her discovery, she pumped him from her slightly awkward position. 

“Maybe I should lose these.” Henrik tugged at his waistband, and El bit her lip and nodded, her eyes wide. He stepped back, enjoying her eyes on his body as he let his pants fall to the ground. She reached for him, and he drew her into his arms and off of the couch. 

She wrapped her legs around his waist as he took her to his bedroom. He shut the door behind them with his hip, before sliding her onto the bed carefully. El chewed on her lip, again reaching for him. He grabbed her by the hips and pulled her to the edge of the bed, grabbing hold of her thighs as he positioned himself. She trembled in desire, her eyes fluttering shut as her hands searched for purchase on his sheets. 

Just before he entered her, he leaned in. “Are you ready for Little Henrik?” He asked her with a straight face. She nodded, until his words registered and she burst into laughter. 

“Don’t you mean Ragnar?” She wrapped her hand around his wrist. He paused, just a breath away from penetrating her. She pulled his face to hers, and as their lips met, he slowly started to enter her. Her fingers dug into his neck as her back arched, and she couldn’t stop a moan from escaping her lips. 

As his pace began to quicken, sweat beaded on his forehead, and his hair brushed against her face like curtains in the wind. She wrapped her arms around him, pushing closer to him as though trying to meld her body with his. She had never failed to notice just how wild their chemistry was. It was like playing with fire, and they both knew one day they’d get burned. His rhythm was slow at first, as his lips trailed down her neck to her collarbone. 

She squeezed her thighs around him, her nails raking his back. Already her breath was coming faster, and his pace ramped up to match. She writhed beneath him, her head pressed back in the pillow as she panted. He reached down between them, working his fingers against her feverishly in time with his thrusts. 

She cried out softly, clutching the sheets to steady herself. “Oh, god,” She breathed, and Henrik whispered into her neck. 

“You’re so beautiful.” 

“Oh, fuck,” she moaned, and her voice cracked as she suddenly found release. “You always know what to say.” Her body trembled beneath him as he guided her through her orgasm. She tried to catch her breath as he kept moving inside of her, searching for his own relief. It didn’t take him long to finish, and once he’d cleaned up and thrown shorts on, he pulled El into his arms. She trembled slightly, and he ran his hand down her back. 

“I need a drink.” 

“Just a moment.” He padded off to the kitchen. He came back to find El sitting up in his bed, wearing one of his shirts and a pair of his (clean) boxers. His breath caught in his throat but he shoved it back and handed her a beer. 

“Oh, perfect.” She downed it quickly, and he passed her another one before climbing back into bed. She rolled over so that she could rest against his chest. “Thank you, Henrik.” She nursed her beer, sighing softly. 

“Want to talk?” Henrik asked softly. 

“I probably should.” She sighed again, tugging at her beer. “Not ready.” 

“Take your time.” He took a pull of his beer, mirroring her. She sighed and tilted the bottle back again, downing it in what seemed to Henrik like two gulps. He reached over the side of his bed and grabbed a water bottle to press into her hands. She rolled her eyes at him but drank it anyway. 

“I just don’t know why it isn’t getting easier.” She told him suddenly, setting the empty bottles on his bedside table and flinging her arms around him. He wrapped her up in his arms tightly, stroking her hair as soothingly as he could muster. 

“Grief is complicated.” he told her simply.

“It’s just these few days out of the year. Every time.” She huffed, and he could tell she was struggling not to cry. 

“You’re allowed whatever time you need, El.” He squeezed her again, and by the way her shoulders shuddered, he knew the dams had burst. He waited until her body stilled to speak. “You know, I’m usually the one who cries after sex.” 

She pulled away to playfully punch him in the shoulder, but she was smiling through the tears. 

“Oh, shut up.” She pulled in a deep breath and sighed, as though she were trying to cleanse herself. 

“Give yourself time, El.” He told her, and she shoved her face back into his chest. 

“You’re right, Hen.” Her voice was muffled. “I just…” She leaned back, chewing on her lip. “I really treasure this--you. You always cheer me up, and I--” She shook her head, shrugging. “Your friendship means a lot to me, and I…I’m just really going to miss you when I have to go home.” 

“Wait, what?” Henrik straightened. “You mean just for the summer, right?” 

“No.” She trailed off, puffing her bottom lip out. “It’s a long story for another time, but let’s just say I was really hoping this wouldn’t happen.” Henrik sat there in a daze for a long time before shaking himself out of it. 

“I’m gonna miss you, too.” He finally spoke, and she let out a breath she’d been holding onto. “Definitely won’t be the same here without you.” He hopped out of bed and offered her his hand. “Hot tub?” 

“Grab a cooler and meet me there.” She winked at him, and he busied himself in the kitchen, his head reeling. His feelings were starting to surface, and with shaking hands, he fixed himself a double shot of something strong. He didn’t even bother reading the label, he just knocked it back. Sure, maybe he’d known all along that his feelings for El were deeper than just some casual affair, and that this dance they’d been doing for the last couple of years would hurt when it ended, but he never expected this. 

He never expected that she would have to leave for home. Questions were bubbling to the surface, and he glanced at the clock above his stove, trying to figure out how long he’d been in here without gathering brews for his favorite girl. 

“Oh, fuck.” He braced his hand against the wall, resting his forehead against the cool white surface. “I am so fucked.” He muttered, before finally gathering himself and then the beers. 

El was already chin deep in the hot water when he set the small soft sided cooler on the side of the tub. She was staring out into the void, and didn’t even register his presence at first. 

“You ok?” He asked, and she started. 

“Yeah, just thinking.” She took a beer from him eagerly before spotting the bottle of liquor in his hands. “Whisky? Is that for you or for me?” 

He answered her by taking a drag straight from the bottle and then handing it to her. 

“Oh, I see.” She quirked a small smile before taking a drink. “We’re getting  _ hammered  _ hammered tonight.” He stripped down to his boxers, moving to get in the tub. “What are you doing?” She raised an eyebrow at him. “Naked or don’t bother. That’s the rules.” She stuck her tongue out and turned back to her beer, completely missing him snatching back the bottle of whisky and downing at least two shots worth from it. 

Then, he slipped the item of clothing that was so offending to El off of his legs so he could slip in on the opposite side of the tub from her. If the damn liquor would just kick in already, maybe he could stop feeling so awkward. It was just feelings. Nothing he’d never squashed back down before. 

“Why are you so far away?” El’s voice broke into his thoughts. He tried on a lopsided grin and teasingly inched his way closer to her. Once he was in grabbing distance, she hooked her fingers under his jaw and kissed him. For a lot longer than he should have, he lost himself in the kiss. Then, she pulled away, her eyes half lidded, her expression unreadable. 

“We can’t.” He told her. 

“What?” She raised her eyebrows. 

“I’m drunk.” 

“Already?” She widened her eyes. “Dammit. I’ve got to catch up.” She didn’t even question it, she only reached for the whisky, popping the top off and downing some. Once she was satisfied that she’d had almost as much as he had, she went back to her beer. “You seem off, are you alright?” 

He wanted to say no. He wanted to tell her that he had no idea what he was going to do when she left, and that it was confusing and terrifying all at once because he had  _ never  _ felt this way in his entire life, but he knew she didn’t feel the same. So all he said was “Yeah, I think I’m just tired.” 

“I don’t want to go home.” She told him. He didn’t know whether she meant Scotland or just next door. Maybe both. “I’m...I’m scared.” And suddenly, she looked so small and defeated, helpless. 

“We’re always going to be friends, no matter where we are.” He managed. This much he knew was true on his end. At least, in that moment, it was. Maybe the distance would help him get over her. He could only hope that this was the best scenario possible. 

“I hope so.” She grabbed his hand under the water, staring off into the distance. 

He threw his free arm over her shoulders, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. 

“Of course we will. I’m not just saying that because I’m drunk, El.” He sighed and shook his head. For a long moment, when he looked into her eyes, he saw forever. He saw his feelings mirrored back for a split second before the pain washed back in and she choked back a sob. She moved in a blur, running across the deck and slamming her door behind her. 

Even though he knew she wasn’t coming back, he sat there for a while, trying to figure out his next move. Finally, he pulled himself out, ran back inside to get clean clothes, before shoving his feet into slippers and grabbing her spare key. 

He knocked on her door, and even though he heard footsteps, she didn’t answer. 

“El, I’ve got your key, I’m coming in.” He called, and she came to the door. Her face was tearstained, and she was shaking when she opened it. 

“I’m fine.” 

“No, you’re not.” He told her, and her face crumpled again. 

“It’s everything all at once again. Every damn time.” She shook her head, and he offered his arms cautiously. She stood still for a long moment, and he could feel his heart pounding, and the way the frigid air was chipping away his buzz. The next thing he felt was her warmth against his body. 

“Come back?” He asked simply, and instead of answering, she pulled him inside. 

He wasn’t entirely sure how they ended up in her bed, but all he knew was that she was cuddled up safely in his arms, whispering in his ear. 

“Thank you, Henny.” She murmured, before rolling back over and falling asleep. He sighed softly, knowing that he would have to have a hard conversation with her in the morning. They needed to end the physical part of their relationship, and as painful as it was going to be for him, he was going to try and push her in Bobby’s direction. He couldn’t ignore that glorious smile she’d fixed upon the guy nearly every time he spoke.


	4. The Burn (black diamond)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s just...god, your timing just sucks, Henrik.” She hugged herself. “Can we be friends after all of this? Like, is that possible?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more smut ahead <3

Bobby hated to imagine her with anyone, but especially Henrik. He didn’t have a claim to her, so he tried to keep those thoughts at bay. The guy was so likeable, so kind, so warm. It was hard to think of him with her, even if it seemed right. But the confusion set in every time he thought of Henrik pushing him in her direction. 

The party was coming up that night, and it was all he could think of. He hadn’t seen her since the half pipe, and as nervous as he was, he was buzzing with excitement, as well. 

Chelsea had dragged them all shopping, insisting that they get the local fashions to fit in at the party. Bobby felt the strangest sense of apprehension, but he wasn’t about to back out of a party that all of his friends were looking forward to. He decided to relabel his apprehension as excitement, and soon he and Chelsea were leading the group along the streets. 

“I am so excited babes!” She told Bobby. 

“Me too, Chels.” He grinned, linking arms with her. She was and had always been an amazing friend to him, and he knew it was just the energy she brought to everyone in her life. It was extremely hard to make the bubbly blonde dislike you. 

But once she loved you, you were never free. He didn’t mind that. She gave great advice, and always had a bottle of gin ready for those especially hard nights. He thought that everyone needed a Chelsea in their lives. 

“This will really set off your eyes.” Chelsea handed Bobby a dark purple sweater. “And it’s warm, but not  _ too _ warm.” 

“It’s perfect.” He told her once he was wearing it. 

Later on, once he put it on for the night, he assessed himself in the mirror. He felt a surge of confidence, which wasn’t a new feeling but definitely a rare one. Despite his nerves, he was ready for this. Especially after pregaming with Jonno. 

“Noah’s driving, it’s cool.” 

“You’re not drinking?” Bobby perked an eyebrow. 

“Yeah, I am.” Noah shot a look at Jonno. “I told you, we’re taking an uber.”

“Oh, fuck, yeah, I forgot. Guess none of you are safe from doing prelash shots with me!” Jonno passed a bottle around, demanding that everyone down at least a couple shots worth of it. 

So by the time Bobby got into the uber with his closest friends, he felt warm and happy and ready for anything. Chelsea sat in the front seat so that she could be in control of the music, and she plugged her phone in and played the Spice Girls. 

Priya rolled her eyes at Bobby but she was smiling. Chelsea’s excitement was contagious, and soon the entire car, even the driver, was singing along. 

Time passed in a blur, and the next thing Bobby knew, he was standing on Henrik’s doorstep. He was grateful to be surrounded by his friends because the nerves were taking over again. Henrik swung the door open and grinned at them. 

“Hey! You made it!” He pulled Bobby into a bear hug, before giving the rest of his friends a quick hug. “Make yourselves at home.” 

His house was fairly crowded, and Bobby wasn’t sure why he was surprised by it. Despite the crowd, Henrik’s house was neat and sparsely yet tastefully decorated. He had a modest television surrounded by full bookcases, and that was what grabbed Bobby’s attention the most. 

“Good to see you, man!” Bobby exclaimed, and Henrik’s grin widened. 

“Go get yourselves some drinks!” He told them before leaning in to Bobby. “I think El’s in the hot tub.” he winked, and Bobby’s eyes widened before he nodded. 

“Y-yeah, I’ll check it out.” He replied, before following his friends to the kitchen to track down something to drink. Chelsea was already on it, pressing a glass of something into his hand. 

“What is it?” 

“Whisky.” She grinned. “And!” She pressed a beer into his other hand. “There you go. Live it up!” 

He laughed and sipped the whisky. It stung a little, but in the best possible way. It didn’t take long for his friends to disperse, and he made for the hot tub before being stopped by a stunning brunette. She was dressed in gold, maybe something designer, he couldn’t be sure. She smiled at him, catching his elbow. 

“Where are you going so fast, cutie?” She asked, and he raised his eyebrows. 

“Huh?” 

“Do a shot with me.” 

“I don’t even know your name?” He managed to eke out, and she laughed. 

“Plenty of time for that later.” She smoothly poured two shots and shoved one into his hands. “Let’s drink.” 

He clinked his glass with hers before downing it, sighing at the after taste. “I’ve got to--” 

“One more.” She was already pouring it, and he took it, repeating the cycle. 

“It was nice to meet you.” He stuttered, before diving out the back door. He stumbled out into the night, almost slipping on the icy deck. He gathered himself, before realizing that El was indeed sitting in the hot tub, and miraculously, she was alone. 

“Oh, shit.” He swore under his breath, but she heard him. She turned her head and appraised him. 

“Well, are you coming in or not?” She asked, before grabbing her beer. 

“I don’t have anything to wear--” 

“The rule is you’ve got to be naked to get in. Don’t be shy.” She told him. He could feel the blush suffusing his cheeks and wondered just how much embarrassment one man could suffer in a night. 

“Fine, but don’t watch me.” 

“Modesty is so sexy.” She replied, but made a show of covering her eyes. Once he slipped into the water, she peeked from between her fingers. “Are you decent?” 

“Ha ha.” He flicked water at her, and she laughed softly. 

“The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable.” She shrugged, uncovering her eyes. She played with the label on her bottle, watching him carefully. 

“I don’t think you could ever.” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself. She raised an eyebrow. 

“Is that so? Sounds like a challenge to me.” She winked, and he covered his face helplessly. 

“I don’t know if I could survive anymore embarrassment tonight.” 

She scooted closer to him. “I’m just messing around with you.” 

Suddenly, he was acutely aware of just how naked he was, and how naked she was sitting beside him. Her thigh pressed against his, and he was definitely struggling (and probably failing) to keep his composure. 

“I haven’t seen you for a while, are you alright?” He asked, and she hugged herself, stretching her leg and poking her toes out of the water. 

“I will be. This time of year is just really hard for me.” She sighed softly. “I’m not going to tell you my sob story at a party, though!” She raised her beer as if for a toast. “To new friendships!” 

He raised his bottle to hers, and they drank together. 

“Do you ever worry about the future?” She asked suddenly, and when he looked over at her, her brilliant green eyes were searching him. 

“I try not to.” He perked a brow at her. “But yeah, I think we all do.” 

“I didn’t mean to get all deep on you.” She laughed softly. “I don’t know why that’s what popped into my head when I thought ‘let’s make conversation.’” She rolled her eyes. “But it’s good to know I’m not alone.” 

“Of course you’re not.” 

She smiled softly at him. He realized how close their faces were, and he was just a breath away from closing the gap and kissing her when they heard the patio door slide open. Chelsea and Jonno were in the group that came outside, and they slid away from each other hastily. 

“Hey!” Chelsea grinned at Bobby. “I was wondering where you got off to!” She wasn’t nervous about sliding off her clothes and jumping into the tub. The mood shifted to a raucous party mood, and Bobby got so sucked into a conversation with Jonno, Chelsea, and some new friends that he didn’t even notice that El had slipped away. When he did, it was hard to say how long she’d been gone. 

He slowly disengaged himself from the conversation, telling Chelsea that he was pruning up, which was definitely true. He shivered on the deck as he toweled off, silently thanking Henrik for stocking the place with towels. 

When he got back inside, he chucked his empty bottle in a bin and grabbed a fresh beer. He found Henrik sitting in the living room with the brunette he’d done shots with earlier and some other people he didn’t recognize. Henrik waved him over. 

“Have you met Blake?” Henrik asked, gesturing at the brunette. 

“Not officially.” Bobby laughed nervously, and Henrik perked a brow at her. 

“We did shots in the kitchen earlier.” She shrugged. 

“Oh, well, Blake, this is Bobby. He’s cool.” The blond nodded, and Bobby felt pride swell in his chest at the thought that he was cool. 

“Nice to actually meet you.” Blake stood up to give him a half hug and an air kiss on each cheek. Bobby sat down on the other side of Henrik. 

“Hey, could you do me a favor?” Henrik whispered to Bobby. He nodded. “Yeah, could you go check on El for me? I think she went home.” 

“Where--” 

“Next door. If she won’t let you in, she usually leaves her back door open.” 

“But--” 

“Just tell her I sent you if she yells at you.” Henrik’s face was creased with concern, and Bobby felt fear, or maybe it was anxiety, gripping his heart. 

“Alright.” Bobby took the key and left. He found himself standing in front of her door, which wore a slowly browning wreath upon it. He contemplated slipping back into the party and avoiding Henrik for a bit, telling him later that El was fine, just tired and overwhelmed, but he felt like he needed to see this through. 

He steeled himself and knocked on the door. 

“Hang on!” He heard El’s voice, and then her footsteps. She flung the door open, and her eyes widened. “Oh, you’re not my pizza.” She laughed at herself, shaking her head. But when her laughter faded, a strange kind of emptiness replaced it. 

“Sorry to disappoint you. I er...I just wanted to come make sure you were okay.” He told her. 

“Oh! Come in, it’s freezing out here.” She let him in and ushered him to her couch. “Yeah, I just got a bit overwhelmed. I’m not always the best in a crowd.” She sighed, shaking her head. “I thought tonight would be okay though.” 

“I understand.” He shrugged. “It was getting a bit much, honestly.” 

“You don’t have to stick around, I’ll be alright.” She told him. “I’m sure you’d rather be at the party.” 

“No, I’d rather be here,” he said without thinking about it. There was another knock on the door, and she jumped up to answer it. She came back with a pizza box and sat it on her coffee table. 

“Well, feel free to have some of this. I can only really eat a couple slices.” She told him. 

He gave in and grabbed a slice, realizing that he was hungry and he definitely needed something to balance out the booze. It felt good to eat, and he sat back, sighing happily once he’d decided he was full. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” He asked, and she wiped her mouth before leaning in closer. 

“I’ll be fine.” She cupped his cheek with the palm of her hand, pulling his face closer. “Stop asking.” She whispered into his mouth before closing the gap and kissing him. She was straddling him, her arms wrapped around his neck. This felt even better. 

“Should we be doing--” He tried to say between kisses, but she leaned in again. 

“I’m good.” She whispered in his ear. From the timbre of her voice, he knew not to press it. “Are you?” 

“Yeah,” He managed, pushing her hair back out of her eyes. “I’m good.” 

“Good.” She brushed her lips against his, pressing her body against him. She toyed with the hem of his sweater while she went in for another kiss. Almost instinctively he deepened the kiss, carding his fingers through her hair, mesmerized by the fact that in this moment, she wanted  _ him.  _

Time seemed to pass simultaneously in slow motion and all too quickly. He felt like he was having an out of body experience when she pulled off the dress she’d been wearing, exposing miles of smooth skin. His breath caught in his throat. 

“Holy shit.” He murmured, and she took his hand and led him to her bedroom. 

“Wait.” She frowned suddenly, hesitating in front of her bed. “Do you have a condom?” 

“Uh…” he fumbled in his pockets, but she held up a finger before turning and rummaging through one of her bedside tables. 

“Got one.” She fell back on her bed, holding out the square. 

He took it from her, but instead of using it right away, he laid kisses down the length of her body. She shivered, her hips rolling of their own accord. He dug his fingers into her thighs as his face moved lower. Below her belly button, until he was flicking his tongue out to tease her. She whimpered, guiding him home, teaching him just what she liked. 

She was too impatient, so she hooked her fingers under his jaw, coaxing his face toward hers, and reaching down for his jeans. She managed to unbutton them with one hand while the other guided his lips to hers. She kissed him while she slipped her hand into his waistband. 

He gasped softly as she found her target, pulling back to watch her face. She bit her lip, her eyes half shut. He flashed the condom at her. 

“Is this what you want?” He asked, and she nodded. “Say it.” 

“I want you.” She murmured, waiting patiently for him to take off his clothes. He hastily did just that, and rolled on the condom. He took a moment to admire her, his hands on her knees. He teased her, rubbing his hands over her belly, before leaning down to kiss her. She squirmed beneath him, trying to beg him with her body. 

“Last chance to back out.” He told her, and she placed one of her hands on his back, as if to push him into her. 

“Please, Bobby.” She breathed. He obliged, moving his hands to her waist, closing the distance between their lips again. She kissed him passionately, tugging at his hair gently, her back arching beneath him. 

He nipped at her neck, and she tightened her arms around him. She shuddered beneath him, trying hard to find her release with his help. 

She came close enough to make him think she’d finished, and even though she felt a pang of guilt for faking it, she let him hold her in the afterglow. She relaxed in his arms, sighing contentedly. For a little while, she was quiet, before she sat up suddenly. 

“Shit, you should get back to the party.” She told him. 

“What?” His eyes widened. “I completely forgot about it.” 

She leaned up to kiss him. “It’s definitely still going on.” 

“Only if you come back with me.” 

El leaned on her elbow, appraising him with a half smile as she thought it over. 

“Yeah, you could do with some arm candy.” She teased him, before launching herself back into his arms and kissing him again. 

“Ugh, I’d rather stay here.” 

“Your friends are almost definitely wondering where you are.” Even though she would have much preferred to stay in bed with him for the rest of the night, she knew returning to the party would be better. And besides, it might do her some good to get the upper hand in her situation with Henrik. 

\--

_ “Wait, I’m sorry, say that again.” Her voice broke.  _

_ “This.” Henrik gestured to the space between the two of them. “We need to end this.” He looked away, and she couldn’t tell if he was sad or pleased with himself.  _

_ “I--I don’t understand.”  _

_ “I think it’s time--it’s better--” He hesitated, drawing in a deep breath, and when his deep green eyes met hers, she caught the pain in them. “If you move on. We move on.”  _

_ She felt as though the wind had been knocked out of her. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t move, and the room felt electric with the buzz of broken hearts.  _

_ “It’s...the best thing? For us?”  _

_ “Yes, El.” She narrowed her eyes at him, pushing his shirt into his hands.  _

_ “Freya.” She held her head high, even if she was starting to feel her resolve weakening. His eyes softened, and he rubbed his arms awkwardly.  _

_ “Freya, look, I--I’m sorry.” He sighed softly.  _

_ “It’s just...god, your timing just sucks, Henrik.” She hugged herself. “Can we be friends after all of this? Like, is that possible?”  _

_ “It is for me.” He nodded, and even though he looked sad, she could tell he was sincere.  _

_ “I...I just might need some time.” She turned and walked out before he could say anything else. How could she explain the hurt that she felt for someone that she’d never proclaimed feelings for, that she didn’t have feelings for. Did she? Now that she knew she was leaving, she had no idea.  _

_ \-- _

_ She made an appearance at Henrik’s party, even though her head and heart were still reeling. She’d promised him, after all, and she didn’t break promises if she could help it. She chatted with him in the kitchen for a while before slipping away to the hot tub, where eventually she’d spend some time with Bobby.  _

_ She was overwhelmed when more people arrived in the hot tub, and slipped out as soon as the attention was off of her. She hovered in the kitchen for a time, chatting with a few of her friends, before popping out to the living room. Henrik sat on the couch with a familiar brunette.  _ Blake **_._ **

_ El’s heart stopped as Blake traced the lines of Henrik’s muscles over his sleeves, and he seemed to be enjoying the attention. She froze, watching as the brunette whispered something in his ear. He smiled, not moving away but also not leaning into it. Still, she couldn’t stop the ice that flooded her veins.  _

_ She turned before the reaction grew worse, but unbeknownst to her, Henrik had seen her. She made it to her door before she started crying, cursing under her breath as she fumbled with her keys, dropped them  _ twice, _ and finally opened the door.  _

_ She shut her door, ordered a pizza, and cried some more.  _

_ “If it didn’t mean anything, why does it hurt?” She asked no one in particular. It didn’t take her as long as she thought it would to compose herself, splashing cold water on her face.  _

_ Bobby showing up on her doorstep was a surprise, but not unwelcome. It just added to her confusion, but she could process that all later. She hoped.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise i am working on finishing some old stories and the like, i am just getting my ass brutalized by life lately. always an excuse. ;--; my sagittarius moon won't let me finish projects, only start them. 
> 
> anyway, i wanted to stay on a strict schedule for releasing chapters, but alas, i am impatient and fallible. regardless, i hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> let me know what you think! what do you think is going to happen? 
> 
> and if you're american i hope you voted!!!!


	5. Twister (green)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one where we find out more about El's past, she fulfills a need, and feelings are complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another smut scene? i don't remember writing two this close together, but here we are anyway.

El led Bobby in through the backdoor of Henrik’s house. “It’s better this way, trust me.” She told him, and he didn’t question it. She led him to get a beer, her hand in the crook of his elbow. 

Henrik walked in to grab something from the fridge, and that was the first thing he saw. He tried not to make it obvious that he was shaken up, especially since El looked happy. She was laughing and smiling easily at something Bobby was saying. 

His heart dropped, and he quickly left the room, trying to steady his breathing and his heart rate. Blake caught his eye and waved him over, and he forced his feet to move her way. She wasn’t even close to a substitute for El, but she was extremely beautiful and sought after. Maybe it was time he finally gave in. 

For a moment, he wondered why he even invited El, but remembered he couldn’t avoid her showing up if he wanted to. And he wanted to see her, he couldn’t lie. 

He’d known for so long that he needed to end this, to keep it strictly casual, and yet, he’d allowed feelings he couldn’t define to develop.  _ Fuck. _

He allowed himself to sneak glances into the kitchen when there was a lull in his conversation with Blake (she was boring him to death if he was being honest) and every time, she wore a bright smile. From a distance, she looked happy. He wanted to hold her in that moment forever, to only let her feel true pain so rarely. 

Henrik wondered if El had told Bobby about the crash, but decided she hadn’t. She was a closed book, a complete mystery, and it took a lot for her to open up about it. He still remembered the phone call from the hospital, and how he felt that night. Terrified. He knew that if he hadn’t been in the center of everything, she would have never talked to him about it, and that was a problem. 

They had fallen together by accident. It made sense, somehow. He’d go snowboarding with her in the winter, and she’d go mountaineering and camping with him in the summer. Though they never made things official, they had an unspoken agreement that they wouldn’t see anyone else. 

Things with El had always been comfortable in a way he’d never felt with anyone before her. These thoughts distracted him from Blake’s attentions to him. Her hand on his arm broke him from his musings with a start. 

“Are you listening to me, Henrik?” She asked him, her nose wrinkled. 

“Huh? Sorry, I must have zoned out.” 

Blake rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I was thinking…” She leaned in closer to whisper in his ear. “Maybe we could get some alone time?” 

In another life, he  _ might  _ have seen them together. In another life, he might have even responded immediately to her advances. He took a deep swig of his drink, before nodding at her reluctantly. She had been trying to get to him for a while, years maybe. Her eyes lit up as he led her to his guest room. He couldn’t put a finger on why, but it didn’t feel right to take her to his room. 

He risked one last glance in El’s direction, but she was leaning against Bobby and laughing at something Chelsea was saying. They looked like old friends, and he felt the strangest pang in his chest. He swallowed the lump in his throat, resting his hand on the small of Blake’s back. 

\--

“Oh em GEE!” Chelsea exclaimed when she happened upon Bobby and El in the kitchen. “Mama Bones!” She squealed excitedly, throwing her arms around El. 

“Oh! You can just call me El!” She told Chelsea, who squealed again. 

“You are like, so amazing.” Chelsea grinned, catching El’s hands in hers. “I’m so glad I got to meet you.” 

They talked for a while, and El forced herself to ignore Henrik, who she could see if she leaned a little to the right. Instead, she focused her attention on Bobby and Chelsea, trying her best to lose herself in the moment. 

Noah poked his head in after a while. “Hey, I think we’re going to call an uber soon.” 

El turned to Bobby, her eyes half lidded. “You can stay over if you want.” She whispered, and he nodded. 

“Hang on.” 

He moved over to Noah, leaning in. “I’m gonna stay at El’s tonight.” He told him, and his friend nodded. 

“Saucy.” Noah winked, and Bobby rolled his eyes. “Wait, did you--” 

“We’ll talk later.” Bobby returned, but winked back at him. 

“See ya tomorrow, then.” Noah fist bumped Bobby’s shoulder before turning and taking Chelsea with him, after tearing her away from El. 

\--

Bobby lay on his back, staring up at El’s ceiling. He listened to the sound of her shower running, and tried to keep himself from planning out an entire future with her. Maybe it was what he wanted, but she didn’t seem like the forever type. At least, not for him. Maybe for someone like Henrik. He’d always wanted someone like her, had always aimed for girls like her, but it never really worked out. He was starting to get a gut feeling that this wouldn’t work out, either.

He reminded himself to live in the now, to think about what she was going to do when she got out of the shower. 

She was wearing a fluffy robe when she came out, and she smiled at Bobby before slipping it off. His jaw dropped, and he sat up in bed, beckoning her to him. 

“Hey.” She breathed as she crawled on top of him. 

“Hey.” He replied. She pulled the covers away from him, tutting when she saw that he was still wearing an undershirt and boxers. She straddled him, brushing her lips against his. She tugged at his shirt. 

“You should lose this.” She bit her lip as he obliged, tugging it over his head and tossing it on the floor. She planted a trail of kisses from his chest down his toned stomach, until she reached his waistband. He sucked a sharp breath through his teeth as she tugged it down, holding him in her hand. “Do you want this?” She asked, poking her tongue out. 

“God, yes,” He breathed, the muscles in his stomach contracting as she took him in her mouth. She hollowed her cheeks as she plunged to the base of his cock. She ran her hands up the insides of his thighs before wrapping them around his shaft, twisting gently as her head bobbed up and down. He groaned, his hips rocking upward involuntarily as she worked him. 

She ran her tongue up his shaft, delighting in the moans that spilled from his lips. He watched her through slitted eyes, unable to open them further at that point. He ran his fingers through her hair, pulling it away from her face tenderly. He was mesmerized with the vision of her, her strawberry blonde hair cascading around her face, her emerald green eyes half open, the way her body trembled as she laved him with her tongue. 

“Oh, fuck,” He moaned, and she pulled her mouth off of him with a satisfying ‘Pop.’ She sat astride him, rolling her hips against his hardness as she rummaged in her side table. He dug his fingers into her hips, biting his lip as she found the condom she was looking for and rolled her head back, her eyes rolling back just slightly. She indulged in rubbing her clit against him, gasping softly as the pleasure washed through her. 

She inched her way up his body, until she was teasing him with the epicenter of all of her pleasure. He strained to reach her, flicking his tongue out before pouting at her. She kneeled atop his face, framing it with her thighs as he flattened his hands on the small of her back and devoured her. She choked back a moan, trying hard to keep it together. Her muscles tightened, and for once, her mind was clear. His tongue circled her clit, and he alternated between a sharp tongue and light sucking. 

“Please don’t stop.” She begged in a voice broken by pleasure and desire, her shoulders thrown back as she gripped his thighs for support. He had found just the right rhythm, and she felt like she was free falling. The moans were impossible to contain, and her breath grew quicker as he pushed her closer to the release she so desperately craved. 

“Oh my god,” She breathed before crying out sharply, her body shaking as she found ecstasy with the help of his tongue. She collapsed atop him, trying to catch her breath before looking for the condom she’d accidentally thrown on the ground in their passion. 

Halfway to her recovery, she rolled the condom down on him with her lips, before straddling him again. “Last chance to change your mind.” She breathed, and he shook his head. 

“Never.” 

“Then what do you want?” She asked, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth as she positioned herself, teasing him by withholding what she knew he wanted. 

“Fuck me.” He barely registered the words that fell out of his mouth, but it was what he wanted. God, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d wanted someone like this. Their first time had been awkward, he would be the first to admit it, but this time, it was electric. There was definitely chemistry between them. 

“Fuck me?” 

“Please, El. Please fuck me.” He begged, and she responded by plunging down until he was hilted. His body involuntarily lurched forward to meet hers, and she bit back a grin. It died on her lips as a half smile, before she leaned down to kiss him. 

She wrapped her hands around his wrists, pulling his arms above his head as she rocked her hips back and forth against him. He groaned into her mouth, breaking away from her kiss to moan in pleasure. “Holy shit.” He breathed. 

“You like that?” She whispered in his ear as she continued her motions. 

“God, yeah.”

She found herself lying on her back catching her breath, her fingers entwined with Bobby’s, some time later. He was also breathing heavily, and his thumb stroked the back of her hand absently. 

“God, El, you’re incredible.” 

She leaned over him, propped up on one elbow. “Yeah? You’re not too bad, yourself.” El poked her tongue out at him playfully, before rolling onto her back again and sighing. 

“You alright?” He asked, turning his head to her.” 

“Like I said, I will be.” She chewed on her lip. “This time of year is just...especially hard on me.” She rolled onto her side to face him, resting her cheek on her hand. “I feel like maybe I can talk to you about it now.” She shut her eyes, taking a deep breath before talking again. 

_ We were on our way home from a competition, and it was dark. I was asleep in the back, I’d taken a nasty spill on my last run and I wasn’t feeling well.  _

_ They told me it was a drunk driver. They told me my fiance had no time to react, that there was no avoiding it.  _

_ When I woke up in the hospital, and there was no sign of him, no one would tell me where he was no matter how many times I asked. Henrik was the only one who stayed at my side at first, but he was just as stunned as I was. All he could really do was hold my hand.  _

_ It wasn’t until my mother arrived from Glasgow I found out what happened.  _

_ “Dead on impact, my sweet girl. I am so sorry.”  _

_ I didn’t want to believe it, but I knew it was bad anyway, since my legs were broken, and my face stung with road rash. Apparently I was flung from the car, and I was lucky to survive.  _

_ I felt paralyzed with grief, and frustrated that it would be months before I could walk normally again, and guilty that I had survived and not him. Guilty that I hadn’t stayed awake to keep guard, even though I knew there was nothing I could have done. _

El leaned back and heaved a sigh, and Bobby sat staring at her, stunned. 

“God, I’m...I’m so sorry, El.” 

“Me too.” She sighed. “And before you ask, that board was his. And…I’d really like it if you kept it.” 

“I couldn’t.” 

“Well, it’d be one less thing for me to pack.” She hugged herself. “I’ve got to move home. Probably permanently.” Her eyes were dark, and Bobby frowned, trying to figure out how to process that. 

“Back to Glasgow?” 

“Back to Glasgow.” She confirmed with a sigh. “It’ll be nice to go home, but the circumstances are less than ideal. I’m not sure I’m ready to leave here.” 

“You’ve built a life here.” He told her. She nodded slowly. 

“Yeah.” She sighed again, wiping underneath her eyes with her sleeve. “I guess I have.” 

“I’d love to take you to my favorite spots...if it’s not too soon.” 

Her eyes brightened for a second, but it was clear she was thinking about something else. “I’d really like that.” She told him, before rolling over and curling up in a ball. “I don’t really know how I feel about everything, it’s all still so up in the air.” She murmured, and he slung his arm around her waist, pulling her close to him in a cuddle. 

“I think you’ll be alright.” He told her, and she grabbed his hand, running her thumb along the back of it sleepily. 

“I usually land on my feet.” She mumbled.


	6. Too Much (black diamond)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Henrik and El can't confront their own feelings apparently, I turn Marisol into a halfway decent character, and chaos. as usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soon I'll be posting the best scene I've ever written in my entire life and I'm sorry but I'm just so hyped for that. This story is consuming me as I work and rework and rework chapters again and again. It's driving me mad. I'm sure I'll reread this later and realize I've left plot holes but that's a bridge that I can cross later...I hope. 
> 
> I hope you're all staying safe and healthy! C':

Henrik woke up sick. His eyes fell on a mess of brunette hair, and he bolted out of bed, somehow without waking her. He pulled the rest of his hair back in the bathroom and kneeled in front of his toilet. The night was a blur, he didn’t remember much after taking Blake back to his guest room. The empty six packs on the floor of the room told the story, and he groaned. 

“God.” He breathed, shaking his head as he stumbled to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water. He chugged it, searching desperately for anything to cure the ache in his head. He slipped on a coat and his slippers and grabbed for his keys before remembering what El had told him. 

_ I just might need some time.  _

Any other time, El had the cure for his hangover. Any other time, he could go settle in on her couch while she made him coffee and crepes while he protested that he could make her breakfast. 

“ _ You’re hungover, Henrik.”  _ She’d say after tutting. “ _ You can cook me dinner tonight. _ ” 

He usually did, but it didn’t happen too often, just often enough for her to tease him about it. He’d go foraging and turn it into something palatable, and she’d sit at his kitchen table, beaming at him. It was simple, but it always impressed her, and she always wanted second helpings. 

He opened his freezer and pushed frozen vegetables out of the way to find an ancient pack of cigarettes. He’d quit ages ago, but kept a pack for emergencies. This was absolutely an emergency. 

He tightened his coat around himself as he grabbed a lighter and stepped out onto the back deck that their duplex shared. With trembling hands, he flicked the lighter and lit his frozen cigarette, inhaling deeply. He leaned against the railing, watching snow swirl around in the air. The cold air didn’t faze him, if anything, it was starting to make him feel better. 

That was, until he heard the screen door open. He didn’t turn around, he just focused on his cigarette. 

“Hen--” He heard her footsteps stop, and could almost imagine her fighting the urge to turn back inside. “Are you  _ smoking? _ I thought you quit?” El’s voice was soft, but filled with confusion. 

“Yeah.” Was all he said. She walked to the railing and turned to him. 

“Could I get one?” She asked softly, and he fumbled through the pack. She watched his hands tremble as he handed her the cigarette, and even more when he lit it for her. “Are you feeling alright?” She asked softly. 

“Maybe we don’t talk anymore.” He told her, and she stepped back. He didn’t fail to notice that she was bare footed, feet already turning bright red in the cold. He sighed softly, turning away from her. “I thought you needed time.” 

“Oh.” The surprised sound fell out of her mouth. “Shit.” She took a long drag and sighed. “I’m sorry, Henrik, I--” 

He spun on her, trying hard to keep his expression neutral. “I didn’t realize how bad this would hurt.” He admitted before he could stop himself. Subtlety had never been his strong suit, anyway. The words hit her like a punch in the gut and the shock was clear on her face as she stubbed out her half smoked cigarette and struggled for words. 

She floundered, her mouth opening and closing before she finally came up with something. “I forgot. This isn’t easy for me, either.” She spun on her heel and rushed back inside. He bent over, pressing his forehead to the accumulated snow on the deck railing. 

Almost as soon as her door closed, his door opened, and Blake stepped out. 

“What are you doing out here?” She asked, and he just barely concealed the cringe that rippled through his body as he slowly lifted his head. 

“Smoking.” 

“I thought you quit.” 

“I needed one.” He kneaded his temples. “You should probably get going.” 

“What, no breakfast?” Her voice was teasing, but she was frowning. 

“I don’t feel up to it.” He shrugged, before fixing her with a steady gaze. “Look, about last night…” 

“It was great, wasn’t it?” She smiled hopefully, and he shook his head. 

“No. I mean, it was fine, but--I can’t do this with you. This won’t work.” He told her. “I’m not into you like that.” 

“What the fuck?” Blake looked liable to start giving off sparks at any moment. “You said last night--” 

“I was out of my head last night. I don’t remember a thing that I said, but now is what you need to listen to. I don’t want to be with you, and I don’t want to lead you on.” 

“God dammit.” She muttered, shivering in the cold air. “I’ve liked you for such a long time.” 

“I’m sorry that I don’t feel the same. But I can’t help the way I feel.” He looked off into the woods, and she hugged herself beside him. “You can’t choose who you fall in love with.” 

“Sure you can.” Blake told him. “You just have to try.” 

“No.” He shook his head, turning back to her. “That’s not how it works. At least, not for me.” He sighed. It would be too easy to just fall into a relationship with Blake, but it didn’t feel right. And falling into bed with her the night before had absolutely been the wrong move. He definitely needed time, and not to jump into bed with the first willing party again. 

“It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have led you on. You’re very beautiful and cool. The right guy’s out there for you, but it’s not me.” He told her, trying his best to soften the blow. He’d never been really good at sugarcoating things, either. She leaned against the railing, folding her arms. She looked unhappy, but she patted his arm. 

“I get it.” The look on her face said otherwise, but he wasn’t going to argue if it meant she’d leave him alone. 

“Want me to drive you home?” 

“Nah, I’ll figure something out.” She turned and left him there, staring out at the snowflakes until he started shivering. 

He was grateful for an empty house, and he curled up under his covers, checking his schedule. He shot out a text to cancel his 10am class, and managed to fall asleep even though his head was threatening to explode. 

\--

El splashed cold water on her face and spritzed herself with perfume to cover up the cigarette smoke. She heard movement in her kitchen, and moved on to investigate. Bobby was searching through her cupboards. He turned when he heard her approaching. 

“Good morning, I thought I’d make you some breakfast.” He told her, and she smiled softly. 

“That’d be nice, if you’re offering.” She settled in at her breakfast table, her head in her hands as she watched the trees sway gently in the wind. Bobby set a cup of coffee in front of her. 

“Oh, thank you.” She took it gratefully and sipped. “This is perfect.” 

“Nothing less. Are you good with pancakes and uh…” He checked her fridge. “Scrambled eggs?” 

“With hot sauce.” 

“On pancakes?” He gave her an exaggerated incredulous look. 

“Don’t knock it till you try it!” She teased him, before shaking her head. “On the eggs, you nonce.”

“I knew that!” He protested, and set to work. She padded off to her bedroom to pull on a thicker robe, and some slippers. She was freezing, and she wasn’t sure if it was from her conversation with Henrik or from standing out in the cold. 

She turned up the heat and sat back at the table just as Bobby was plating up some pancakes and eggs. He’d found her favorite bottle of hot sauce and set it on the table next to her coffee. 

“I don’t even have pancake mix.” She told him, perking an eyebrow at him. 

“Well, cooking is part of my job.” He replied nonchalantly. She threw her hands up, shaking her head with a smile.

“Of course. Thanks for this, Bobby.” She tucked in happily, the food a relief to her empty stomach. “I’ve got to get ready for work. I’ll drive you back to your resort.” She went and got dressed, pulling on her layers while Bobby dressed across the room from her. She padded off to the bathroom, throwing on a bit of makeup to conceal the bags under her eyes. 

“Ready?” She asked, pulling her boots on. 

“Yep!” Bobby was smiling, and she returned it, almost feeling relaxed despite all the conflict in her head. 

Bobby found himself impressed that El wasn’t fazed by the snow piling up on the roads, but he wasn’t sure why. He clung to the door handle, it wasn’t that she was a bad driver, it was more that he needed something to stay grounded. 

“You alright?” She asked. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He shook his head. “I’m not used to American cars I guess.” 

“It’s a bit of a shock, yeah. Don’t worry, it’s not that long of a drive. I know a shortcut.” She cut off onto an access road, and though it was gravel, she was still cruising along at a good clip. 

It really didn’t take them long to get to the resort, and they were both grateful for it. 

“Alright, I’ll see you later.” She told him, and he cupped her cheek with his hand, leaning in for a kiss. She kissed him softly. 

“See you.” 

He spent the rest of the day in bed while his friends hit the slopes. For whatever reason, the hangover hit him extremely hard as soon as he got in the shower. 

“You’re staying here?” Noah asked in disbelief. 

“So I just got hit with the worst hangover.” 

“Tough luck.” Noah grabbed a couple bottles of water and a gatorade out of the mini fridge and set them on the bedside table. “Drink these, or I’m going to force feed them to you when I get back.” 

“Sheesh, alright.” Bobby rolled his eyes and started drinking. Noah smiled and left. 

He managed to down two of the bottles in an hour, and the throbbing in his head began to subside and he spent the rest of the day sleeping. 

\--

El found herself with a couple hours of free time after her lessons, and after a break (and a couple beers to help ‘clear her head’) she hit a lift. Carving down the mountain could definitely help clear her head too, she hoped. She was surprised to see Henrik at the top of the lift, chatting with Rocco and Marisol. 

Rocco spotted El and waved her over. She shook her head, but then Henrik noticed her. She hurriedly strapped her back foot in, not paying attention to which run she went down. 

“C’mon, let’s follow her!” She heard Rocco and sighed softly to herself. She recognized the run, and dived off into a thicket, shedding her board and crunching through the snow to a clearing. 

She heard footsteps behind her and turned slowly. Marisol had her hands up as though to pose herself as non threatening. 

“It’s just me.” 

“Thank god.” El breathed, crunching the rest of the way to a cooler. She opened it and pulled a couple beers out, handing one to Marisol. She sat on a log bench, and Marisol sat beside her. 

“Are you alright?” Marisol asked softly, and El sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

“You know? I really wish people would stop asking.” She sighed, shaking her head. “I am, but I’m not.” She shrugged. Marisol pulled El into a hug, and she sniffled, burying her face in Marisol’s coat. “I might have heard you could use a friend.” 

“Oh, have you talked to Henrik, then?” 

“More like he talked to me.” She took a sip and shrugged. “But I’m here to talk to you, El.” 

“Well, I hope you have a lot of time.” El downed her beer and reached for another. 

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” 

“I’m just struggling.” She sighed, leaning forward and burying her head in her hands. “The thing I’m most terrified of is being abandoned, and that started when Dyl died. Among all the survivor’s guilt, I felt like I’d been left behind, even if it wasn’t rational, you know? 

“So this thing I have with Henrik was simple--wait, I mean, had. What we had. We just kind of fell into a pattern, and I didn’t think it would bother me if he left, because he does just kind of disappear from time to time. He goes on those mountain retreats and doesn’t tell me until he’s already there, but that doesn’t feel like being abandoned.

“And maybe I really started liking someone else, but I don’t--I don’t know if this is real or if I’m just moving too fast to avoid the hurt. I don’t know  _ why  _ I’m still hurting over something that happened years ago.”  __

El talked for a while, before Marisol started analyzing and giving her advice. 

“You need to figure out your feelings. Take some time to yourself and try to process it.” Marisol told her, and El nodded. She downed her beer and slipped their empty bottles back in the cooler. 

“Henrik will clean it later.” She told Marisol, before grimacing and then shivering. “I don’t understand why it hurts so much if I didn’t have feelings for him. That’s what’s eating me alive, Salsa.”   
“Well, Bones, clearly, you do have feelings for him. You just don’t want to admit it.” 

“No. No way.” El frowned, shaking her head. “I--that makes--no.” 

“Look, don’t glitch out about it. Give it time, and you’ll see that I’m right.” Marisol’s voice was calm. 

“But there’s no way he feels the same.” 

“Are you fucking kidding me, El?” Marisol laughed, shaking her head. “It’s Henrik we’re talking about. He’s been faithful to you and you alone for the past, oh, what has it been? Three years? Two? I don’t know, but you know that’s not like him.” She laughed again, slapping El’s back lightly. 

“Then why hasn’t he told me?” 

“God, El. God.” Marisol rolled her eyes. “ _ Think  _ about it. Really, really,  _ really  _ think about it.” She snapped the blonde’s helmet strap. “You’ll figure it out on your own. Or, you’ll do the smart thing and talk to him about this. Figure it out, babes.” Marisol started walking back to her board. “We’ll talk again tomorrow, and every night for the rest of the week. We are going to get you through this.” 

“Thanks, Marisol.” El followed her friend-turned-therapist and sighed. “Really, this is amazing, and I’m so grateful for you doing this for me.” 

Marisol tugged her into another hug. “Hey, don’t mention it. Seriously. Not another word.” She turned and strapped into her board. “See ya.” 

And with that, she was gone, leaving El to her own board. She strapped in and looked up the run, only to see that Rocco and Henrik were coming back down. 

“Get your own run, Hippie!” She yelled, and he laughed as he skidded to a stop in front of her. Henrik reluctantly followed him, giving El a polite nod. She ignored him. “I left you 20 cents.” She told Rocco before turning down the mountain.

Her braids had long since broken free from her balaclava, and the sound of them beating against her coat along with the wind whistling by her ears was somehow cleansing. 

Maybe the more she saw Henrik on the mountain, the less it would hurt, she thought. Maybe in a week, once the dust had settled, she could talk to him again. She could go borrow a book and sit on his floor reading while he lusted over mountaineering catalogues. Or maybe she’d bake him cookies, bring him a glass of milk and curl up in his arms--

She stopped herself. It was dangerous to go down that line of thinking. She should focus on whatever she was developing with Bobby. She sighed to herself, before catching an unexpected bump in the snow and taking a tumble. “Aw, shit.” She mumbled to herself. She rested in the snow for a while (she was off to the side, so the danger was low) before slowly starting to sit up. 

She made sure nothing was out of place, and just before she got up, she heard “Hey! Are you alright?” And turned to see Henrik gliding toward her. Her heartbeat quickened, and she knew suddenly that this pain wouldn’t subside for months.

“Yes,  _ Meatball _ . I’m fine.” She muttered, shoving her hands under her backside. He couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes at the old nickname. 

_ “You’ve been saying my name wrong.” He’d told her, and she frowned.  _

_ “So? The nickname still works.” She rolled her eyes at him. “I know things.” _

_ “It doesn’t, really.” He shrugged, trying not to be offended that she saw him as a player. Explaining himself further wouldn’t do him any good, either. “But whatever you like.”  _

_ “Hmm.” She frowned in thought. “Okay, how about…” She steepled her hands under her chin. “Meatball.”  _

_ “Oh, because I’m Swedish?”  _

_ “No, because I’ve seen your sexts.”  _

_ Henrik went bright red and turned to leave, but her laughter followed him all the way out of the lodge.  _

__

“Let me help you up.” He told her, and she shook her head stubbornly. As much as she wanted to take his hand and let him help her, she was mad at him. Or, she considered, she was mad at herself. She scowled at him, and his eyebrows knitted together for a brief moment before he sighed to himself and skidded away from her. She muttered a curse under her breath, shaking her head as she tried to decipher why she was even mad. She definitely needed another chat with Marisol soon. 

She was upright as soon as she wanted to be, and back on her way, sailing down the mountain effortlessly. Once at the bottom, she shed her board and trudged back to her car, not even bothering to stop in the lodge on her way out. 

She sat in her car with her forehead resting on the steering wheel, trying to process Marisol’s words from earlier. She checked her phone and saw a message from Bobby. 

_ B: Hungover as shit, slept all day. Hope you’re good.  _

_ E: Yeah, had an easy day. Heading home now, maybe see you tomorrow?  _

_ B: Hope so! :)  _

She shoved her phone back into her pocket and started her car, throwing it in neutral so she could sit while it warmed up. She looked up only to realize Henrik had parked right in front of her. She’d recognize his vanity plates, (a gift from Lucas) MTN MAN, anywhere. She sighed, palming her forehead.

“Fuck me.” She muttered. “Ugh.” She wanted nothing more than to call him and just talk about anything. It hadn’t even been a week and already she felt weird without him checking in on her every so often. She needed the time and space, but she couldn’t stop herself from missing him, and from dwelling on Marisol’s words. How could she have feelings for Henrik but not know it? 

She considered that maybe they’d been there all along, and she’d just been so caught up in her prolonged grief that she ignored it, or passed it off as something else, but the fact of the matter was that Henrik was the first and only person she’d felt one hundred percent safe with after the crash. As much as she wanted the space to think about it, she also wanted to talk to him, as Marisol had suggested. 

If he had feelings for her, she needed to know before she left for Glasgow. 

The days passed quickly, and sometimes she’d snowboard with Bobby when she had free time, and others she’d sit behind the rental shack and sneak cigarettes and shots from her hip flask. She bumped into Henrik late one afternoon and frowned at him. 

“Share a lift?” He asked, and she folded her arms, pulling her balaclava up. 

“Fine.” She told herself it was only because it was busy (and it was) but she knew that she wanted to be near him. The lift probably wasn’t the best place to talk about their feelings, so she tried to sit as far from him as she could, but it was a two person chair, so she was wedged right against him, rethinking all of her life choices. 

“Why don’t you go to Keystone or something instead?” She asked, trying to sound nonchalant. 

“I like it here.” He shrugged at her, pushing his goggles onto his helmet. She tried not to look into his deep, green eyes, but she got caught in his gaze. 

_ Fuck. _

“What happened to not talking?” She demanded, and he sighed. 

“It’s hard. I’m sorry.” He looked away. “I’ll try harder.” He told her. 

She wanted to tell him it was alright, that she didn’t mind, and that they couldn’t really avoid each other, but nothing came out. She just stared at her hands. 

“It’s alright.” She finally managed. “But maybe you should take a break from snowboarding.” She offered. 

“I’m trying to get better.” He protested, pouting slightly. 

“You are.” She resisted the urge to touch him, instead focusing on how long they had left on this lift. Still a while. “Who are you trying to impress?” She teased, and he looked away and said nothing. “It’s a big mountain. I don’t understand why we keep running into each other.” She muttered, then pulled her gloves on and held the edge of the chair as she stared forward. She was done talking. 

Once they got off the lift, Henrik turned to her before bending to strap into his binding. “We should talk later.” He told her, before disappearing down the run. El muttered a few curses under her breath, palming her forehead. God knows it was what she wanted, but the anxiety had her heart pounding so hard she had to take a moment to breathe it out before she could head down the mountain. 

\--

El spent the next few days avoiding Henrik. She left earlier for work, and when he started leaving earlier, she left later again. She parked in the farthest reaches of the parking lot when she thought he might show up. She did everything she could, and yet, he still grinned and waved at her whenever he saw her and Bobby together on the mountain.

It was a big mountain, El couldn’t understand how he always seemed to find her. 

“Hey, you feeling ok?” Bobby asked her one day. 

“Oh, yeah. I might go home early. My lesson rescheduled, and I just...I’m exhausted.” 

“One more run?” 

“Sure, I’m up for it.” She shrugged, and he followed her to a chair. To her surprise, Chelsea and Henrik slid over to them. 

“Hey, babes, mind if we share a lift?” Chelsea grinned, and it was impossible to say no to her. She shot a look at Henrik, but nodded. 

“Yeah, let’s do it.” 

She tried to make sure she was between Chelsea and Bobby, or at least on an edge, but somehow, she ended up right between Henrik and Bobby. 

“Oh my god.” 

Henrik leaned in. “Why have you been avoiding me?” He whispered, and she shoved her goggles onto her helmet to glare at him. 

“Space, Henrik. God, I’m so mad at you.” She tried to keep her voice to a whisper, but Bobby probably heard her. She hesitated, but luckily, he’d turned to talk to Chelsea about something. 

“I’ve been worrying about you.” He frowned, and she shook her head at him. 

“Why on earth are you like this?” She folded her arms, turning away from him and looking to see how long they had on the lift. Way too long. 

“Look, just because we--well, you know--it doesn’t mean I stopped caring about you. And I know--” 

“Fine, we can talk later.” She kicked a chunk of snow off of her board, purposefully knocking it into his while she did. “What else do you even have to say to me?” She glowered at him, and he shook his head. 

“El, come on, don’t do this.” 

“You’re not the only one hurting right now.” She hissed and turned away from him pointedly. She pulled her goggles back over her eyes, if only to cover the angry tears that sprang to her eyes. 

She sat in silence for the rest of the ride, only coming to life if Chelsea asked her something. That girl was a gem, and El had always wanted a friend like her, if she was being honest. 

At the top, Henrik and El’s boards got slightly tangled, and they ended up falling together, him holding the back of her jacket in a bid to keep her upright. It worked for a bit, until they collapsed due to her board being stuck under his. 

“Shit.” She had landed on top of him, and the proximity of their bodies was doing her no favors. Her breathing quickened, and she was suddenly alert to every part of her that was touching him even through their thick layers. She pushed herself away from him hastily, taking Bobby’s offered hand. She didn’t miss the blush that suffused Henrik’s cheeks, or the pang in her chest.

“Not sure what happened there.” She laughed it off, while Bobby helped Henrik up next. 

“I still fall and I’ve been doing this for ages!” Chelsea offered comfortingly, patting El on the back. They skated to a safer spot, and El bent to do up her bindings. 

“I’m definitely going home after this one.” El complained. “I’m hurting.”

“You should call Lucas.” Henrik told her, and she recognized the concern in his eyes. 

“I’ll think about it.” She pulled up her facemask, obscuring any expression that might have crossed her face. She didn’t miss the hurt in Henrik’s eyes, and she felt horrible, almost like there was a gaping hole where her heart should have been, but why was he trying to be closer to her when he’d told her he needed space, too? Her stomach dropped and she wanted to cry, but  _ he  _ was the one who ended things, not her. She turned to Bobby. “Ready?” 

“Sure.” He looked uneasy, but it wasn’t because of the mountain. The tension between El and Henrik was so obvious, and he wasn’t sure how to feel about it. El had made it rather clear she was interested in Bobby, but it didn’t seem that simple. He kicked off, and Henrik and Chelsea followed them down the run. 

El hit a powdery ramp and caught some air, pulling a 360. “Woo!” She exclaimed in the air, pumping her arms. She pulled some weird tricks that Bobby had never seen before, and he was impressed yet again. She rode on the nose of her board, trailing her fingers in the snow behind her. 

“How the hell do you do that?” Bobby asked, and she laughed as she went completely upright again. 

“Upper body strength helps.” She spun in the snow, clearly just having fun instead of trying to go fast. “God, I forgot how fun this is.” She laughed. 

Henrik was lost in her motions, the way it seemed so easy for her, and how easy it was for her to laugh. She looked happy, the way she threw her arms up every time she landed looked like she was filled with pure joy. Her face mask had slipped down, and he could see her mouth stretched wide in a grin. 

“Do a flip!” Chelsea called out jokingly, and El checked out how much run she had left. 

“Oh, what the hell.” She picked up some speed, before jumping and tucking, landing a perfect front flip. 

“Holy shit.” Bobby exclaimed.

“Damn, she hasn’t done that in years.” Henrik’s eyes widened. He was happy to see her up to her old tricks, but a little worried, at the same time. He knew that she’d been scared to put too much weight on her legs, and that it had taken over a year to coax her back onto a board after the accident. That, paired with the fact that just minutes before she’d admitted she was hurting had him spiraling in concern. 

She cruised to the bottom of the run, backsliding to a stop, and pretending to claw at the snow before dropping to her face in the snow. 

“Is she--” 

“Yeah, she used to do that all the time.” Henrik stopped a little more clumsily, just as El hopped back up and unbound her boots. 

“So I’m taking off. See ya.” She gave Chelsea a hug, before pressing a kiss to Bobby’s cheek and disappearing. Bobby gave Henrik a curious look, but the blond just shrugged and skated back to the lift without a word. 

“I’m gonna get a boozy hot cocoa. Want anything?” Chelsea asked. 

“Nah, I’m gonna grab a few more runs.” Bobby skated off after Henrik, trying to catch up with him. 

He found himself in a chair with the Swede, and sat quietly for a long time before turning to him. 

“Are you okay?” Bobby asked, and Henrik sighed. 

“Never better.” He smiled brightly, but Bobby could tell he was lying. Maybe it was better not to press it, especially considering his proximity to El. 

“Things seemed tense between you two.” Bobby tried to stop himself, but the words came up anyway. 

“It’s always been that way.” Henrik shrugged. “She’s a great girl. You should enjoy her.” 

Bobby choked on his own spit and spluttered, coughing for a moment. “I--” He felt the blush suffusing his cheeks and shook his head. “I don’t think it’s serious between us.” He shrugged offhandedly. 

“Phrases are hard.” Henrik palmed his forehead. “She just seems to really like you.” Henrik tried to keep his voice cool and informal, and for the most part, it worked. “Just have fun, that’s all.” He smiled again, and Bobby tried to relax, but he couldn’t stop the sneaking suspicion that Henrik would rather push him off of the lift than to have this conversation. 

“How long have you been here?” Bobby asked, trying desperately to shift the conversation to something less awkward. 

“Oh, a while. Like, maybe ten years? I don’t really keep track of these things.” 

“Why here?” 

“A little voice in my head told me to come here, and that I would have the adventure of my life.” He smiled conspiratorially. “So far, so good.” If he could keep the conversation on the mundane, maybe he could keep the images of Bobby kissing El that seemed to haunt him when he got quiet at bay. 

“It’s very beautiful here.” Bobby wanted to crack jokes, wanted to talk about anything other than the scenery, but his mouth wouldn’t move in those shapes. He gave up, Henrik didn’t seem to be in a talking mood, anyway, and he was much too cowardly to ask the real questions. 

_ What the fuck is going on between you and El?  _

“Nothing.” Henrik practically growled, and Bobby started. 

“Wait, did I say that out loud?” 

“Yes.” Henrik fixed him with a glare. “Don’t ask me those things.” He forced a smile again, waving his hand dismissively. At the top, he turned to Bobby. “Have a good run.” He’d strapped in and disappeared down the mountain before Bobby could respond. 

Something  _ had  _ been going on between Henrik and El, and now Bobby felt like an enormous asshole. Had he broken them up? Selfishly, he wasn’t sure he wanted the answer. He just wanted to enjoy whatever time he had with her. 


	7. Breathless (double black diamond)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her phone rang once she reached the top of the run with Bobby and Blake, and even though they were all about to rock down, she paused to answer it, her heart in her throat at the fear it was about Henrik, especially when it was Lucas’ name flashing across her screen. 
> 
> “Bones, you have to get to the hospital now.” Lucas’ voice sounded urgent, and she shook her head in disbelief. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, I was going to make this a cliffhanger, but since I'm being generous and posting two chapters tonight, I ended it in a spot that made more sense. 
> 
> after i post the next one i'm working on a RH chapter in earnest ;--; why am i the way i am!!!

There was a knock on her door at around seven thirty, pm, and she reluctantly opened it. She nearly slammed it shut when she saw Henrik standing there, shivering in the cold, snowflakes falling and nestling themselves in his hair. 

“What?” She frowned, and he held out his hands. 

“We need to talk about this.” He told her, and she scoffed, wrinkling her nose. 

“There’s nothing to talk about.” 

“El, please.” He shivered violently, and though it was the last thing she wanted to do, she relented and let him in. 

“Well, don’t freeze to death.” 

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled. “I didn’t want to leave things like this, and I know you’re sick of me by now.” 

El appraised him through narrowed eyes, her hands on her hips. 

“Can you stop acting like you’re not the one who asked for this?” She demanded, and he sighed softly. “Do you want a drink?” She turned and headed to the kitchen. He shook his head, but she brought him a glass of rum anyway. He swallowed the lump in his throat and took a polite sip, overwhelmed by the fact that she had remembered his favorite. 

“I just wanted to apologize, again.” He told her, and she rolled her eyes at him. 

“You can stop.” She sat down a safe distance from him. “You know, this wasn’t how I thought we were going to end.” She told him, frowning slightly. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah.” 

“How did you think?” He asked, unable to bite back his curiosity. 

“I don’t know, I figured you’d meet someone cooler than me, with less trauma, and who’s probably better at snowboarding than me.” 

Henrik snorted in laughter despite himself, covering his mouth and shaking his head. “I don’t think that’s possible.” 

“Really?” She snorted this time. “You must have never seen Hannah Teter. Or Chloe Kim. Or Torah Bright. Or--” 

“El.” Henrik wrinkled his nose.

“Yeah.” She sighed, leaning back. “I’m starting to think we’re going about this the wrong way. Maybe we should…” She frowned, tasting the words, trying to decide if they were right. “Well, since we’re both hurting so much, maybe we should make this a clean break.” She brought her hand to her face and chewed on her thumbnail anxiously. 

“I don’t want to do that.” He leaned forward, burying his face in his hands. 

“Neither do I, but we’re not doing ourselves any favors here, Henrik.” She folded her arms across her chest. “Maybe when we’re both over whatever it is we need to get over, we can revisit our friendship, but for now I think it’s best if we just cut contact completely.” 

“I guess you’re right.” Henrik reluctantly dragged himself off of her couch, and the despondent expression he wore made her want to call it off, to beg him to stay, to do anything she could to wipe it off his face and replace it with something happier. But she couldn’t. He was gone before she could say anything, and she was left sitting on her couch, reeling.

Would this nightmare ever end? 

“Mate, you’re a fucking idiot.” Gary ribbed Henrik over his pint. Lucas just smiled with pressed lips, refusing to sound an opinion on the matter. 

“I don’t even  _ like  _ her. We have nothing in common. Not like--” 

“Mate, I swear, if I have to hear her name one more time--” 

“It’s not her fault that you don’t take your job seriously.” Lucas finally chimed in. Henrik glowered in Gary’s general direction and took a large pull from his drink. 

“I didn’t even bring that up!” Gary protested. “Blake is a  _ dime.  _ Who cares if you have anything in common? Best way to get over someone is to--” 

Lucas coughed awkwardly, shaking his head. “Do you even know Henrik? Even a little bit?” 

Henrik stared into his drink miserably. He hated to admit that Lucas was right about this, but the man knew him like a brother. “Yeah, it’s not that easy.” Henrik muttered, pushing a chunk of ice around the glass with his index finger. “I mean, it’s--” 

“Mate.” Gary pushed his plate across the table in frustration.

“Why don’t you get with Blake if you’re so keen on her?” Lucas asked, and Gary snorted. 

“Oh, sure, if she was into me like that.” He rolled his eyes. “You and I both know she only has eyes for the mountain man.” 

Henrik sunk lower into his chair. “This isn’t making me feel any better.” He tossed back the rest of his drink, as Lucas patted his back in an attempt to be comforting. 

“You just gotta get under someone else, mate!” Gary finally managed to spit out, much to Lucas’ chagrin. “Trust me, we’ll be your wingmen.”

“I’m just going to go.” He threw some money on the table and stood, swaying just slightly. but Lucas placed a hand on his arm. 

“You shouldn’t be driving. I’ll get you home.” He told the blond, and Henrik sighed as he walked with Lucas to his car. “Gary means well.” Lucas started, and Henrik swatted at imaginary gnats in mild irritation. 

“You know better.” Henrik glowered. “I knew coming out here would be a mistake.” 

“It’s not my fault he wanted to tag along! Rocco was supposed to be here, too.” Lucas protested. 

“I shouldn’t have called the damn thing off.” Henrik buried his face in his hands. “Now I just can’t stop thinking about them, together…” 

“Mate, you need to try.” Lucas tried to soothe him, but as open and honest as sober Henrik was, alcohol only magnified it. 

“I’ve tried.” Henrik sighed. “You know how I feel about her.” 

“Do you mean to tell me that you haven’t told  _ her _ how you feel?” Lucas stared at his friend in shock.

“It’s the one thing I can’t seem to do.” He slumped in the seat, tugging at the seatbelt halfheartedly. “There’s just no way she feels that way, Lucas.” Henrik shook his head dejectedly. 

“How do you know if you haven’t talked about it?” 

“I know  _ her _ . She’s scared that if she falls for someone, she’ll lose them, too.” He rubbed his forehead. “She’s never going to get over the crash.” 

“Henrik, all I am going to say is that she  _ is  _ happy when she’s with you. Perhaps for now, cutting contact--” 

“But it’s not what I want.” Henrik pouted, and Lucas tried to hide the smile that wanted to creep across his lips. 

“What about her?” He asked, and he shrugged. 

“She says it is, but I don’t really believe her.” 

“You’re both too stubborn for your own good.” Lucas shrugged. 

“I’ve never been interested in Blake that way. It’s nothing against her, it’s just that--well, you know,  _ Freya. _ ” 

“I really think you should tell her, Henrik.” Lucas’s voice was even, and calm, and deep down, Henrik knew his friend was right. 

“I’ll try.” Henrik shut his eyes and leaned against the headrest. “But, Lucas, what if she doesn’t feel the same way?” 

“Wouldn’t it be better to find out now? That way, if she doesn’t, you can move on faster.” 

Henrik leaned forward, burying his face in his hands. “I wish any of this was making me feel better.” He groaned into his hands. “But it’s not.” 

“Mate, I’m not trying to make you feel better.” Lucas told him bluntly. “I’m trying to help you figure this out.” 

Henrik tipped back the bottle, and the liquid hit his throat before he even had a chance to taste it or recoil from the burn. He needed to get drunk, he needed to feel anything other than the still broken and barely healing heart that was somehow still beating in his chest. 

He felt self destructive, so when Rocco called and asked him if he’d be up for some backcountry snowboarding with him and Jo the next day, he didn’t think twice. Who cared if it was dangerous? He didn’t even think to check the avalanche forecast, but if he had, he would have found the danger was considerable.

It wouldn’t have stopped him anyway. He couldn’t remember ever feeling this level of grief before, but whenever he lost someone or felt low, he always seemed to want to push the self destruct button and implode in on himself. He grabbed a six pack to bring out to the hot tub and pushed four bottles into a snowdrift. He turned on the speakers, blaring his breakup playlist, half hoping El would come out to shut him up, and half hoping the universe would let him wallow and drown in his misery. 

Maybe calling time on their relationship had been the wrong thing to do, Henrik considered, but it wasn’t fair to hold her back from getting to know Bobby, either. Even the most crystal clear logic wouldn’t keep Henrik from wailing along to sad country songs.

El sat in her kitchen nursing a spiked hot chocolate and ignoring the music blasting from the back porch. Whatever Henrik was doing out there was none of her business. It might have stayed that way if her phone wasn’t ringing because this was the fifth time in a row Taylor Swift’s Teardrops On My Guitar was playing. 

“Hello?” She answered. 

“Yeah, hey, sorry to bother you, but Henrik’s been out on your back deck blasting break up songs for the last hour. Is there a chance you could collect him?” Her neighbor asked, and she sighed softly. 

“I’ll do my best.” She replied, hanging up the phone and kneading her forehead. She took a deep cleansing breath, trying to steady herself. It had been a few days since they’d last spoken, as she’d become adept at avoiding him, and he was finally starting to remember what they’d said. 

She didn’t expect to find him, slumped over the side of the hot tub,  _ SOS  _ by  _ ABBA  _ blaring through the outdoor speakers. She found the remote and turned it down,  _ way  _ down, and started cleaning up the empty bottles he’d scattered next to the hot tub. 

El might have thought he was dead if it weren’t for the fact that he was clearly weeping into the padding on the edge of the tub. She tutted softly and shook her head to herself, clinking the bottles into the bag loudly so he would definitely know she was there. He didn’t look up. 

“Henrik.” She stared at him, but he didn’t acknowledge her. “ _ Henrik!  _ What is your deal?” She set the bag down and crossed over to him, and he shook his head. “The neighbors don’t like your music, Henrik.” She cocked her hip, narrowing her eyes at him. “And, frankly, I’m worried about you. Did you just find out ABBA broke up?” 

His head shot up. “No! They’re releasing new music soon!” He countered, and she clapped her hands together. 

“Got you!” She smiled slowly. “Now, would you get your ass into bed? I don’t really want anymore calls from the neighbors telling me to come get you.” She huffed. “And, I’m not so happy about breaking our--” 

“I’m going.” He interrupted her and pulled himself out of the tub sullenly, pulling a robe over his toned body. Without a backward glance, he trudged toward his side of the house, and she watched, dumbfounded. She had  _ never  _ seen him this way, and it was incredibly troubling. And, even more troubling, was the pit in her stomach at the thought of him being so unhappy. He stopped just before he got to his door and turned around. 

“I’m  _ not  _ crying over you.” He slurred before going inside and sliding the door shut aggressively. Her shoulders rounded and her chin dropped as she stood frozen. His words only confirmed to her that she was and had been the reason for his drop in mood. 

_ When you’re gone _

_ Though I try, how can I carry on?  _

Those were the lyrics she heard and tried not to overanalyze just before she hit the power button, sinking to her knees beside the hot tub. What was she supposed to do? Watching Henrik in clear pain was clouding her judgment, and she had to talk herself out of letting herself into his house and comforting him. Instead, she took a sleeping pill and crawled into bed, hoping that she wouldn’t dream. 

\--

Henrik bumped into El in the morning. “Where are you going?” She asked before she could stop herself, and he was answering before he could stop himself. 

“Rocco’s taking me to the back country today,” he said, and the concern that flooded her eyes was overwhelming. “What? It’ll be fine.” 

“No, hold on.” She turned and ran back inside, reappearing with a backpack. He recognized it as an avalanche airbag, and he shook his head. 

“Nah, I’ll be fine. I don’t need that.” 

She narrowed her eyes and shook her head. “Just take the bag. Please.” She looked overwhelmed with worry and fear, and he couldn’t refuse. Anything could happen, he supposed, and it would be better to have it and not need it. 

“You have to stay on top of the avalanche if it happens.” She told him, her eyes dark as she pushed the bag into his hands. Her hands shook, and she lingered a little too long. “You shouldn’t go. I’ve got a bad feeling.” 

He shrugged his shoulders. “It’s too late, I already told Rocco I’d go.” She let go of the bag reluctantly, her face falling. 

“Just be careful, then, Henrik.” Her voice was small.

Maybe he’d waited too long to pull the cord. The snow swirled around him, swallowing him whole, mercilessly carrying him down the mountain and burying him as he reached for the handle and tugged desperately, praying he would survive, wishing he would have listened. He silently thanked El for shoving this backpack into his hands, and that was the last thing he remembered before waking up in a hospital bed. 

\--

El waited in the lodge, having checked the board for her lesson plans for the day. “B. Caldwell. F, brunette.” She waited in the lodge, decked out in a neon green vest with “INSTRUCTOR” emblazoned on the back. Much to her chagrin, she looked up to see Blake making a bee line for her. 

“Is your last name really Caldwell?” El asked. 

“No, I just figured you wouldn’t take the lesson if you knew it was me.” Blake flipped her hair over her shoulder casually, taking in El through narrowed eyes. The blonde drew in a deep, cleansing breath, rising to her feet and forcing herself to be professional. 

“So what made you want to learn to snowboard? I thought you liked skiing.” 

“Oh, I’m trying to impress  _ someone. _ ” Blake smiled conspiratorially, and El found herself shocked at the slew of emotions hitting her. Jealousy spread like wildfire through her, but she shook it off. She didn’t suit green, ( _ especially  _ her ugly instructor vest) and anyway, what could she possibly be jealous over? Blake’s fling(or was it more?) with Henrik? As far as El was concerned, it was  _ over  _ and she could have Henrik. But if that were true, why was the pit at the bottom of her stomach growing? 

“Let’s get started.” El turned and walked briskly toward the door, letting Blake follow at her own pace. 

Once they were outside, El stopped and turned to Blake. “I assume you know how to properly fall.” 

“Fall? I’m not going to fall.” Blake rolled her eyes, and El bit back a smile. 

“Trust me, everyone falls. This isn’t like skiing, Ms.  _ Caldwell _ .” 

“Well, I’m not everyone.” 

El shrugged. She was going to enjoy this. She wondered how long it would be before Blake gave up and decided to get back on skis. El would take that as a personal failure if it happened. As far as she knew, no one she’d taught had ever switched to skis, unless they were skiers beforehand. And even then, they still strapped on snowboards from time to time after El’s lessons. 

She could see the frustration growing with every practice run, holding Blake’s hands and running backwards to keep up. “Trust me, you’re going to be on your own in no time.” El called to her, finally getting to the point where she could let go and run alongside Blake. Of course, she face planted a few times (which El tried not to be too satisfied by) but she was actually learning quickly. 

“I can tell you’ve skied a long time.” El told her breathlessly. “You have to slow down. I can’t keep up.” 

“What?” Blake yelled, turning and skidding down the slope faster. El rolled her eyes, and facepalmed when Blake caught an edge and fell backwards. “Shit!” 

“I warned you!” El shouted. “If you’re going to learn you  _ have  _ to listen to me!” She kneaded her temples in frustration as she caught up to Blake and helped her up. “Look, I know we’ve not always got on.” 

“Understatement of the century, babe.” 

“Blake, you’re not helping me out here at all. I’m trying to help you.” El sighed, shaking her head. “Whatever beef you have with me, you’d better just put it aside if you really want to learn from me. And, let me remind you that you  _ paid  _ for this.” 

Blake narrowed her eyes for a moment before her expression softened just slightly. 

“Fine.” She nodded. “I’ll be good.” 

About an hour of skidding and falling down the hill passed before El finally took Blake onto a lift. She was progressing well, and it was bringing El great satisfaction, regardless of her personal feelings for the woman. It wasn’t until the third run (when Blake was really becoming comfortable on her own) that she started talking to El. 

“You want to know what my beef is with you?” Blake suddenly asked. El sighed. 

“No, not really.” El had a feeling she already knew. It was some weird power struggle over Henrik. As long as she’d known Henrik, she’d also known Blake. And, she’d known that Blake had this huge, unrequited crush on Henrik. At least, unrequited until recently. “I have a feeling you’re going to tell me anyway.” El slumped in the lift chair.

“Henrik is an amazing person. I thought I was finally going to get my chance with him, but he’s all sad about something and I just know it’s because of you. Why would you hurt someone with such a pure soul?” 

El straightened up and turned to Blake. “Wait, what?” She shook her head, laughing sardonically. “You think I was the one who decided to--oh my god, Blake.” She sighed softly. “Look, if you want to get Henrik, you’re not going to impress him by learning to snowboard or by doing anything extra to get his attention. You can’t just make him want you.” 

“So why does he want you?” Blake huffed, and El shot her an incredulous look. 

“He doesn’t.” El shrugged. “He did, and then he didn’t. It’s--it was--” El looked away, biting the inside of her cheek to fight back the lump in her throat. “Look, I don’t want to talk about it.” El shook her head, trying to clear away the tears, but it wasn’t working this time. “Jesus Christ, Blake. I wanted to keep this professional.” 

“Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” 

“Just don’t.” El choked out. “I really don’t want to talk about it. Just--he’s not the only one hurting.” She turned her eyes upward. She still had a little time. “Look, I’ll finish your lesson, but I really don’t appreciate you bringing this up with me.” 

“He doesn’t want me, either.” Blake blurted out, and El sighed. 

“You’re not going to change his mind, Blake.” El told her firmly. “Once he’s made it up, it’s over. If he changes it, he’ll come to you, but you can’t do anything about it.” 

“That’s easy for you to say.” Blake huffed, and El groaned in frustration. 

“I’ll get Gary to finish your lesson. I asked you respectfully not to talk about this anymore.” 

“No, I’m done.” Blake sighed, shaking her head. “I’m sorry, El.” 

“You have one hour.”

Bobby caught up to El and Blake once the lesson was drawing closer to the end. “Mind if I join you?” He asked, and El breathed a happy sigh of relief. 

“We would love it!” To say the last forty five minutes had been tense would have been an understatement. She could tell that Blake wanted to bring Henrik up again, but every time she went to open her mouth, El silenced her with a glare. So she was grateful for chatting with Bobby idly on the lift and making loose dinner plans, if she was free. 

Her phone rang once she reached the top of the run with Bobby and Blake, and even though they were all about to rock down, she paused to answer it, her heart in her throat at the fear it was about Henrik, especially when it was Lucas’ name flashing across her screen. 

“Bones, you have to get to the hospital now.” Lucas’ voice sounded urgent, and she shook her head in disbelief. 

“What happened?” 

“It’s Henrik. He got caught in an avalanche.”

“Oh, god. Lucas, no.” She was still shaking her head, and Bobby watched her with a perked eyebrow. 

“Yes, El. It’s bad. You need to get here, now.” 

“Okay. Okay. I’m coming, Lucas, okay? Tell him I’m coming.” She clicked off of the line and shoved her phone back in her pocket, pulling on her gloves with shaking hands. “I’ve got--I’ve got to go. The hospital. Henrik.” Her eyes were huge, and Bobby just nodded, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder comfortingly. Blake’s eyes were wide, and El could tell she was struggling not to say anything. She lost the battle. 

“Shouldn’t I go with you?” She asked, and El shook her head, her eyes narrowed. 

“You will do just fine on your own now,” El said tersely, before looking at Bobby.

“Go. He needs you.” Bobby told her, with a wink that said he would look after Blake for her. She took a deep breath before heading down the mountain. Her heart pounded in her chest, and she felt like at any moment, she would dissolve into liquid and disappear into the snow. She had never felt so helpless in her entire life, and she was so scared that the worst truly had happened. 

Henrik couldn’t die. He was invincible. They’d been through so much together, and she never imagined his time with her could be finite. Even more, she knew suddenly more than ever she didn’t want it to be. She carved the mountain faster than she ever had in her entire life, panting as she lost her board and sprinted clumsily to her car. Running in snowboard boots was nearly impossible, it felt like running in moon boots without the bounce. She tossed her board in the back without even bothering to dry the snow off of it.

Taking her boots off seemed to take hours when it probably only took a minute. Impatiently, she tossed herself into the driver’s seat and threw the boots on the passenger seat, fumbling with the ignition. 

Lucas had sent a text with the hospital name, and she sped along the blessed clear roads. Her knuckles turned white as she gripped the steering wheel. She had to get there. She had to see him, because suddenly, it was all so clear to her. She  _ was  _ in love with him. As beautiful and lovely as Bobby was, he just wasn’t Henrik. All the time she’d spent telling herself that she didn’t have feelings for the Swede were a lie, and her entire body ached with the need to tell him immediately. 

Especially if he was on his deathbed. 

“Oh, God,” She breathed, squeezing the steering wheel even tighter. “No, no, no.” She moaned softly, trying and failing to keep tears from rolling down her cheeks.

She couldn’t believe it took a catastrophe to make her feelings completely clear. Maybe it wasn’t that she couldn’t feel anything for anyone but that she was too scared to admit it. And maybe her talks with Marisol had really helped her open up her eyes. All that wishing hadn’t been necessary, after all. 

She checked her GPS. Five minutes. Five minutes that felt like an eternity. Five minutes that felt like the difference between life and death. Five minutes that she wished she’d taken to reassess her feelings long ago. She had wasted too much time feeling sad and being hurt over this, and she realized she had no way of knowing if he felt the same. 

Lucas called her again. 

“Are you almost here?” He asked. 

“Yeah, two minutes away.” She told him breathlessly. “Is he okay?” 

“He’s not awake yet, but he’s stable. It is bad, though, El. I’m just warning you.” 

“How bad?” She asked as she practically flew her car into an empty spot. 

“He’s lucky to be alive.” 

_ Just like I was. _

El couldn’t help but wonder if he would feel lucky, or if he would come to resent it just like she had. He was ever an optimist, there was no way he’d be upset to be alive. There was no loved one for him to feel survivor’s guilt over. But if he died, she’d be left to carry that burden all over again. 

“El?” Lucas’ voice punctured her thoughts. 

“I’m coming. What room is he?” 

“229. I’ll meet you in the lobby.” 

“Okay. Okay.” She hung up and shut off her car, taking a moment to breathe before getting out. She didn’t bother looking for her shoes, instead sprinting to the building wearing only her snowboard socks. She didn’t notice the rough, icy pavement below her feet, all she could think of was getting to Henrik. 

Lucas waited for her by the front desk, and she fell into his arms. 

“Let’s go.” He told her, and she let him take her hand. “I thought you’d bring Bobby.” 

“Don’t make me talk about this right now.” 

“Where are your shoes?” 

“Oh, you’re just as bad as Henrik,” She said it without thinking, but when it registered, she choked back sobs, pausing in the hallway and shoving her fist against her mouth. 

Lucas stopped, pulling her into his arms. “It’s alright, it’s all going to be alright. They told me that if he hadn’t had the avalanche airbag, he would have been toast.” 

That made her cry harder. She clung to Lucas’ coat, trying desperately to compose herself. “I made him take that. I had a bad feeling, I didn’t think he should go.” She pulled back, drawing deep shuddering breaths as she wiped her eyes.

“Maybe you actually checked the avalanche conditions.” Lucas suggested, and she blinked at him, realizing that she had. It was a habit for her to get up and check them to stay ahead of any potential disasters on the mountain. She shook her head to clear the thought and turned down the hall. 

“Come on.” 

Lucas nodded and picked up her hand again, leading her the rest of the way to Henrik’s room. They paused outside. “Look, I know things have been really chaotic for you both lately. I’ve seen that. Henrik--he really cares about you, El.” 

“I care about him, too, Lucas.” She brushed tears off of her cheek, sniffling softly. 

“I don’t know everything that’s going on between you two, but I know that he’s not had an easy time with it.” 

“Lucas, I’m in love with him.” She blurted out before she could stop herself. She covered her mouth, her eyes wide, as though it were news to her, as well. 

“You’d better tell him before you leave this place, then.” Lucas told her with a small, strained smile, before pushing her toward Henrik’s room. She braced herself, taking a cleansing breath before pushing the door open. She shrunk against the wall as she caught sight of all the tubes and wires leading to and away from Henrik. His legs were wrapped in bandages and hung up by slings, and it looked like every movie scene where someone had a brush with death. 

One of his hands was bare, and she pulled up a chair to sit beside him, taking that hand in hers. His face was black and blue and covered in scrapes. She pressed her forehead to the back of his hand, trying to hold back her tears. 

“Oh, god, Henrik, you scared me half to death.” She whispered, knowing he probably wouldn’t wake up yet. He seemed heavily sedated, and for good reason. At least two broken legs, maybe a broken wrist, who knows what else. Surely lacerated organs. It looked painful. 

She sat back up, reaching up to gently stroke his face. Her heart pounded painfully somewhere in her chest, and her stomach just hurt. “I wish you’d wake up so I could tell you how stupid you are.” She murmured, tracing the lines of a long scratch on his beautiful face. 

“Do you remember when I broke my leg? Do you remember helping me walk to the bathroom? All the tears I cried? All the years you helped me along and I was too stupid to realize I’ve been falling for you this whole time? 

“Do you know that you can’t die, Henrik? If you leave me alone here I’m going to lose it. You’re going to recover, and I’m never going to make fun of the way you hit boxes and rails again. I would do anything to have you back.” The tears made trails down her cheeks despite her best efforts, and she went back to holding his hand with both of hers. 

“I love you, you fucking idiot.” She mumbled. She sighed softly. She imagined him opening his eyes at that exact moment, fixing her with a crooked smile and returning her affections. Instead, his eyes stayed closed, and she sighed softly, holding on to his hand as though it were her last chance life preserver. 

“You never left my side when I was in the hospital, and I’m gonna do the same for you. I’m going to be here when you wake up, I promise.” She could have sworn she saw his eyelids move, but he stayed asleep. 

“He broke three ribs, both of his legs, and a bone in his wrist. He’s got a lot of lacerations, and he’s lucky to be alive.” A doctor told her later. They’d taken him for another surgery, and she stayed behind in the room he would soon be coming back to. “You’re welcome to stay here.” He told her, and she nodded, settling in for the night. 

Her phone rang, and she saw Bobby’s name flash across the screen. She hesitated for a moment before answering it. 

“Hey, Bobby.” Her voice was soft. 

“Hey, El. How is he?” 

“Not good.” her voice threatened to break. “I’m staying here. I know you have to leave tomorrow but--” 

“Henrik is more important, El.” He told her. “Can I stop by? I’ll be quick.” 

“Sure.” She gave him the information, and a half an hour later, he was calling her from the hallway. She pressed a kiss to the back of Henrik’s hand before meeting Bobby in the hallway. He folded her into his arms, rubbing her back soothingly. 

“It’ll be okay, El.” He told her, and she fought back tears once again. 

“I hope so.” She sniffled. “Look, I--I get that this might not be the best timing, but we should talk about us.” She told him. He let her pull away, and sat down on one of the hallway benches. 

“Go ahead.” He told her with a small, encouraging smile. 

“I just--Oh, I’ll come right out with it. I don’t think it’ll work between us. At least, not now. Maybe in another lifetime? I don’t know, I don’t know. Right now, I have so much to figure out.” 

Even though Bobby had been expecting it, had been waiting for the second shoe to drop, it still crushed him. He did his best not to let on, but from the flash of guilt in her eyes, he knew she’d picked up on it. 

“You’re wonderful, I need you to know that, and I need you to know that it isn’t your fault at all.” She sighed softly, frowning. “This isn’t easy to do at all.” She groaned. “Especially when my best friend is lying on a hospital bed, and you’re leaving for home.” 

“I’m gonna be fine, El.” He lied, throwing an arm around her and squeezing. “I’m not going to hold this against you, and I hope we’ll be friends again someday.” At least that part wasn’t a lie. He was definitely going to need time to get over her, he realized. There weren’t many El’s in the world, and she’d left a mark.

“This was a complete whirlwind, and I am sorry for dragging you into my mess. But I would really like to be friends someday, when things are more comfortable.” She hugged him, squeezing him tightly against her. “And you know I’ll see you again very soon. But--I can’t ignore my feelings.” She admitted softly. “God, I’m so sorry. I--I--” 

“I can’t lie and tell you it doesn’t hurt, El, but I do understand.” He sighed softly, running his hand down her back. “Do I wish none of this was happening? Obviously. I hate to see you in even an ounce of pain, but I know that this is more important. We can be friends again someday.” 

Her voice broke. “Thank you, Bobby.” She pulled away and hastily brushed tears off of her cheeks. “I just feel so stupid and so horrible for leading you on.” 

“You didn’t.” He brushed her hair off of her face gently, planting a gentle kiss on her cheek. “So don’t worry about me. I’ll sort myself out, and so will you.” He smiled weakly. “Follow your heart, El.” 

“I’m going to go back to him.” 

“You take care of him.” 

“I will.” She nodded. “It’ll be like coming full circle.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not going to lie, El and Henrik are driving me ABSOLUTELY BONKERS UGH  
> why are they LIKE THIS!!! stubborn fools. smh


	8. Daydream (blue)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a short one, but uhhh 7 was 10 pages long and this is my most iconic smut scene to date. i'm so excited to finally unleash it upon the world. :*

She couldn’t remember falling asleep, she only knew that the room had gone dark, and she’d tried to keep her eyes open for as long as she could. She fell asleep with her head in her hands, leaning forward in the barely comfortable chair she’d been camping out in. Her head dropped until her forehead rested against the hospital bed. It was a double room with an empty bed that was hers if she wanted it, but she needed to be by his side. 

She woke up with a start when she heard his voice. 

“Where am I?” 

She shot up in her seat, grabbing Henrik’s hand and squeezing before answering. “You’re in the hospital, Henny.” She told him. She could just make out his face in the glow of the machines surrounding him. 

“El?” He turned his head carefully, wincing. “What happened?” 

“You got caught in an avalanche, broke quite a few bones, and scared the hell out of me, dammit.” 

“Sorry, El.” He mumbled, his eyes half shut. She laughed nervously. 

“Don’t be sorry. I’m sorry.” She leaned forward to kiss his forehead. Even though he was drugged up, the confusion in his eyes was still clear. “We’ll talk soon, okay? I’m just so glad you’re okay. And I’m not leaving your side.” She brushed away tears of relief, sighing softly. 

Henrik’s brow furrowed, but he nodded slightly. 

“Er, except, I’m going to get the doctors and let them know you’re awake.” She told him, pressing another kiss to his forehead before leaving the room. 

\-- 

The next few days were a blur of different people coming in and out of Henrik’s room, friends, family, doctors, and otherwise. El’s place at the side of his bed was secure, but she relinquished it for his closer family and friends when they showed up. Henrik was sitting up, talking animatedly with his one good hand, as though nothing had happened. It seemed to take another week (though it really couldn’t have been more than a few days) for the room to clear, and for her to finally have a moment alone with Henrik. 

She sat at his bedside with his hand in hers, shivering slightly as she watched his face for any change in expression. 

“I don’t know how to say this.” She told him. 

“Maybe don’t.” He returned, and she shook her head, taking a deep breath. 

“No, I need to. If I don’t do it now, I’ll never do it.” She played with his fingers absently, before meeting his eyes. “I--I’ll just come right out and say it. I’m in love with you, Henrik.” She told him, and his eyes widened. 

“The doctor said no shocks, El.” He protested, and she pulled away, frowning. “I had no idea you felt that way.” He opened his hand to her, and she hesitantly took it again. 

“Neither did I.” She bowed her head, and her heart thumped against her chest as all the blood seemed to drain from her body. He closed his eyes, and she could already feel the tears of rejection pricking at the back of her eyelids. “You don’t have to say anything, I know, I’ve left it too late, and it took me almost losing you to realize that I can’t live without you.” She dropped his hand and covered her face. 

“Freya.” His voice was quiet but firm. “Look at me.” 

She uncovered her eyes, managing to breathe as she met his eyes. Her heart threatened to stop completely, and she held the arms of the chair to steady herself. 

“Is this real?” He asked, his brow furrowed. “Or am I dreaming?” 

It was suddenly clear to her that Henrik was just as fragile as she was. That he had been on this rollercoaster with her this entire time, and if she didn’t mean what she’d said, she had better turn around and walk right out the door before she hurt him again. It was even clearer to her exactly how she felt about him, and though it scared her more than anything had scared her in her entire life, she wasn’t going to leave this time. 

“Yes, this is real.” She reached over to brush a piece of hair out of his face. “And I meant what I said.” 

“I’ve loved you for so long, Freya.” He told her softly. “But I--you couldn’t have felt the same way.” 

“I thought so too. But, you never pushed the issue, you never put pressure on me to figure it out. What we had together was  _ simple. _ I didn’t have to worry about losing you if I didn’t examine my feelings. You know me better than I know myself.” She teased him, and he wrinkled his nose at her, but he was smiling. “So what the hell even happened? You never go off piste.” 

“The others went down first, and I guess they must have triggered it. Luckily, they were at the bottom and out of the way by the time I was caught up in it. If I hadn’t borrowed your backpack--” 

“Oh, Henrik, I know.” She covered her face again, and he tutted. 

“Don’t cry.” His voice was small, and when she dared to look at his face, he was struggling with tears, too. “I was kinda scared.” 

“Kind of?” El threw her hands up. At least her tears had dissolved. “You’re a menace. You shouldn’t have left the park with those idiots.” She huffed, shaking her head. He laughed softly, patting the bed. 

“Why don’t you get in with me? There’s room.” 

“Henrik.” She fixed him with another stern look. 

“Just be careful. My bones are clearly made of glass.” He pouted at her. “Doctor’s orders, Freya. I need the cuddles of a beautiful woman to speed up my recovery.” 

“Oh my god.” She laughed, rolling her eyes at him. She crawled carefully into the bed beside him anyway, her back pressed against the safety railing, her belly snug against his side. 

“I won’t break.” He encouraged her, and she gingerly rested her head on his chest. “Ah, that’s the stuff.” He sighed happily. “And yes, I remember helping you to the bathroom when you broke your legs. You broke both of them, too, remember?” 

“Wait, were you--” 

“Yes, I heard you loud and clear.” He widened his eyes at her when she lifted her head to fix him with a glare. “What? I tried to open my eyes but I couldn’t. It’s not my fault the drugs were too strong.” 

“How embarrassing.” She mumbled into his chest.

“No, you’re right, I am a fucking idiot.” He chuckled softly, and she huffed softly. 

“You knew how I felt and let me say it all over again anyway.” She pouted up at him, and he smiled. 

“I had to make sure you really meant it. What would I do then?” 

“You could always get with Blake.” She scowled, and he shook his head ‘no’ emphatically. 

“She doesn’t even make it halfway up the wall at the climbing center. How embarrassing for her.” 

“You’re so annoying.” El laughed. “But I like you that way.” 

“Do you want to know the last thing I remember?” He asked softly, and she nodded. “All I could think was how thankful I was for you giving me that backpack. That I might have a chance and it was because of you.” 

“Oh.” She breathed out, burying her face in his chest again. “You’re going to make me cry, you know.” She mumbled. 

“You deserved better from me.” He told her simply. 

“But so did you. From me.” She sighed heavily. “I should have gone for help sooner, you know? Instead of wondering why this whole thing wasn’t getting easier. It was. Everything I did with you kept me moving forward, and gave me things to be excited about.” 

“So you talked to Salsa?” She could hear the grin in his voice.

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t make a big deal of it.” She carefully wrapped her arm around him, trying to press as close as she could without hurting him. “Maybe you should get some rest.” 

“I’d rather talk to you. Make up for lost time, you know?” He ran his good hand up her back gently. 

“Oh, what do you want to talk about?” She sat up slightly. He tilted his head slightly, biting his lip. 

“Actually.” He cupped her hip in his good hand, and she recognized the gleam in his eye. 

“Henrik!” She clutched her chest, completely scandalized. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” She couldn’t help it that she was contemplating it all the same.

“Just because my ribs are broken doesn’t mean Ragnar is broken, too.” He winked, and she chewed on her bottom lip in thought. 

“You’re completely ridiculous.” She flattened her hand on his chest, shaking her head. But she was smiling. “I haven’t had a shower in weeks.” Maybe she was definitely exaggerating a little bit. 

“Ooh, so you’re seasoned.” He waggled his eyebrows. “Why don’t you come and have a seat?” He pointed at his face. 

“Henrik.” El tried desperately not to laugh. He took on a serious expression. 

“I wasn’t asking.” 

“Henrik!” She shook her head at him. 

“I think the door locks. C’mon, Freya.” 

“You can call me El!” She tried to deflect, and he shook his head. 

“No, I’ve always liked Freya better. Sounds more Scandinavian.” He pouted. “I just want to show you how you make me feel.” 

“Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean--” She pressed her lips together, gesturing at his body. 

“I think it’s just what the doctor ordered, babe.” He winked at her again, and she rolled her eyes but got up anyway. She found out that the door did indeed lock, which was a surprise to her. She drew the curtains around the bed before shyly slipping off her bottoms. “Bring all of that over here.” He grinned, and she carefully got back up on the bed, straddling his face. “So perfect.” He murmured before diving in. 

She gripped the safety railing and vaguely considered installing some in her own room. Maybe in the guest room, and just for situations like this. Henrik carefully moved his hand between her legs, teasing at her entrance with his fingers while he continued to work her clit with the tip of his tongue. 

“Oh my god.” She moaned, her hips rocking against his face. He carefully pushed his fingers inside of her, and she covered her mouth to try and keep her moans and cries quiet. Her other hand gripped the railing even tighter, until she felt herself coming undone and clenching around his fingers. “Oh, fuck, Henrik.” She moaned into the palm of her hand. 

She flung herself off of the bed to catch her breath, kneeling beside it and clinging to the railing. Henrik grinned at her, and she bit her lip. 

“Hop back on, babe.” He nodded at her, and her eyes widened. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Didn’t I tell you that Ragnar still works?” His eyes were gleaming, and she worried her lip between her teeth, before relenting and pulling his covers back. 

“I don’t have any protection, Henrik.” She warned him, and he shrugged. 

“We can worry about it later.” 

“Oh my god.” She hesitated, mulling it over in her head. “Ok, but you had better be clean.” 

He nodded, and she carefully straddled him, positioning herself over him. “Be gentle, it’s my first time.” He teased her, and she shook her head at him, but hilted him anyway. He gasped softly, his eyes fluttering shut briefly. “Holy fuck.” He murmured reverently, as she gently rocked her hips against him. 

“Come closer.” He whispered, and she leaned down, brushing her lips against his. 

“What do you want?” She breathed, and he strained his neck to try and kiss her again. “Oh, wish granted.” She closed the gap, and lost herself in the feeling of his soft lips against hers, and the way he felt inside of her. She moaned against his lips, and he thrust his hips up into her. 

“Oh, ow, ow,” Henrik muttered suddenly, but El didn’t stop her motions, thinking he was messing with her. “You need to get off of me.” He told her in a strained voice, and she practically flew off of him. “Shit.” He drew in labored breaths, grimacing. 

“Are you alright? What is it?” She asked, hurriedly pulling her bottoms back on in case she needed to run for a doctor. 

“My ribs. It’s alright, I think I’m fine, now.” He relaxed slightly, before fixing her with a hungry look. 

“Henrik, absolutely not.” 

“Please?” He pouted at her.

“Maybe you should just have the doctors remove your ribs so you can do it yourself.” She told him with a shrug. He shook his head, but he was smiling. “I mean, they’re broken anyway, what good are they really doing you other than standing in the way of your dreams?” She put her hands on her hips, cocking one to the side. He laughed, shaking his head. 

“My dream isn’t to suck my own dick, Freya.” He told her, and she shrugged. 

“I guess you’re right, because then what would you need me for?” She teased him, and he sighed. 

“Hey.” He reached out for her. “You know you don’t have to.” He told her, and she glanced down, realizing that he was still, somehow, hard. 

“Okay, just stop me if I’m hurting you.” She grabbed a hair tie and pulled her hair back. 

“You really don’t--ohh.” Henrik sighed. “Ohh, that’s good.” He moaned softly, letting his head fall back against the pillow. 

She pushed him over the edge, and as he found his release, he groaned in pain. She swallowed abruptly and looked at him in concern. 

“Are you alright?” She asked. 

“Maybe you should grab the doctor.” He told her, and she straightened him back up, shaking her head at him. 

“Told you this was a bad idea, you idiot.” She smiled and kissed his cheek tenderly before running off to find a nurse or a doctor. 

It turned out that he’d managed to break another rib in their passion, and she rolled her eyes at him once the doctor had left the room. After telling them, of course, not to have sex again for a few weeks. 

“Do you ever think about consequences, Henrik?” She teased him, perched again in the chair next to his bed. 

“Sometimes.” He shrugged. “Hey, by the way, what happened with Bobby?” He asked suddenly, and she stiffened slightly. 

“He went home a few days ago. I--I told him it wouldn’t work between us.” She watched his face, but it was expressionless. Not even a hint of a smile. 

“Bummer.” 

“What?” El straightened, tilting her head at him. “Bummer for who?” 

“Him.” Henrik smiled. “ _ Maybe _ you.” 

“Did they give you more drugs?” 

“No, I’m high on life.” 

“And probably drugs.” 

“Drugs called life, Freya, babe.” He extended his arm. “Come here, give me a kiss.” 

“Henrik.” She shook her head at him but relented and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek. 

“That’s it?” He pouted at her, and she shook her head. 

“What, are you trying to break another rib?” She asked, rolling her eyes. “You should get some rest, you fool.” She kissed him on the lips this time, brushing his hair off of his forehead. 

“Okay, fine, but only if you get back in bed with me.” He tried to scoot over a bit, and she laughed softly. She very carefully crawled in next to him, moving his arm down by his side so it wouldn’t fall asleep. She rested her head by his shoulder, snaking her arm around him delicately. 

“Are you feeling alright?” She asked softly. 

“I feel great.” He yawned. “Hey, Freya?”

“Yes, Henrik?” 

“Sorry I’m so stupid.” He mumbled, and it was obvious that he was falling asleep. 

“You should be, you goofball.” She planted a kiss on his temple. “Now go to sleep.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all I have to say is...
> 
> s e a s o n e d


	9. Snowbirds (black diamond)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Cool!” Henrik grinned. “Then you’re going back to work tomorrow.” He squeezed her waist. “Besides, I heard tomorrow’s gonna be a powder day.”  
> Her eyes lit up, and even if she tried to hide her excitement, it’d be impossible.  
> “We’re getting first chair tomorrow.” Lucas told her.  
> “There’s no friends on a powder day.” She retorted. “But be there at 5am. I’ll bring breakfast.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please be advised that i describe a panic attack slightly, and that there is a fight and mild violence in this chapter. i don't think it's very harsh, but i don't want anyone coming upon it accidentally and ruining their entire day. <3
> 
> in which i continue to make things up and stretch the truth for my own devices. if you find that something is not accurate, i implore you to take a deep breath and remind yourself that this is a work of fiction and we're all pretending. if you cannot do that i will advise further that you should not read my fics. okay thanks for reading <3

It wasn’t long before she carted him home, dumping him carefully on his couch. “Are you hungry?” She asked, and he tilted his head. 

“I could really go for some lutefisk.” He teased her, and she wrinkled her nose at him. 

“ _Seriously_?” She narrowed her eyes at him. 

“No.” He laughed softly, and she rummaged around in the kitchen. After a while, she brought him a simple, yet tasty pasta dish. “Oh, are you going to feed me?” He asked, and she rolled her eyes as she pushed a tv tray up to him. 

“I think you’ve got this.” She squeezed his thigh, before heading back to the kitchen to fix herself a plate. They ate quietly, and once he finished, he turned to her. 

“So, we should talk.” 

“Yeah.” She took their plates to the sink. She settled back in beside him, her legs tucked underneath her. 

“You said some pretty big words in the hospital.” Henrik teased her, and she blew a raspberry. 

“So did you.” 

“Did you mean it?” 

“Of course I did.” She sank into the couch, hugging herself. “Don’t tell me you were joking around with me the whole time.” She stiffened, and he shook his head. 

“No. I meant it, too. But, what are we going to do? You’re moving back home, and if I stay here, it’ll be hard for us to see each other.” 

“I figured I’d just fall in love with you and then leave so I can get over it easier.” She shrugged nonchalantly, and he stared blankly at her. “I’m fucking with you. I don’t know, what do we do next?” She pulled a throw blanket to her chin, shivering violently. 

“Come over here.” He pouted at her. “You’re so far away.” 

She scooted closer to him, sharing the blanket with him as he put an arm around her. 

“Maybe I’ve got a couple crazy ideas.” Henrik told her, leaning in conspiratorially. 

“I knew I could count on you.” 

“I could move to Scotland with you.” 

“Are you sure?” El cocked her head at him. “I mean, we would be less than fifteen minutes from a major airport. But, is that really what you want?” 

“Hold on, what about my second idea?” He carefully lifted his hand to run his fingers through her hair, and she waited. “Okay, now this one is really crazy, and probably pretty stupid, but what if we got married?” 

“Henrik, it’s not a citizenship issue.” El ducked her head, sighing softly. “It’s my father. He’s--” She took a deep breath, trying to keep her composure. “Well, he’s not doing well. And I need to be home by spring.” 

“But, permanently?” 

“I guess I can come back, but I have no way of knowing how long I’ll actually need to stay.” She sighed heavily. “I hate to say this, but it’s complicated.” Henrik squeezed her shoulder, trying to offer as much comfort as he could. 

“I’ll come with you.” He told her, decisively. “We can rent our places out to Lucas, maybe Salsa.” He told her. “You don’t have to go through this alone.” 

“What? Are you sure?” She sat back to scan his face, but he was smiling. “Won’t you get bored?” 

“Oh, I’m sure there’s plenty for me to do. Besides, you’ll be there. How bored could I really get?” He batted his eyelashes at her, and she laughed. 

“Yes, that’s all well and good, but, Henrik?” She leaned closer, putting on her best pouty, sultry look. She couldn’t hold the expression and ended up laughing instead. “What are we?” 

“Well, Freya, I think we are humans.” He teased her, and she rolled her eyes. 

“You can sleep out here.” She pulled the blanket over his head, and he laughed, pretending to get tangled in it. Once he popped his head back out, he saw her eyes twinkling. “I was only kidding, let’s just wait on that conversation.” 

“Just so you know, I _am_ going to ask you.” Henrik reached for her, and she took his hand, chewing on the inside of her cheek. “But that’s not until I can do it properly.” 

“We have a lot to figure out…” She trailed off. 

“Jeez, Freya, live in the moment for once!” He grinned, interrupting her, and she laughed softly, shaking her head at him and tutting. “I’m moving to Scotland!” He exclaimed. “I’m gonna be so drunk all the time I’ll forget my name!” 

“I’m so glad you’re excited.” She couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of her voice even though she tried, and he perked a brow at her. 

“What are you upset about?” He asked, winding his fingers through her hair, making sure she stayed close to him. 

“I’m happy, you know?” She bit her lip. “But I’m--I’m worried. Waiting for the other shoe to drop, maybe.” 

“I’m not going anywhere without a fight.” He traced his fingers along her cheek, his eyelids lowering slowly. She drew away, recognizing the look in his eyes immediately. 

“Henrik.”

“Freya.” He hooked his fingers under her jaw, keeping her in place. 

“We are not having sex.” She told him firmly, but her eyes were sparkling. 

“Aw, but I want to break more ribs.” He joked. She hopped off of the couch, wagging her finger at him. 

“I am not getting yelled at by a doctor again!” She laughed. 

“We should celebrate, though!” He pouted. 

“What are we celebrating?” She tilted her head at him. 

“Just us, being together, and you, waiting on me hand and foot.” His eyes twinkled and she smacked his shoulder lightly. 

“What gives you the impression that I’m doing that?” She frowned at him. 

“I’m just joking with you!” He laughed softly, and she ran off to the kitchen, coming back with a bottle of champagne and two glasses. “Since when do I have champagne?” He asked, and she shrugged. 

“I may have snuck it in when you weren’t looking.” She popped the cork effortlessly, letting the foam spill out and onto the floor, much to Henrik’s chagrin. 

“Freya!” He exclaimed, but she ignored him to pour their drinks. She handed him a glass, and his expression softened as he thought of a toast. “To the future!” 

“To you not breaking any more damn bones!” They clinked glasses and drank. 

“Bones heal, Bonesy.” He winked at her. “You know this.” 

“Yes, but they always remember the pain.” She sighed, and took his hand in hers once he set his glass down. “Ugh, sorry, Hen, I’m just really tired.” 

“Then rest! I’ll be fine.” He smiled charmingly, and she felt a pang in her chest as her heart melted. 

“What if you need me?” She asked, and he shrugged. 

“Take me to bed. I’m tired, too.” 

She smiled and helped him to bed, and just as soon as she had him arranged comfortably, she heard a knock on the door. “Are you expecting someone?” She asked, frowning. He shook his head ‘no’. She shrugged and padded off to answer the door. 

Blake stood in the doorway, and tried to push past El as soon as she cracked the door open. “I need to see him.” She stated, and El braced herself in the doorway. 

“Why should I let you in?” She asked. “Was Henrik expecting you?” 

“Yeah, I talked to him earlier.” 

El smiled sweetly, shaking her head slowly. “Weird. He told me he wasn’t expecting anyone.” She stepped back, motioning toward the couch. “Why don’t you wait here? I’ll make sure he’s up for a visit.” 

Blake sat on the couch petulantly, her arms folded across her chest. El tiptoed back into Henrik’s room, sitting on the edge of his bed. 

“So?” 

“Yeah, Blake’s here.” El frowned deeply. “I don’t think she’ll leave without at least talking to you. What do you think?” 

Henrik shut his eyes and sighed in exasperation. “If I must.” 

“She says she talked to you. My, you’ve been a busy boy.” She winked, and Henrik gave her a serious look.

“Babe, I only have eyes for you.” He reached for her, and she fell gently into his grip. “Whatever happened in the past is the past.” 

“Oh, no, Henrik. Don’t tell me you slept with her.” She shook her head. 

“Freya, I’m sorry.” 

“Me too. You’ll never be rid of her. I’m afraid you suffer from what professionals call ‘Devil Dick.’” 

“What?” 

“Yeah, once is enough to hook a girl for life.” She leaned in, and just before she could touch her lips to his, Blake cleared her throat from the doorway. 

“Impatient much?” El teased, and Blake tossed her hair. 

“No, I was only making sure you didn’t forget I was here.” 

“I’m hurt that you would think I’m that selfish. I’ll leave you to it.” El met Henrik’s eyes, and he begged her silently to stay. She shrugged and blew him a kiss. “You’re on your own, babe.” She turned and walked out, shutting the door behind her but staying within earshot. 

“You said you loved me. It didn’t mean anything to you? That’s bullshit.” 

“I was out of my damn head, Blake. I explained that to you already. Do you seriously want to do this now? When I’m laid up in pain?” 

“I’ve been in pain since that morning! I can’t stop thinking about it.” 

“I told you, it meant nothing to me. I’m not trying to be an asshole, but--” 

“But what?” 

“Look, I’m going to make a go of it with El. I’m planning on asking her to--” 

“What?” Blake’s voice was shrill, and El came running back to the bedroom just in case. “What the fuck? All this time you were sitting on that? Leading me on just so you could get back with the walmart version of me?” 

“You should go.” He told her firmly, but she was already picking things up to throw at him. El planted herself in front of Blake, shielding Henrik protectively. 

“He told you to leave.” El repeated, and Blake shrieked. 

“I’m not leaving until he apologizes for what he’s done!” 

“God, Blake, don’t make me do this the hard way.” El begged, but Blake stood her ground. El sighed and took Blake by the elbows, attempting to move her. She planted her feet firmly, protesting the whole time. 

Henrik searched his bedside table, and found a bag of crisps and tossed them at her. 

“Did you seriously just throw _crisps_ at me?” She hissed, tossing them right back at him. 

“Oh my god!” El exclaimed. “Would you please just leave? I’m so tired.” She frowned, catching the back of Blake’s coat and tugging at her. “Don’t make me do this the hard way.” 

“I’m not leaving.” Blake growled, and El shook her head. 

“I’m giving you a chance. You’re not going to like how I force you to leave.” 

“Try it.” Blake puffed out her chest, trying to look tough even though she was a good five inches shorter than El. El tossed her head back and laughed at Blake uproariously. 

“If you want to square up, we’d better go outside. It wouldn’t do Henrik any good to witness us.” 

“No, he should see it. It’s his fault.” Blake retorted stubbornly, and El glanced over at Henrik. He was busy searching his nightstand for more things to throw, and she barely held back a laugh when she saw him grabbing a fistful of condoms. 

“He has absolutely nothing to apologize for.” El shook her head. “I understand you’re hurting, and that’s not on, but taking it out on us isn’t on either.” She took a moment to breathe. “You should leave. Go home. Take some time to think about this _rationally_ and come back when you’re ready to be calm.” 

Blake turned and picked up a lamp, and El just barely avoided being hit by it when she sent it flying by her head. El watched it smash into the wall calmly, and then watched a shower of condoms rain down upon Blake.

“What? It’s all I got!” Henrik exclaimed, and even though he sounded lighthearted and cool, El could detect the hint of stress and panic under those tones. El knew without looking that she’d need to calm him down and possibly call Lucas once she’d removed Blake. 

“You need to go _now._ ” 

Blake turned around and saw the fire in El’s eyes. Despite that, she stepped to El anyway. “ _Make_ me.” She challenged, and El smiled. 

“Gladly.” El threw Blake over her shoulder unceremoniously, and relished the shrieks of protest as the brunette pounded on her back with closed fists. “Oh, god, don’t stop, that feels amazing, babe!” She giggled, much to Blake’s increasing frustration. “I warned you about this.” 

A car with a bright “UBER” logo in the window stopped in front of the duplex, and El dropped Blake in the snow. “I called you a car. If you come back again, I _will_ make your life a living hell for it. You picked the wrong one, Blake.” She smiled sweetly as Blake scrambled to her feet, making a break for the door. El effortlessly caught her by the back of her coat, tugging her back to the ground. “Hope I see you on the slopes soon!” She smiled brightly. “And think twice about doing this again.” 

With that, she opened the car door and shoved Blake inside. 

“But I drove here-” 

“Funny, your car isn’t here.” El made a point of looking for it. “I mean it, Blake. Don’t you dare come back here. I understand why you’re upset, but you’re putting your problems on me. Please, I don’t want to have to go to extremes here.” 

Blake sat back in the car, her arms folded across her chest, clearly uncomfortable to be having this conversation in front of a stranger. The driver was totally tuned out, however, and El narrowed her eyes at Blake. 

“I need to know you won’t try this again. We can all talk when Henny’s healed up. I’m probably going to have to get Lucas here because he’s deeply upset by this. I’m asking you as a friend, even though I know you don’t like me.” 

“Fine. I’ll do it for Henrik’s best interest.” Blake huffed, before shaking her head slowly, a tinge of remorse in her eyes. “I’m really sorry. I just don’t know what came over me.” She sighed, bowing her head. 

“ _We_ can chat soon.” El squeezed her shoulder, although she was loathe to admit to it, she understood the brunette’s point of view. “I’m upset, too, but I’m not unreasonable.” 

“Thank you.” Blake’s voice was small. 

El nodded and practically sprinted back into the house. A bad feeling had settled into the pit of her stomach, and when she reached Henrik’s side, sweat shone on his forehead and he was breathing heavily. She kneeled by his bed, getting close to him without touching him. 

“Henrik, are you alright?” She leaned in a little bit. “Can I touch you?” 

“Yeah.” He tried to take deep breaths, but it was clearly still painful. She took his hand and smoothed his hair off of his damp forehead. 

“I’m here. Do you need me to call Lucas? I’m calling Lucas.” She squeezed his hand, and he shut his eyes, grimacing. 

“No, I’m fine.” He drew in the deepest breath he could muster through gritted teeth. 

“Babe, he’s not going to judge you.” She smiled reassuringly.

“This was just a lot.” His eyes stayed closed. “I don’t know, I’m just panicking, it’s _not_ physical.” 

“Okay.” El carefully climbed into bed with him. “Do you know what you need?” She asked softly, and he opened one eye before shaking his head slightly. “What do you feel?” She picked up his hand, kneeling at his side, resting her other hand on his stomach. 

“I couldn’t breathe. My heart was going a million miles an hour.” He opened his other eye, and she saw the slight confusion in his eyes. “I don’t remember much else. Just that you took Blake outside after that row.” 

“She’s not coming back.” El reassured him, tracing circles on his stomach. He sighed in relief, relaxing slightly. 

“That’s helping.” 

“Babe, I think you’re having a panic attack. Are you sure you don’t want me to have Lucas come and check on you?” She asked, but his breathing was slowing and he seemed to be recovering from the shock, bit by bit. 

“Let’s just invite him for brunch tomorrow. I don’t think I can handle any more excitement tonight.” 

“Oh!” El hopped off the bed. “Hold on.” She ran off to the kitchen and poured a giant glass of water and brought it to him. “Drink this.” She pushed it into his hands and he drank greedily, water droplets clinging to his face. 

“Wow, that helped a _lot._ ” He grinned at her and set the cup down. “Come here.” He held out his arms, and she cuddled up to him gingerly. 

“Good.” 

“Thank you, El.” He murmured as she rested her head on his chest. 

“Mmhm.” She mumbled, and he knew she was already falling asleep. He smiled to himself, even though he was also exhausted, he couldn’t shut off his mind. He regretted his tryst with Blake, but he was overwhelmed with how lucky he was to have El back in his arms. In a couple months’ time, they’d be shipping themselves to Scotland. He’d decided to spend a few weeks in Sweden first, since he hadn’t seen his family in years. 

He couldn’t wait to bring El by to meet everyone. He knew she’d fit right in, and his cousins would definitely be jealous. She was exactly what he’d always been searching for, and he would never be able to fully believe his fortune. 

She nestled deeper into him, her arm snaked around his waist as she snored quietly and drooled all over him. He hadn’t realized how much this ordeal had taken out of both of them. Then again, he’d run himself ragged waiting on her when she’d broken her legs. 

_He woke up with his head in her lap. She was reading a book quietly, reclined in her living room. “Why’d you let me sleep?” He asked, and she put the book down._

_“You were exhausted.” She smiled sweetly. “Look, you even left a lake in my lap.”_

_He shot up and ran for a towel, spewing apologies left and right as she laughed softly at his antics. She wore a faintly serious expression when he got back._

_“It won’t happen again.”_

_“Henrik, it’s alright.” She tried to smile, but it was weak. He sat beside her, and she sighed softly. “We both lost someone. You don’t need to wear yourself out taking care of me, alright?” She chided him. He was almost shocked at how calm and collected she was._

_“I want to help.” He protested, and she sighed softly._

_“You are helping. Just by being here. You should get some rest, too, though. You’re no good to me if you drop dead from exhaustion.” She leaned back, covering her face with the book. Sometimes, the tears came unbidden. She was, and would be processing the grief for a very long time. He offered his arms, and she leaned into him, letting him wrap her up. She sniffled before letting out a frustrated grunt._

_“God, I hate being sad.” She mumbled, burying her face in his chest. “I just feel like it should have been me. Or what if I’d been driving? Or what if we hadn’t competed? He’d still be here. It’s hard.”_

_“I can’t imagine.” Henrik unconsciously pulled her closer, resting his chin gently on the top of her head._

_“I hope you never have to.” She clung to his shirt, and from the way her shoulders shook against him, he knew she was trying to cry quietly. She wept softly, taking deep breaths to try and stop herself every so often. He just held her, his face buried in her hair._

_He felt himself nodding off, but lifted his head to try and combat it. “Since I’m up anyway, do you need anything?” He asked, and she took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She squirmed a bit before pulling back to look at him._

_“Er, I need the restroom.” She told him almost shyly. He helped her up. She had a borrowed wheelchair for longer distances, but when she was just in her home, she could use crutches. Or, her preferred method of letting Henrik take some of her weight to help her. She’d been told to put at least a little weight on her legs every day, but she was wincing._

_“I’ll get you a pill.” Henrik told her, and she sighed softly._

_“Ugh.” She wrinkled her nose._

_She was leaning over the sink, staring at herself in the mirror, when he brought her a glass of water and a painkiller. She took it from him hesitantly, gulping it down despite her distaste._

_“Take me to bed?” She asked, and he nodded, helping her into her bed. Once she was under the covers, she lifted them and patted the bed next to her. “Could you...could you just hold me?” She sounded far away, maybe nervous, but she patted the bed again. He nodded and quietly crawled into her bed, pulling her carefully against him._

_“I know it’s weird, but...thank you.” She murmured. “There’s no one else here who would do all of this for me and I just can’t be alone right now.”_

_“You deserve better.” Henrik whispered just before falling asleep._

_Between his shifts at the climbing center and the late winter and early spring excursions he led, he spent all of his free time looking after El. Some days, she was bright and energetic, but many others she was glum and small. He wished he could reach inside of her and pull all of the sadness out of her. He wished there was a way to heal her, but all he could do was offer support._

_Once the casts were off, he took her on short walks in the woods behind their duplex. He’d carry her if her legs started aching too much. She was getting strong again quickly, and he caught her staring at her snowboards, which hung on the wall above her couch, longingly. She’d run her fingers along the glossy finish, sighing softly before moving to the window._

_The first time they slept together was an accident. Henrik had dragged her out for dinner with some friends just to get her to socialize some. She went along and had a better time than she expected._

_He didn’t know what came over her. He knew she was frustrated and angry that some of her friends were pushing her to date and move on._

_“It’s only been eight months!”_

_“Nine months!”_

_“A year!”_

_“It’s not long enough, I’m not ready.”_

_She pulled Henrik into her room that night, her fingers entwined with his. He was frowning in confusion. Despite that, El pressed her lips against his, pushing him onto her bed._

_“El, what are you doing?” He asked, and she just kissed him again. He couldn’t help himself, he returned it. He pulled away. “Do you know what you’re doing?” He tried again, and she leaned in._

_“Yes, Henrik.” She murmured, before closing the gap again._

_‘Oh, god, I’m in trouble.’ He thought, but it was impossible to resist El. He’d always thought she was beautiful, but he’d tried to keep his distance because he respected her fiance. But now, they’d been thrown together with her revelation that she hadn’t really made many other close friends since moving to Colorado._

_“El.” He breathed, stroking her cheek with his thumb absently. “Are you sure?”_

_“Yes.” She pulled him back to her, her fingers fumbling with his jeans. He pulled her hands away, instead leaning back to tug her dress up over her head. She bit her lip as he tossed it aside and moved to unhook her bra. She gasped when he fastened his mouth on one of her nipples, his hand moving lower._

_He gently laid her back, trailing his lips down her ribcage. She shivered and drew in sharp breaths before dissolving into giggles. “Oh, that tickles.”_

_“I’ll show you a real tickle.” He teased her, and she raised an eyebrow._

_“Oh, I wish you would.” Her voice was quiet, barely perceptible, but he accepted her challenge as he slipped her panties down. Her body trembled in anticipation as she struggled to be patient. He didn’t keep her waiting, he flicked his tongue across her clit, pleased with the way her entire body jerked._

_“Please.” She breathed, her fingers deep in his hair. The strands of blond tickled the inside of her thighs as he worked her pleasure center. She was shocked at how good it felt, first times were always awkward, but for some reason, this just felt right. It felt like it was only a matter of time before they came together, one way or another._

_That line of thinking was dangerous. She pushed it back, instead bringing herself back to her body and realizing she was already on the edge. “Oh, shit.” She moaned, clawing at the sheets desperately as she came undone, squeezing Henrik’s face between her thighs. She shoved him away, panting heavily as she pulled his face to her neck. He alternated kisses and nibbles, and she whimpered softly._

_“Henrik,” She breathed, and he pulled back._

_“El.”_

_“I…” She was blushing furiously as she took his face in her hands. “I want you.”_

_Henrik scrambled to find a condom, and luckily had one in his back pocket. She tugged at his clothes, and he removed them for her, dumping them unceremoniously on the floor. She appraised him boldly, her eyes widening slightly._

_“Like what you see?” He teased her, cocking his hip._

_“I don’t know yet, why don’t you show me so I can decide?” She teased him right back, and he hastily rolled on the condom._

_“Last chance to change your mind.” He told her, and she responded by grabbing him by the wrist and pulling his body to hers._

_“Not a chance.” She murmured, and as their bodies came together for the first time, he thought they fit perfectly together. El would never say so, but she was thinking the same thing._

_They fell into a rhythm. Henrik stopped sleeping with anyone but El, and he wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was just because being with her was satisfying. She was teaching him how to snowboard better in exchange for mountain climbing trips in the summer. Neither of them had expected it to continue, but the worrisome thing for El was wondering why she didn’t feel guilty about this. Or, for that matter, afraid of something going wrong._

_She hadn’t wanted to date because she didn’t feel ready, but whatever she was doing with Henrik was borderline dating._

_“No, friends with benefits.” She muttered to herself. That was better. Dating was a commitment, and the possibility of falling deeply in love and getting abandoned somehow. Her heart couldn’t handle that. Henrik knew without her saying what her fears were, and he always kept things light. He was a good friend, and maybe that’s why she didn’t feel guilty. She wasn’t trying to move on, she was just living._

Henrik woke up with a start to find that El wasn’t in bed with him anymore. The sunlight was streaming through his windows, and he stretched carefully. 

“El?” He called, and he heard her footsteps against the floor. She was at his side in an instant. 

“You’re awake!” She smiled, wiping her hands off on the front of her shirt. “I was just getting brunch ready, do you need anything?” She tilted her head when he didn’t answer immediately. “Bathroom?” 

He nodded sheepishly, and she rolled her eyes. “It’s not like you to be embarrassed.” She chided him, and helped him into a wheelchair she’d borrowed. “You did this for me. It’s no big deal.” She ruffled his hair. 

Once he was decent again, she wheeled him into the kitchen, where Lucas was standing in front of the stove stirring something that smelled fantastic. 

“Oh, my hero.” Henrik pretended to swoon, before falling into a yawn. Lucas rolled his eyes and shook his head, but he was smiling. From the very first time he’d met Henrik (by accident) he’d had a soft spot for the Swede. There was something that just clicked, and they’d been good friends ever since. 

“Good to see you’re in better spirits.” 

“No, no, I’m still exhausted.” He yawned again, more dramatically this time. “I’m hoping food will help.” 

“When are you going back to work, El?” Lucas asked as he started dividing food onto plates. 

“I don’t know yet. They want me back as soon as tomorrow. I guess Gaz hates picking up the slack.” She sighed. 

“You should go!” Henrik told her with a grin. 

“What?” Her eyes went wide. 

“Sure.” He held out his hand, and she hesitantly took it. “I still worked and took care of you, don’t let me hold you back, babe.” He strained for a kiss, and she laughed softly before planting a sloppy kiss on his cheek. He pouted, and she relented, pecking him on the lips. 

“You two are disgusting.” Lucas teased, but again, he was smiling. “Come on. Food’s getting cold.” 

Once they’d finished eating, Lucas spoke. “I’ll check in on you whenever I can.” He told Henrik, who shrugged. 

“Ah, it’s fine, really. I’ve almost got this walking thing figured out.” He winked. 

“Yeah, it’s only like, 8 weeks of this, isn’t it?” El squeezed his shoulder. 

“I’m glad you two finally figured this out.” Lucas told them, and El covered her face. “Too soon?” 

“Oh, you know Freya.” Henrik fixed her with a fond gaze. “She’s too shy.” 

Lucas snorted with laughter, shaking his head. “Bones? Shy?” 

“I know, it’s hard to believe.” 

At this point, El had her face down on the table, her hands covering the back of her head. “We’re not official yet!” Her voice was muffled, and the dark haired man chuckled. 

“Bonesy, it’s okay.” Lucas patted one of her hands gently. “It’s only us, and you _know_ me.”  
She lifted her head slowly, glaring at Lucas. 

“Whoa.” He pretended to almost fall out of his chair, and she laughed. 

“Dammit. I cannot stand you. Either of you.” But she was still laughing, running her fingers back and forth along her forehead. 

“Aw, Freya, I’m wounded.” Henrik pouted, and she huffed before carefully throwing her arms around his neck. 

“Alright, alright, you both know I’m only waiting for the other shoe to drop.” 

“Freya, I think that shoe was Blake.” Henrik told her with a ghost of a strained smile. 

“Yes, I’d tend to agree.” Lucas nodded slowly. “I don’t think you’re rid of her yet.” 

“This is why I’m worried about going back to work.” El frowned, wrapping her arms around Henrik’s bicep protectively. “I hate to think of her showing up while you’re here by yourself.” 

“Well.” Henrik pursed his lips. “I can actually still go to work, too.” 

“Absolutely not.” El straightened up, fixing him with a stern look. Lucas looked on curiously. 

“Hear me out. I can sit behind the desk. Or, I can do some small beginner classes from a chair.” He nodded, and she sighed softly, shaking her head with a smile. “You know I’m going to die of boredom if I’m cooped up here.”

“You’re ridiculous. But I guess you’re right. Lucas?” 

“Hm. I don’t see why not.” He shrugged. “I would definitely talk it out with your doctors, however.” 

“Yeah.” El nodded. “If your doctors clear it.” 

“Cool!” Henrik grinned. “Then you’re going back to work tomorrow.” He squeezed her waist. “Besides, I heard tomorrow’s gonna be a powder day.” 

Her eyes lit up, and even if she tried to hide her excitement, it’d be impossible.

“We’re getting first chair tomorrow.” Lucas told her. 

“There’s no friends on a powder day.” She retorted. “But be there at 5am. I’ll bring breakfast.” 

“Ugh, I’m so jealous.” Henrik whined, and El pressed a kiss to his temple. 

“Lucas will take videos for you.” 

“Actually.” Lucas took out his phone and shot off a text. “I’m inviting Carl. Maybe he’ll follow you around with a drone.” 

“Lucas, you’re a legend.” Henrik exclaimed, and Lucas smiled a thin lipped smile. 

“I said maybe.” He checked his phone. “Oh, he’s in. That was quick.” 

El rolled her eyes but it was clear that she was excited beyond belief. “Henrik, are you sure you’ll be alright?” She asked. 

“Yeah, if anything happens I’ll call you.” He told her, and she nodded slowly. 

“I’m locking all of your windows and doors.” 

“El, don’t worry, I’ll come by once you leave for your lessons.” He told her, and she smiled. “I don’t have any work tomorrow, so it’s no problem for me.” 

“Thank you Lucas. This means the world to me.” 

“Seriously, don’t mention it.” He looked at Henrik fondly. “This idiot is my best friend.” 

“Hey.” Henrik pouted. “I’m right here.” 

“Did you learn your lesson? Don’t go into the backcountry with _Rocco._ ” The name fell off of Lucas’ tongue with disdain. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve had enough.” Henrik scowled at Lucas, and El perked a brow but shrugged it off. 

\--

Lucas rolled up to the resort at 5am to find El sitting in the bed of her SUV, sipping at a thermos. 

“Coffee?” She offered once he crunched up to her car. He plopped down on the bumper, and accepted a cup gratefully, yawning. “Glad you made it.” 

“Carl’s five minutes away.” 

“Awesome.” She grinned. 

“How’s Henrik?” 

“Still asleep. The other night really took it out of him.” She hunched her shoulders, hugging the thermos. “I’m worried about him.” 

“He’ll be fine, El.” Lucas reassured her. “He’s strong.” 

“I know. He’ll be happy to see you later.” She smiled, and he squeezed her shoulder. She passed him a lukewarm breakfast burrito and a granola bar. “I know, it’s a weird combination.” 

“I get a world famous Mama Bones breakfast burrito? This is an honor.” Lucas feigned a swoon, and she rolled her eyes before descending into laughter. He tucked in happily, looking up when they heard tires approaching. 

“That must be Carl.” El smiled, and sure enough, the reserved technology genius approached them. 

“Good morning.” He greeted them, before swinging his tailgate open and sitting. El hadn’t spoken much with Carl, he ran in different circles than her and her friends. Still, he and Lucas had been friends for a while, and he occasionally showed up at one of Henrik’s parties. She liked him, she’d always thought he was nice. She offered him a burrito, and a granola bar. 

Once they’d all finished eating, El checked her phone. “Zabinski says the small park is good to go.” She stood up, brushing granola crumbs off of her coat. “You Jerries ready to shred?” 

Lucas snorted, shaking his head at her in amusement. “Don’t use your snowboard lingo at me, it’s too early.” 

Carl rummaged in the back of his car, pulling a drone out of a case. 

“You’re not boarding?” El perked a brow at him, and he shrugged. 

“I’ll grab it when the lifts open.” He told her, and she nodded. “I can get some really good shots when I don’t have to focus on staying upright, after all.” 

“It’s really cool of you to do this.” She grinned, and he shrugged. 

“I enjoy it.” 

“Come on.” Lucas already had his snowboard under his arm, and El laughed as she grabbed hers to run after him, not realizing that Carl was already beginning to grab some shots. 

El and Lucas caught their breath after hiking to the top of the park, and he turned to her. “You didn’t bring a flask by chance, did you?” He asked, and she shook her head. 

“I’m trying to take a break from that.” She told him, and he nodded, before looking up to see that Carl’s drone hovered above them, at the ready. “Alright, I’m dropping in.” She strapped in, jumping a few times to stretch her legs. “Hope you’re ready for this!” She shouted down to Carl, who she could just make out at the bottom. He waved as though to signal yes, and she rocked her way to a start. 

She hit a ramp, and reached through her legs to grab the heelside of her board, holding it for a few seconds before landing it. She launched herself into the air in a 360, lifting the nose of her board off of the snow before flattening it again to the snow, hurtling toward another ramp. She tucked into a front flip, sticking the landing again and slowing down before 50/50’ing over a rail. 

She braked again, this time in a shower of powder, before bearing down and hitting another rail. Finally, she slid to a stop at the bottom, flashing two big thumbs ups to Carl’s drone before pulling her facemask down to grin at him. She watched as Lucas hit the features far more tentatively than she had. He had never really been as much into park boarding, but he still enjoyed it from time to time. 

“Well, now I’m warmed up. I’m going to hit the half pipe.” She exclaimed, shedding her board and jogging back up the mountain. 

“I don’t know how she does it.” Lucas laughed, shaking his head as he watched her go. “I’m just going to watch, this time.” 

“She should have gone pro.” Carl mentioned, and Lucas stiffened just slightly. 

“She would have, if not for that accident. I think she still could.” He shrugged. “I mean, she’s _good._ ” 

“I’m going to make some hype videos out of these shots. I think we can get her to see it, too.” Carl nodded thoughtfully. 

“She’s stubborn.” Lucas sighed. “But I’ll see if I can get Henrik to talk to her, too. We both know he’d love it if she went pro.” 

“Wait, are they--?” Carl divided his focus between the conversation and following El with the drone as she dropped into the half pipe, landing impressive tricks that neither of them had seen her do in years. 

“They haven’t made it official yet.” Lucas gasped through his teeth as El’s helmet just narrowly missed colliding with the snow. He knew it was purposeful, but it was still heart wrenching. “The idiot’s planning on proposing to her.” Lucas scoffed, but his eyes were full of fondness. 

“Really?” Carl raised an eyebrow, not looking up from the screen. 

“Don’t you know? He’s loved her for years.” Lucas peered over Carl’s shoulder at the screen. “God, that’s impressive.” 

“Yes, I suppose it’s been obvious to everyone but them.” 

“You’re kidding.” Lucas laughed softly. “Henrik’s known the entire time how he felt. I think he would have exploded if he hadn’t told me. He just assumed she would never--” He clamped his mouth shut as he realized El was rapidly approaching them. She probably wouldn’t appreciate them talking about her like that, even if it wasn’t bad things. 

“How was that?” She asked with a huge grin. 

“Incredible, El.” Lucas breathed, and Carl nodded to indicate that he shared the sentiment. “I definitely thought you were going to lose your head at one point.” 

“You know me.” She shrugged, trying to downplay it. 

“No, El, none of us have seen you do that in years.” Lucas fixed her with a steady look. “Are you considering going pro? For real this time?” 

She threw her head back and laughed. “I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I won’t be able to do any meaningful competition until next winter, anyway.” She chewed on her lip nervously, before she caught sight of someone over Lucas’ shoulder. 

“Shit, you’re early!” She called out, and Lucas turned to see Gary trudging toward them. The blond rolled his eyes and tugged his beanie down further. 

“How’s Henrik?” Gary asked. El could read the relief in his eyes at not having to take on any more of her lessons, and she couldn’t help smiling at that thought. 

“As well as one might expect.” She flicked her eyes over Lucas, who nudged Carl.

“We’re going to go back to the car.” Lucas told her. 

“Yeah.” Carl nodded. “I’ve got to grab my board.” 

“Alright.” El turned back to Gary. “What’s up?” 

“I didn’t think you’d be coming back today.” He admitted, rubbing the back of his neck early. “I’ve been coming in early to get a headstart on the day.” El raised an eyebrow, leaning slightly on her board. 

“Have you? Well, consider me impressed.” 

“Sure. It’s twice the workload when you’re not here, you know.” He scoffed, and her eyes widened. She tried to retort, but he held up his hand. “I know, I know, you couldn’t help it, and I’m not upset with you. But if I didn’t tell you, you wouldn’t know.” 

“Are you trying to compliment or insult me?” She asked, and he chuckled softly.

“I’m trying to compliment you. Your job ain’t easy.” He frowned, then. “I heard you’re going to be leaving us.” 

“Yeah, well.” She looked away. “It really can’t be helped. Did Henrik say something?” 

“He did, yeah.” Gary shook his head. “I’m not gonna press for details, it’s not my business.” He assured her. 

“Well, my dad’s dying.” She blurted out, before covering her mouth. “Fuck. Sorry, I didn’t mean to dump that on you.” 

“Hey, it’s alright.” He threw an arm around her. “Shit, girl, you go through a lot of bullshit, don’t you?” 

“Oh my god! Shut up.” She squeaked, covering her face. Her shoulders shuddered and she sniffled violently. “Don’t ruin my powder day, dammit!” She admonished him, and he couldn’t help laughing. 

“Alright, since you just blurted that out, what’s the deal with you and the Swede then?” 

“Yeah, that one I’m not just going to come out with.” She pulled away from him, and Gary rolled his eyes at her. “Well, I--I’m--uh, you see, the thing--I did--” She shook her head, a bright pink flush suffusing her cheeks. She took a deep breath to try and collect her thoughts. “I-told-him-I’m-in-love-with-him-okay?” It came out so fast that it sounded like one word. 

“Did you really?” An amused look settled on his face, and she covered her face in a desperate attempt to mask the fact that her face was reddening even more by the second. 

“Yes, and I’m dragging him to Scotland with me. So you’ll have to find a substitute for your crew.” She teased him, and he laughed. 

“Of course you are. I should have known.” He shook his head. “He didn’t tell me that.” 

“It’s good to know he can keep his mouth shut about some things.” El muttered under her breath. 

“He only told me you’re leaving so I’d actually do my damn job, alright, El?” He kicked at the snow awkwardly. “I’m actually really glad you’re back, I er...I wanted to apologize.” 

“Oh?” 

“Yeah. I’m really sorry that I wasn’t taking this job seriously. I really let you pick up my slack for far too long. I guess--I guess I just thought this was an easy way to...christ, I hate to admit this. An easy way to meet girls.” 

“God, Gary, anyone with eyes could see you felt that way.” 

“Come on, El.” He grimaced. “I feel horrible for the shit way I acted. I’m going to do everything to make it up to you, and the whole place, really. I shouldn’t have turned all those guys loose, you know that better than I do.” 

“Yeah, clearly.” She sighed softly. “Hey, thanks for that. I just didn’t want to see you get shit canned over that. You’re a good instructor when you’re on your shit.” 

“I never really thanked you for teaching me. Gave me a better outlet, too.” 

“It’s nothing. You helped me realize I could teach.” She shook her head. “Alright, cut it out, now. I don’t want to get sappy, now.” She slapped his back. “Just keep up the good work, alright? I’m proud of you.” 

“Means a lot, El.” He fixed her with a curious look. “Are you moving back for good, or are you coming back someday?” 

“Yeah, I’d like to come back. I’m hoping to. So, don’t run this place into the ground while I’m gone, okay?” 

“Course not.” He ground his toe into the snow. “You’d better keep in touch.” 

“Obviously.” She turned and saw Lucas and Carl heading back their way. “It’s about that time, isn’t it?” 

“Yeah. I’ll see you on the magic carpet.” He nodded at her and headed to the lodge. 

“Come on, we gotta go if we’re gonna snag it.” El told her companions, and they went to stake out their place at the front of the line. 

Soon enough, the lift whirred to life and they sat snug and safe on a chair. 

“God, this feels good.” El breathed, leaning back slightly. “Only one thing would make this better.” She mused. 

“If Henrik were here?” Lucas asked.

“Yup.” She pulled out her phone to snap a selfie of the three of them, all grinning, even Carl. She sent it off to Henrik, captioned ‘Wish you were here’. He almost instantly responded with ‘me too babe’, and she sighed to herself, covering her screen with her hand when he sent her a shirtless picture to follow it up. 

Lucas stifled a laugh and she smacked him playfully with her glove. “That is for my eyes only!” She pretended to fume, and Lucas laughed even harder. 

“He shows up to my house like that all the time.” He teased her, and she pouted it. 

“I can’t believe he’s cheating on me already.” She joked, and Lucas tilted his head at her. 

“Technically--” 

“Oh, stop it, you.” She covered another blush, and wondered if she would spend the day living in embarrassment. She decided quickly that she’d better just get used to it. She was in for a lifetime of embarrassment, probably. It came with the territory. 

Carl just sat content to just listen to them. It wasn’t like him to involve himself in the affairs of others, and even if he did think El was gorgeous, she had never been the type of girl he went well with, she kind of scared him if he was honest with himself. 

El shook snow off of her board and yawned, lazily scanning the mountain. The snow glistened, pure and untouched, and the sight of it had her beaming happily. Lucas snapped a photo of her, and she snorted. “What are you doing?” She asked, and he showed her the photo. 

“You looked happy. I just thought I’d capture it.” 

“Send it to me. It looks good.” She laughed. She glanced up again, and shifted in the chair to get ready to unload. The boys mimicked her, and they congregated at the top of the run that El had chosen. Carl nodded to her that he was ready with his recording device, and she took a deep breath before turning down the mountain. 

She kissed her fingertips and flung the kiss into the sky before carving down the mountain. After she picked up some speed, she launched herself in the air, leaving Lucas to marvel at her strength as he and Carl followed her. She stuck the landing and cried out in joy. She kicked up sprays of powder on purpose, waving her hands excitedly as her body moved. 

Lucas found himself in awe of what she could do on just fresh powder, and flicked his eyes over to Carl to see that his friend was capturing every moment. El spun around on the nose of her board, bouncing off of it and flicking herself into the air like she was weightless. 

They sat next to a fire half an hour before El needed to meet her first lesson of the day. She scrolled through her phone, picking a few of her favorite shots to post before stretching and yawning. 

“Thanks for hanging out with me today, guys.” She smiled warmly at the two. 

“Thanks for the invite.” Carl nodded. Lucas rose to his feet slowly, stretching his arms above his head before turning to El. 

“I’m going to head over to Henrik’s now, I’ll let you know how he’s doing.”

“Thanks, Daffy.” She sagged in relief. 

“Of course. I’ll see you both later.” He turned and walked away, and El turned to Carl. 

“I appreciate you filming me today. I always like seeing myself, so I can work out what to improve.” 

“You already look flawless out there.” Carl told her, scrolling to a video. “See?” 

“Oh, no, see, my stance is a little off here.” She pointed at the screen. “I should be bending my front knee a little more. And--” 

“No one else would notice that.” Carl interrupted, and she sat back, nodding. 

“You’re right.” 

“I’ll do some editing later tonight and send you the results.” He told her, making to leave. 

“Oh, you’re not sticking around to do a few more runs?” She asked, and he shook his head. 

“No, I’ve got too much to do. But I promise I will make time for this.” He indicated the footage. 

“Don’t spread yourself too thin on my behalf, please.” 

“It’s fun for me, don’t worry about it.” He told her. “I’ll see you later.” 

“Yeah, Henrik and I will throw a going away party soon, you’re obviously invited!” El told him, and he smiled with tight lips before leaving. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that poor lamp did nothing wrong


	10. Crescendo (blue) to Mozart (blue)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs for your consideration: 
> 
> [ Too Hot - Swollen Members ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5e8e7voq-yA)
> 
> [Youth - Foxes (Adventure Club Remix) ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XG_0iV2B40)

The sun was falling in the sky as two friends sat on a balcony, sipping warm tea. Chelsea leaned in slightly, frowning adorably at Bobby. 

“There’s something you’re not telling me.” She pouted, and he sighed, leaning back. “What really happened? You  _ liked  _ her.” 

“I don’t want you to be upset with her, it’s not her fault.” He shifted uncomfortably, and she chewed on her lip, frowning. “It really isn’t. And she did nothing wrong.” 

“That doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to be upset.” 

“Of course I’m upset,” Bobby admitted. “Who wouldn’t be? She’s amazing,” He sighed, running his hand along his forehead. “In the end, it was never going to be me.” 

“Don’t say that, babes.” Chelsea took his hand in both of hers, squeezing comfortingly. “She does seem like a great girl, but I’d still like to have some words with her.” She wrinkled her nose, trying to scowl. 

“It was obvious, Chels. Didn’t you see the way they looked at each other?” He hesitated when she furrowed her brow in confusion. “Henrik and El.” 

“Oh!” She tapped her cheek thoughtfully. “I guess you’re right. It’s still not right the way she dropped that on you. Don’t you think?” 

“Obviously it’s not ideal for me.” Bobby looked down into his tea, watching the light reflect off of the surface. “I had a feeling it would turn out this way, and to her credit, she was honest with me.” 

“Was she?” Chelsea tilted her head at him. 

Bobby thought back to a conversation he’d had with El. 

_ I’m not comfortable with relationships. I don’t want to lead you on. I don’t want to hurt you, even though I know I probably will.  _

It had stung, and it had been a slap in the face, to be sure, but she really hadn’t been dishonest. “She was, yeah,” He sighed heavily. “Look, I’m not going to talk about this with the guys.” He told her with a meaningful look. She held her hand over her heart as if to say she would make a valiant effort to keep their conversation between them. “And I’m not going to lie to you and say I’m not hurt. Which I’ve said.

“None of this is on El, and there’s no one really to blame. It’s just a thing that happened.” He finished, and Chelsea pursed her lips. 

“You’re right, but that won’t stop me from being sad for you.” She huffed. “And I kind of want to slap some sense into both Henrik  _ and  _ El right away.” She pulled out her phone. “I think I can get us on an early flight.” She winked at him, and he laughed, shaking his head at her. 

“She’ll be here in the spring, it’s fine, really.” He looked away, before turning his attention back to his tea. “I’d like it if we could all be friends, eventually,” He said, and Chelsea nodded slowly. 

“Yeah, of course, babes! But you know I’m gonna give her a piece of my mind!” She threw her hands up, and Bobby shook his head before laughing softly. 

“I guess I can’t stop you. But try to take it easy on her.” 

She hopped off of her seat and tugged him out of his in a bear hug. She brushed her cheek against his as she pulled away, and they hovered there for a while, their faces just inches apart. 

\--

Henrik was in bed, sound asleep, when El came flying through his front door. He woke up to her flinging his bedroom door open and jumping on his bed. “ _ Wake up!”  _ She shouted, and he pulled a pillow over his head and squeezed his eyes shut. 

“No!” He protested, and she tugged the pillow away easily, since he was still down a hand. 

“Yes!” She pretended to beat on his chest, and he groaned before exaggerating a yawn. 

“What time is it?” He frowned. 

“I don’t know, Carl just sent me the video he edited!” She pointed at her phone. “Come on, I want to watch it!” 

Henrik came to life, sitting up gingerly. “You mean you didn’t watch it yet?” 

“I wanted to watch it with you.” She hopped off of the bed, extending her hand to him. He shook his head and moved for his wheelchair. 

“Go get it set up, I’ll be out there soon.” He told her. She wrinkled her nose and pouted, but nodded and waited for him in the living room. She scrolled through her phone, flicking on the TV and getting comfortable. 

Henrik wheeled himself out and allowed El to help him onto the couch. “Are you ready for this?” She asked him, and he lifted his arm, inviting her to cuddle into his side. She snuggled into him and he wrapped his arm around her. 

“Ready.” 

She hit play, and he squeezed her shoulder as it showed her on the screen, running down the parking lot, looking back and grinning, flashing a thumbs up at Lucas and Carl, presumably. 

“I didn’t know he got shots of that.” She smiled sheepishly, but Henrik’s focus was on the screen as the music faded in. 

It started out with some simple tricks, El buttering down a short hill, and even a couple handstands. Then, the camera showed a shot of her downing a drink, which El immediately recognized as a shot from another day. “How did he get  _ that _ ?” Her eyes widened. 

_ When I drink, it’s a problem _

_ Cause I cause problems  _

The next shot followed El down the halfpipe, executing elaborate tricks and making them all look easy. Somehow, Carl had edited it so that her board moved to the rhythm of the song, and she was impressed. Henrik squeezed her tightly against him, and he gasped every time she went airborne. 

“You’re so fucking good.” He breathed when the video ended, and she flipped through her phone. 

“He sent another one, this one’s marked ‘Professional.’ Shall we?” She asked, and he nodded. 

“Obviously I want to see it.” He kissed her temple, and she blushed, but hit play on the next video. 

The video was El’s best runs and tricks from the day compiled seamlessly, all set to the sounds of  _ Foxes - Youth (Adventure Club Remix) _ . She was surprised to find herself wiping tears off of her cheeks at the end of it, and she threw her phone to the end of the couch. 

“Are you alright?” Henrik asked softly, and she buried her face in his chest. 

“Yeah.” She mumbled. She clung to him, breathing through it, taking her time to compose herself. She pulled away, meeting his gaze. “I just didn’t know I could do that anymore.” 

“Freya,” Henrik breathed, leaning forward slightly. “You’re going to go pro.” 

Her eyes widened and she pulled back, before laughing heartily. “Oh, babe,” She sighed, smoothing out his wrinkled sleep shirt. “I think I might be a bit long in the tooth.” 

Henrik pointed to the screen, which had paused on a still of El, suspended high in the air above the powder, her hands in the air, her knees just barely bent. “If you are, you surely don’t look like it.” 

She turned away, still pressed against his side. “I can’t do any meaningful snowboarding until next season, let’s shelve this until then, alright?” She asked tersely, and he ran his hand down her arm soothingly before murmuring in assent. 

\--

El sat on her couch sipping at coffee and flipping through channels when she heard a knock on the door. She didn’t even bother getting up because she already knew who it was. Henrik pushed the door open, dressed in hiking gear. 

“What are you doing?” She asked, perking an eyebrow as he sat down on the couch next to her. 

“Come on, I want to take you for a hike.” 

“Is that wise?” 

“Wisdom’s overrated.” He leaned over to kiss her, and she rolled her eyes but met his lips with hers. 

“Alright, but no major inclines. I mean it!” She narrowed her eyes at him when his eyes crinkled with mirth. She hopped off the couch, rushing to her room to pull on hiking clothes. She reemerged, wearing her favorite puffy teal coat and a beanie. “Where are we going?” 

“You’ll see,” He said softly, his eyes sparkling with excitement. It was obvious to her that he could barely hold onto the secret, so she let him have it, instead clamping her mouth shut and following him to his car. “Don’t worry, sötnos.” He chucked her chin lightly. “I’m not going to hurt myself.” 

“What did you just call me?” She narrowed her eyes at him, and he laughed softly when the realization hit. 

“I didn’t even notice I did that. It means, um, sweetie,” He told her, and she ducked her head to hide a blush as she slid into his car. 

“We’ll be back before dark, right?” She asked worriedly, and he nodded. 

“Of course.” He squeezed her knee affectionately. 

Twenty minutes later, El found herself standing at a trailhead with Henrik’s gloved hand in hers. “Ready?” He asked, and she nodded. They’d both strapped into snowshoes to make the late winter hike more bearable, and he carried a backpack, even though El begged him to let her take it. 

“I’m fine.” He reassured her, and she relented, tugging her hood up over her head. They hiked in silence for a while, just content to be near each other. El paused to snap a photo with him in front of some fallen trees, and he kissed her cheek at the last second. 

“You’re such a sap.” She teased him, but he just grinned at her. 

“Take another!” He encouraged her, and the next one she snapped featured her grin and his goofiest expression. 

“Why are you like this?” She snorted. She shoved her phone in her pocket before pointing up. “Look! A cardinal!” She exclaimed, and he followed where she was pointing, staring long enough for her to grab a handful of snow to toss in his face. 

“Hey!” He protested, but she was already clopping down the trail. “That’s not fair, Freya! You know I can’t run!” He called after her, and she slowed down, turning and sticking her tongue out at him. She let him catch up anyway, and he smashed a small snowball on her cheek. She threw her arms around his waist and took him down into a pile of snow with her as gently as she could muster. 

“I think we’re even now, Hen.” She narrowed her eyes, and he pulled her beanie over her eyes. 

“Now we’re even,” He said, and she wrapped her fingers around a chunk of his hair, tugging slightly. He pushed her beanie back up, before flattening his palm to the snow and lifting himself to his feet. He turned and made to leave, and El mumbled a protest. He smiled slowly as he offered her his hand. 

“I don’t trust you.” She took his hand anyway, and he hoisted her up. She fell against him, and he held her for a moment. “See? You let me fall over.” She teased him, and he brushed snow off of her coat. 

“You can trust me, Freya.” He pouted, and she laughed softly, shaking her head at him and motioning for him to continue up the trail. They walked for a while until they came to a bench in a small clearing with a picture perfect mountain view. Henrik pushed the fresh snow off of it, and El sat down slowly. He set the backpack between them, opening it and fishing for snacks. He handed her a bottle of water, and she took it and drank greedily. 

“My hero.” She breathed as he handed her a sandwich. She ate quietly, her eyes huge as she took in the scenery. Even if she’d been there for years, it never ceased to amaze her how beautiful it was. She’d always loved the mountains, and she knew she was going to miss it. Sure, there were mountains near Glasgow, but it wouldn’t be quite the same. 

Henrik seemed to read her thoughts from her eyes. “You’ll be back someday,” He said quietly between bites. She nodded slowly, sighing to herself. 

“It’s going to be weird. I don’t know, this place has a hold on me.” 

“I know.” He reached over the backpack to throw his arm around her shoulders, and she leaned against it. 

“Oh!” She straightened up and finished her sandwich. “I’ve got to go to Keystone next Saturday.” 

“What? Why?” 

“I’m doing someone a favor and covering a few lessons.” She slumped over, and Henrik switched places with the backpack so he could pull her into his arms. “Ugh, we probably look so obnoxious.” 

“There’s not another soul around, Freya.” 

“Oh.” 

“Are you going to talk to your brother?” He asked, and she stiffened just noticeably. 

“I guess, I’ll try and track him down.” She buried her face in his chest, holding onto the front of his coat. 

“I know it’s been a while.” He ran his hand down her back. “But don’t you think you should?” 

“Yeah.” She looked away. “I don’t really want to talk about it now.” She reached down, acting like she was stretching. When she straightened up, she pulled off Henrik’s beanie and dropped a handful of snow on top of his head. He jumped off of the bench, walking a few paces away. “I’m sorry!” She called, knitting her brows together. He leaned down, rolling up some snow into a ball. 

“Are you?” He retorted, before launching the snowball at her. It connected with her cheek with a satisfying smack. 

“Ow, what the hell, Henrik?” She hid her face in her hands, and he crunched towards her. 

“Shit, Freya, I’m sorry!” 

“Stay back!” She hopped up and ran around the back of the bench. She bent down swiftly, making her own snowball. She cocked her arm back, bending her knees before stepping into the throw. She hit him right between the eyes, and he stood there, stunned. It was long enough for her to make a few more snowballs, and she attacked him in a barrage. 

“Oh, it’s on!” Henrik laughed, and they lobbed snowballs at each other until their arms grew tired. El plopped down on the bench, and Henrik rummaged around in the backpack. He shook his head, clearly dissatisfied with the contents. He set it aside, taking a seat next to El. 

“I didn’t just take you out here for a hike, Freya.” He told her, and she turned to him, perking an eyebrow. 

“Yeah, you took me out here to attack me with snowballs, too.” She teased him, and he took her hand, fixing her with a serious gaze. Her heart fluttered, and she choked on a breath for a split second. 

“You mean the world to me, Freya,” He said, squeezing her hand tightly. “The last month or so has really shown me that.” He leaned in slightly, bringing his gloved hand to her winter flushed cheek. “Will you be my girlfriend?” He asked softly, and she gasped softly before crushing her lips against his, pulling him close to her. She pulled away slightly to breathe “Yes,” into his mouth. 

He crushed her in a bear hug, amazed at the fact that not only was she in his arms, but she had said yes to making a commitment to him with no hesitation. 

“Freya Elspeth Gordon, I love you.” __

“I love you too, you stupid meatball.” She kissed him again, and for a while, they held each other, content to listen to the crinkling of the wind as it passed through the snow covered trees. 

“I thought for sure you were going to say no.” Henrik admitted suddenly, and El pulled back, her eyes wide. 

“What made you think that?” She asked. 

“Oh, come on, don’t make me spell it all out,” He said, and she pulled back, cupping his cheek and running her thumb along it affectionately. 

“Well, I said yes.” She grinned, and he squeezed her forearm, reluctant to let her get away from him. “Come on, we did come here to hike, too, didn’t we?” She asked teasingly, and his eyes sparkled. “Maybe there’s a tree we can climb.” 

“It’s not what I’m used to.” Henrik shrugged as he zipped up the bag, flinging it back over his shoulder and offering a hand to El. She took it and let him help her up. 

“Well, it’s something to climb,” She said teasingly, and he shook his head at her. 

“Come on.” He squeezed her hand before moving on down the trail. She followed him, clinging to his hand as she found herself speechless again. She was content to take in the scenery, the way the snow beneath her shoes flattened into satisfying patterns, and the feeling of Henrik’s gloved hand holding hers tightly, even as she trailed behind him. 

“You’re so slow,” Henrik chided her, a teasing glint in his eyes as he turned back to her, and she pouted up at him. 

“I’m savoring this!” She retorted, and he pulled her to him, wrapping his arm around her waist. She leaned into him, once she was sure there was no one coming to interrupt their moment. “I’m happy,” She breathed, and Henrik felt his heart soar. He couldn’t help himself, he threw his arms around her, delighted when he felt her arms around him, too. 

“I’m happy, too.” 

“Of course you are.” She teased him, her voice muffled by his coat. When she pulled back, Henrik captured her lips in a fervent kiss. She pressed herself against him, tugging lightly at the zipper of his coat as their lips met again and again. 

“Here? Really, Freya?” Henrik asked, but he was grinning. 

“We need to consummate our relationship.” 

“Consu--what?” 

“Consummate me, Henrik,” El breathed, as she tugged off her coat. 

“Right here?” He looked around, but there was no one on the trail but them. “Really?” 

El cupped his cheeks in her hands, having hung her coat neatly on a tree limb and unstrapped her snowshoes. She kissed him again, before letting her hands trail back down to his coat. “Yeah. Take it off, babe.” 

“But it’s cold out here,” Henrik breathed, even as he was tugging his zipper down and shedding his coat, also unstrapping his snowshoes. “We’re going to get frostbite.” 

“ _ You _ might.” El smirked, and he pouted before sliding his hand through the maze of her snowpants. 

“Help me out here,” Henrik said, and El shook her head at him. 

“Figure it out yourself, Meatball.” She teased him, and with his other hand, he gripped the waistband and pulled her firmly against him, crushing her lips against his in a fiery kiss. She lost her hands in his hair, twisting slightly as his fingers found their target. “Oh, good, you figured it out,” She breathed, burying a moan in his neck. 

He cupped his hand, circling her clit with his index finger, reveling in the way El’s hips rocked forward against his hand and she ground against him. “Henrik, please,” She breathed, pulling at his hair harder, her voice throaty and filled with need. 

“Please what?” Henrik asked breathily as he backed her against a tree. 

“Fuck,” She moaned softly, her hands falling to his hips. “I...I need you.” Her breath hitched, and her hips bucked involuntarily as waves of pleasure washed over her. He bent down slightly to whisper in her ear, never ceasing his motions. 

“I forgot to bring a condom.” He told her, and she groaned in agony. 

“You are literally killing me.” She cried, but held his wrist fast when he tried to move away. “I didn’t say you could stop.” 

“My wrist is cramping.” Henrik whined, and she tossed her head. 

“Liar,” She said, before tapping on the top of his head. “Use your mouth, then.” She grinned, and he immediately fell to his knees, his fingers tripping over the clasps and zippers on her snowpants. She leaned against the tree patiently as he tugged the waistband down, staring up at her reverently before leaning forward, flicking his tongue out to taste her. He sighed happily, curling his fingers around the backs of her thighs as he rolled his tongue across her clit. 

She returned her hands to his hair, absentmindedly massaging his scalp as mewls of pleasure fell from her lips, her hips bucking forward. She was grateful for the steady presence of the tree trunk behind her as he pushed her closer and closer to her undoing. 

“Oh, fuck,” She moaned. Henrik worked feverishly, one hand tightening on her thigh as he worked two fingers into her. She gasped for breath, allowing a string of gibberish to escape her mouth as she came undone into his hand. She exhaled through her nose loudly as her body shuddered, and she crumpled against the tree trunk. Henrik rose quickly to catch her in his arms. 

“Whoa, easy there, Freya,” He said, and she blinked up at him. 

“I can’t move. Dress me.” She commanded, and he snorted softly before pulling her snowpants back up before anyone could happen upon them. They’d been lucky so far, but he could sense that luck running out at any moment. He fastened her back up, and as he straightened, she pulled him back to her, begging him for another kiss. He obliged, a groan dying in his throat when she somehow wrapped her legs around his waist, pressing as close as her garments would allow. 

He was so hard it was starting to hurt, and he pressed El forcefully into the tree, breaking away from her lips to lay a path of kisses along what bits of her neck were exposed. 

“Ugh, Henrik, I want you,” She sighed, and he buried his face in her shoulder with an exaggerated groan. 

“Let’s go home, then,” He said, and she sighed again as he pulled away, letting her feet hit the ground. When he started to pull away, she grabbed him gently by the collar, turning him and pressing him against the tree in her stead. She started to slide to the ground before him, but he caught her underneath her armpits. 

“Not here, Freya.” He caressed her cheek adoringly, and she pouted at him. “We should take our time.” 

“Oh, fine.” She huffed, before pulling her coat back on and strapped her snowshoes back on. “But just know, you’re in for a rough night, babe.” She stuck her tongue out, and he grinned, desire flashing in his eyes. 

“I can’t wait.” He mirrored her, wincing when he bent down to strap into his snowshoes. 

“Are you good?” El asked, eyeing him. 

“Yeah, I just, uh, need to walk it off.” 

“Oh!” She clasped her hands over her mouth before laughing softly. “ _ I’m  _ not the one who forgot the condoms.” She brushed against him, and he stiffened slightly. 

“If you keep touching me we’ll never leave.” He grunted, and she laughed harder this time. 

“God, sorry.” She snorted, shaking her head and clicking her tongue before taking off down the trail. 

“Wrong way, Freya!” He protested, and she turned and perked an eyebrow at him. 

“What, this won’t take us back to the car?” 

“It’ll take twice as long,” He said, his brow furrowing. 

“Oh, well, in that case,” She smiled sweetly as she turned and kept going. 

“Freya, don’t make me beg.” Henrik pleaded, and she hesitated before turning back and walking the other way with him. 

“Fine, but only because I don’t want you to overexert those legs.” 

When they finally made it to the car and buckled in, Henrik thought he was in the clear, and that maybe, just maybe, he’d make it home. El bit her lip, waiting until he was driving down the highway to slide her hand past his waistband. 

“What...what are you doing? Oh my god,” Henrik gasped, tightening his grip on the steering wheel. “Freya, please, I’m driving.” 

“Keep your eyes on the road, and don’t worry about what I’m doing.” She breathed, turning slightly in her seat. He grabbed her wrist, fixing her with a stern side eye. 

“Freya, please, I can’t focus if you do that.” His voice was clipped, and she slumped over slightly, pouting at him. 

“I’m sorry, I’m impatient.” She let her hand linger on his thigh, and he squeezed it gently. 

“I just want us to get home safe.” He moved his hand back to the steering wheel, and she leaned her cheek against the headrest, placing her other hand on his thigh. She just needed to keep him under her fingers, to feel him and know that he was there with her. They drove in a comfortable silence, until El started squirming in her seat. 

“What, do you have to pee?” Henrik asked when he noticed, and she wrinkled her nose at him before nodding. He pulled into a gas station, and she darted in. He sighed softly, running his hands through his hair. He was content in this moment, thinking about the fact that El had said yes to him. All of the years of wishing and wanting had paid off, and he was happy. Maybe there would be a price to pay, but that was a bridge he could cross later. Or not at all, he hoped. 

He grinned when he caught sight of El running to the car, clutching a brown paper bag. “What do you have there?” He asked once she was pulling her seatbelt on. 

“You’ll find out.” 

“It’s condoms, isn’t it?”

“ _ Someone _ had to step up and get them.” She huffed, and he laughed. 

“I’m pretty sure I still have a drawerful at home.” 

“These are car condoms.” El told him, tossing the bag into the console. She leaned her seat back, and he turned to her, raising an eyebrow. 

“I know a place we could park.” 

“Henrik, you’re too tall for car sex. Actually, we both are,” She said, unable to keep the mirth out of her voice. 

“How do you know?” He pouted, and she rolled her eyes. 

“We’ve tried it before. I ended up with a black eye.” She narrowed her eyes. “Come on, let’s go!” She grabbed his thigh and shook it, pursing her lips at him. 

“Aw, come on, we could try again,” He said, and she shook her head. 

“The longer you spend arguing with me, the longer you have to wait.” At that, he started driving. 

It felt like the drive took forever, and even if El wasn’t actively trying to distract him, it was still hard to focus with her near him. She was clearly bursting at the seams, aching to touch him, but stopping herself. Her fingernails dug into her thighs as she struggled for control over her urges to touch him. 

Finally, to both of their relief, they pulled into the driveway. El tossed herself out of the car, as Henrik was a bit more careful. She hesitated on the hood of the car, taking his hand in hers. 

“Your place or mine?” She asked, with a wink. 

“Mine,” He said, taking her by the hand and leading her inside. She stumbled after him, her body practically vibrating with excitement. They hadn’t slept together since the hospital, and Henrik felt like he was about to explode. He fumbled with the lock, his hands steadying when he felt El’s body pressing against his back. He pushed the door open, and as soon as El shut it behind them, he pulled her into his arms. 

“Patience.” She chided him, a smile tugging at her lips as she practically ripped his coat off. He toed off his shoes, and she bent to untie hers before slipping them off. Before he could get her back in his arms, she was rushing off to his bedroom. He followed her, grinning when he saw that she’d left a trail of clothes behind. 

His jaw dropped when he saw her, sitting naked in his bed. He leaned against the doorjamb, struggling with the zipper on his pants. “Shit. I think it’s stuck,” He swore, and El beckoned him toward her. 

“Let me try.” She reached for him, and he stood next to the bed. She slid the pants off of his hips in a smooth motion, and he shook his head in disbelief. 

“Lazy.” He teased her, and she stuck out her tongue. 

“No, smart.” She licked her lips as he shrugged off the rest of his clothing. He crawled into bed, pressing soft lips against her collarbone. He nibbled at the tender flesh teasingly, even as he walked his fingers down her stomach. She drew in a sharp breath as he grazed his fingertips across her clit. She pushed him away, and he rolled onto his back, studying her querulously. “It’s your turn,” She said, before planting sloppy kisses down the length of his body. 

He twitched beneath her, drawing in deep breaths to try and keep from laughing. “What?” She asked, even though she already knew the answer. 

“You know I’m ticklish.” He pouted, and she paused, her hands on his hips. She bit her lip, her eyes half lidded. He groaned when she took him in her mouth, sliding down to his base. His hips bucked upwards even though he tried to keep still. “That’s amazing,” he breathed, and she bobbed her head up and down, flattening one hand on his thigh and curling the other around him as she continued her motions. 

“Freya, I’m--I’m gonna--” he cut himself off with a moan as he came, clawing at the sheets. He pushed her head away gently when he could take no more, and she climbed up his body, letting him catch his breath for a moment before drawing his lips to hers. He could just taste himself on her lips. He carded his fingers through her hair, rolling his other hand down her side, resting his fingers on her hip. She reached down, guiding his hand between her legs. 

“No, Freya, I’m saving myself for marriage.” He deadpanned, and she snorted with laughter, before rolling her body over his, inching her lips closer to his. 

“Then let’s elope,” She breathed into his mouth, and he reached up to kiss her, running his thumb along her cheek. 

“Oh, don’t tease me.” He pouted, and she smiled against his mouth as she kissed him deeply, before leaning back and sitting astride him. She rolled her hips against him, already feeling him harden beneath her. 

“Likewise,” She said, her voice husky with want. He blinked up at her innocently before laughing softly, reaching between them, gently working his way down until he was slipping his fingers inside of her. “Oh,” She breathed as he thrust his fingers into her, leaning forward to give him better access. She reached over, pulling the drawer of his bedside table over and coming back with a foil square. She shoved it into his hands, and he tore it open hastily, rolling the condom over his cock. 

“Little Henrik is cold, babe,” He said, and she threw her head back, snorting with laughter. 

“Aw, that’s too bad.” She giggled, and he hit her with the puppy dog eyes as best as he could. He kind of looked like he was going to sneeze, which just made El snort again. 

“Maybe you could warm him up for me,” Henrik said, but lost his composure and joined her in her laughter. 

“Oh my god, Henrik, shut up.” She managed, before taking a deep breath and composing herself. She bit her lip before positioning him at her entrance, moaning softly as she slid down, sheathing him completely. He reached up for her, and she fell forward, skin to skin as he took over, thrusting up into her. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly as he moved. He stopped suddenly, motioning for her to roll onto her back. 

“Not yet.” She leaned back, rocking her hips back and forth against him, flattening her hands on his stomach for leverage. His eyes rolled back as he tried to reach for her, but the sensation was overwhelming and his hand fell short. 

“Shit, Freya, you’re incredible,” He breathed, and she sped up. He moaned, and she grabbed one of his hands, lacing her fingers through his and squeezing tightly. He squeezed back, gripping as though for dear life. He managed to lift his other hand, finding her clit and working his thumb in circles over it until she was practically sobbing out her pleasure. She kept moving faster until he had her shuddering in ecstasy. The next thing he knew, she was on the floor, flat on her back, completely stunned. 

“What just happened?” She laughed when she came back to herself, and he rolled onto his side, his eyes full of concern. 

“Are you alright?” he asked. She nodded, reached for his hand. He took it, and she pulled him onto the floor with her. He managed to land softly, somehow, and she smiled as he kneeled between her legs, bending to kiss her sweetly. 

“I’m fine.” She reassured him, reaching down and cupping him in her hand. To her delight, he was still hard, and she coaxed him back into her. He moaned against her throat as he thrust into her. She raked her nails down his back, and nudged her chin up so he could gain better access to her throat. He planted distracting kisses along the exposed flesh, and she mewled softly, settling her hands in his hair and bringing his lips back to hers. 

He slowed his pace, cupping her cheek as he pressed his forehead against hers. “Fuck, you feel so good,” He murmured, and she pulled him as close as she could, as though she were trying to mold their bodies together. She could only moan in response. He rolled his hips into her slower, taking his time and savoring every blissful expression that crossed her face. 

Almost without warning, he found his release, moaning against El’s lips as he finished. She smiled, reaching up to brush a strand of sweat dampened hair off of Henrik’s forehead. 

“You’re so beautiful,” She breathed, and he froze, his eyes glimmering with moisture before he buried his face in the rug beside her head. “Oh, Henrik, don’t cry.” 

“I’m not crying,” He sniffled, and she stroked his back soothingly with one hand while the other weaved itself through his hair. 

“Oh shut up, I’m feeling it, too.” She groaned. “Could you let me up?” She asked, and he quickly rolled off of her, still hiding his face from her as he sat up. She kneeled beside him, turning his face toward hers, letting him see the moisture on her cheeks. “I mean it, though, you  _ are  _ beautiful.” She pulled him into her arms, and they stayed that way for a while, El gently rocking him back and forth.

“So are you,” He breathed finally, and she pulled back, a smile lighting on her lips before she clambered to her feet and disappeared into the bathroom. Henrik took a moment to regain his composure and to think about why he had lost it just then. It wasn’t something he’d normally overthink, but it felt like something had shifted between them. It was more intense, now. 

When he came to, El was snug in his bed. “Go clean yourself up!” She demanded. “I need a cuddle.” 

He pulled himself up carefully, rushing off to do as she asked, happy to slide under the covers next to her warm body. He tugged her into his arms, and she sighed happily as she pressed against him. 

“Up for round two?” She teased, dragging her finger slowly up his abdomen. He shivered under her touch, his face flushing. 

“Are you?” he retorted, and she rolled away from him. He turned onto his side, pulling her into him. 

“Nope. You wore me out,” She said. She picked up his hand and lazily intertwined her fingers with his, her breathing slowly beginning to even out. She turned back over, pushing him onto his back and resting her head on his chest. He traced circles on her shoulder, his head rolling to the side and his eyes sliding shut. 

“Looks like I wore you out, too,” She murmured, and he nodded. “It’s not even that late, yet.” She laughed, and he yawned. 

“Let’s take a nap anyway.” 

  
  


El woke up to find that Henrik wasn’t in bed with her anymore, and she yawned and stretched, slowly pulling herself out of bed and tossing one of his t-shirts on and pulling her underwear back on. 

She padded into the kitchen in search of a glass of water, finding Henrik hard at work in front of the stove. He startled slightly when he realized she’d walked in, planting a kiss on her temple when she moved within reach of him. 

“It smells amazing,” She said, and he grinned. 

“It’s not much.” He shrugged, before handing her a mug of coffee. 

“Oh, what are you trying to give me energy for?” She asked teasingly, and he just winked at her. 

“I just thought I’d take you up on round two.”

“Someone’s insatiable.” She sipped at the coffee, and he laughed softly. 

“Yes, and her name is Freya.” 

“Are you complaining?” 

He rewarded her with another laugh. “Of course I’m not.” He motioned her over to him. “Here, taste this.” He held out a wooden spoon that held some kind of thick stew. She tasted it tentatively, her eyes widening. 

“That’s fantastic.” She tilted her head at him. “What is it?” 

“It’s just a vegetable stew, nothing special.” 

“I really lucked out with you, didn’t I?” She slid her arms around his waist from behind, resting her head on his shoulder. 

“I think I’m the lucky one.” He replied, humming softly as he stirred the pot. 

“Let’s revisit this in a few weeks, shall we?” She teased him, lifting her head to dart her tongue around the shell of his ear, pleased when he shivered at the touch, a ghost of a moan leaving his mouth. 

“I’m going to burn the stew!” He protested with a short laugh, and she untangled herself from him reluctantly, settling down on a barstool. She spent the time scrolling on her phone, and updating her socials. 

He set a bowl down in front of her, and she tucked in happily. “Thank you, babe. This is delicious.” 

He sat down next to her, practically inhaling his food.

“I called off the engagement,” She said suddenly between bites. Henrik choked, coughing into the crook of his elbow. 

“I’m sorry?” 

She finished her stew and pushed the bowl aside. “Yeah. I never told anyone.” She looked away. “We were working things out, or trying to--” She leaned her elbows on the counter, holding her head in her hands. “The night before, we fought like hell, and I said I--I was done.” El hid her face, and Henrik pulled her into his arms, stroking her back. 

“You don’t have to talk about it.” 

“No, you should know.” She returned. “Things weren’t as good as they seemed on the outside. Talking with Salsa has really helped me figure this out, and realize that I’ve been holding on too tightly to my guilt. Breaking up or not wouldn’t have changed things.” 

“But--” 

“Yeah, our wedding was literally months away.” She lifted her head, leaning away from him so she could look at him. “I was scared to leave. He was my life here, you know? But now, I see that I have all of you. Even that idiot hippie.” 

“Aw, Rocco’s not so bad.” Henrik pouted, and she shrugged his arms off of her. 

“I didn’t want anyone to find out. I was afraid they’d think I was this horrible person, but we weren’t in a healthy place.” She looked away.

“You’re not horrible.” Henrik took her hand and squeezed. “Sometimes horrible things just happen for no reason, yeah?” He smoothed his thumb over the back of her hand, and she sighed softly. 

“I guess so.” She fidgeted with the hem of her shirt. “It’s still hard to cope with, and it--it was traumatizing.” She let him pull her back against him, and she buried her face in his chest. “Okay, I’m done talking about it!” She told him, and he squeezed her a little tighter. 

“Thank you for telling me,” Henrik said, and she hummed softly. 

“You’re very important to me.” She mumbled, before pulling back, tilting her face up to his. He kissed her, running his hands up and down her back. She deepened it, leaning forward, and lost her footing on the barstool. She fell off of it, but Henrik caught her, pulling her closer to him as she clattered to her feet. 

“I just can’t stay upright tonight, can I?” She blew out a breath. “Maybe we should go get horizontal.” 

Henrik’s eyebrows practically flew into his hairline, but he wasted no time in pulling her back to his bedroom. “You don’t have to tell me twice,” He said.

\--

El woke up to sunlight streaming in through the slitted blinds, and Henrik’s body pressed up against her back. His arm was tight around her waist, and she struggled slightly against him to get comfortable again. He stirred, cupping his hand on her hip sleepily. 

“Hey,” He mumbled into her hair, and she wiggled her hips against him, smiling to herself when she felt his morning glory against her. 

“Morning. Have anywhere to be?” She asked as she grinded her hips against him slowly. 

“Nope, I’m all yours today.” 

“Oh. I got called in for a lesson.” She told him. He pulled her against him forcefully, pressing his lips against her neck. 

“Then we should make the most of this time,” He whispered. She turned her head to try and look at him. 

“I’m kidding, I’m off today.” She rolled her body just enough so she could meet his lips. “Let’s just stay in bed all day.” 

“Oh, are you sore?” Henrik looked worried all of a sudden, and she laughed softly. 

“No, but I’ll take a massage anyway.” She smirked, and he shot out of bed. He returned a few minutes later with a jar. She stretched before padding off to the bathroom. She hadn’t bothered to put clothes on, and after using the facilities, she checked her body for bruises in the full length mirror hanging on the back of the door. 

It was an old habit, every weekend, even if she hadn’t taken any spills, she would check herself for any damage. This time, there was a big bruise spreading across the top of her knee, and she perked a brow at it, vaguely wondering what she’d run into. 

“El, are you coming?” Henrik called, and she snapped herself out of it, timidly opening the door. “What, you’re shy now?” He teased, and she laughed, stepping out and cocking her hip at him. 

“Like what you see?” She asked, and he bit his lip, letting out a breath through his teeth. 

“Hell yeah.” He waited for her to lay face down on the bed, before rubbing his homemade ointment into her back. She moaned softly into the pillow, her back arching slightly into his hands. “Relax, Freya.” He murmured, kneeling beside her hips as he rolled the tension out of her. She couldn’t stop herself from moaning and keening into the pillow as he kneaded her muscles with a practiced skill. 

“God, it feels incredible.” She shimmied her hips until she was pressing up against him. 

“You really  _ are  _ insatiable.” Henrik tutted, and she rolled onto her back, pulling him on top of her. “No, I’m not complaining,” He said, just before meeting her mouth with his. He reached down between them, walking his fingers down her body until he found her entrance, slick with her desire. 

“Please, Hen,” She breathed, and he just teased his fingers around her entrance as he kissed her neck. “Ugh, I want you so bad,” She mewled, and he just smiled against her throat as he continued his teasing. 

“Patience, älskling,” He said, running his thumb over her cheek before using it to brace himself. She bucked her hips beneath him, begging for more contact. 

“I can’t be patient when you’re teasing me.” She moaned, carding her fingers through his hair. He acquiesced and circled her clit with his thumb, and her body jolted, her eyes sliding shut as her brows furrowed. She could feel his hardness pressing against her thigh, and just that simple touch sent a shockwave of desire through her. “Please?” She caught at his face, and he bent to kiss her again before leaning over and searching for a condom. 

“You know I can’t say no to you.” He breathed, and she bit her lip as she watched him lean back to roll the condom on hastily. 

“You spoil me,” She said, and he positioned her thighs around his waist as he kneeled between them. His breath caught in his throat as he admired her, the way her breathing quickened when he slid his fingers inside of her, the way her eyes rolled back in her head when he rubbed his thumb across her clit, the way she clutched the sheets and squeezed his waist between her thighs. 

He slid into her, breathing a soft sigh of relief as he hilted himself. She reached for him, and once they’d both acclimated, he leaned down to capture her mouth in a kiss as he thrust into her. Her nails raked down his back, and he bit into her neck, before pulling back, concern in his eyes. 

“You don’t want me to leave a mark, do you?” He asked softly, and she laughed softly. 

“Keep it below my collarbone.” She told him, and he nodded dutifully, before moving lower to sink his teeth into her breast. She gasped softly, but held his head there, her body undulating below him. “Harder,” She breathed, and he looked at her in confusion. “All of it.” 

He picked up his pace, while biting just a little bit harder. She was too precious to bruise, but if it was what she wanted, he’d give it to her. There was little he’d refuse to do if she asked it of him. 

She pushed him off of her gently, and he tilted his head. She rolled onto her stomach, and he grinned as he entered her from behind. He pulled her hands behind her, holding on for dear life. She buried her face into the pillow, letting it muffle her moans and gasps. 

“Fuck, El, I’m gonna--” 

“Do it, Henrik, come for me,” She breathed, and he groaned as he did as she told him with a shudder of his hips. 

“But what about you?” He breathed softly, and she hid her blush in the pillow. 

“What about me?” She blinked up at him, and he held up a finger. He cleaned himself up before moving back to her, pulling her hips to the edge of the bed and letting her legs rest on his shoulders as he kneeled before her. “Oh,” She breathed, watching him raptly as he buried his face between her thighs, moving his tongue across her clit slowly at first, but building his speed as her breathing quickened. 

She pushed his hair off of his forehead, and he smiled briefly against her, before moving in earnest to push her over the edge. She buried her hands in his hair, tugging fiercely as she finished. “Holy shit,” She breathed, and Henrik pulled away reluctantly. 

She picked up the jar once she’d caught her breath, motioning for him to lay down on the bed. He did, and she returned the favor of a massage, delighting in his moans and gasps. 

“Aw, you’re so vocal, babe,” She teased him, and he snorted softly. 

“So are you.” He retorted, and she dug into a pressure point, eliciting a grunt from him. 

“Ooh, are you alright?” She asked, and he nodded into the pillow. She finished the massage and fell into bed beside him. He pulled her into his arms, sighing softly into her hair. 

“I’m so lucky.” 

“You are,” She said, with a short laugh. “And so am I.” She nestled into him. Her stomach rumbled, and she sighed softly. 

“Come on, I’ll make you breakfast.” He told her, and she grinned. 

“Oh, what a treat!” She rolled over him to pull clothes on. 

\--

By the time El’s lessons at Keystone were finished, it was dark, and she trembled next to her car. Her fingers twitched on her phone, but she pressed the call button next to her brother’s name anyway. 

“Hey, sorry for calling this late, but is there a shot I can crash on your couch?” She asked, and he sighed softly into the phone. 

“I haven’t seen you in almost a year, are you serious right now?” He muttered. 

“Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that...but you know I can’t drive right now.” 

“Alright, I’m heading out now.” He told her, and she breathed a sigh of relief before grabbing her overnight bag and slinging it over her shoulder. She saw her brother walking down the parking lot, a snowboard bag slung over his shoulder. 

“Hey, El.” He called, and she held herself back from rushing to him and crushing him in a hug. “What are you being weird for?” He demanded, and when he closed the gap, he pulled her into a hug. 

“I don’t know, I convinced myself you were furious with me.”   
“Of course not. I’ve just been busy.” 

“You know dad’s sick, yeah?” El asked, and he sighed to himself. 

“Course I do.” He let her go reluctantly. “Come on, it’s freezing out tonight.” He led her to his car, and she tossed her bag in the backseat as he strapped his snowboard to the roof. 

“Cormac.” She fixed him with a stare when he sat in the car, the map lights briefly illuminating their faces. 

“Freya.” He returned. 

“Are you okay? Are you going back?” She asked before she could stop herself. He started the car. 

“Yeah, I’ll be flying back once the season is done. I don’t know how long I’ll be staying. You?” 

“The same.” She nodded. “I’ve already lined up a flat.” 

“Of course you have.” He sighed softly. “Mind if I crash with you?” 

“For a bit, sure. It’s nothing special. I’m sure things will be crowded at the house.” She clutched the edge of her seat, and he noticed it under the streetlights. 

“Hey, we’re almost there.” He reassured her, and she relaxed slightly. 

“I’m sorry for imposing.” 

“No, it’s okay. You can meet my girlfriend.” 

“Girlfriend? Since when?” She grinned at him as he pulled into the parking lot of an apartment building. 

“Oh, god, how long  _ has  _ it been? Nine months, I think.” He shrugged, and eyed her. “You’re not telling me something.” 

“Um. You know Henrik?” 

“Yeah.” He narrowed his eyes at her and she shrunk back into her seat. 

“We’re getting serious, he asked me to be his girlfriend last week.”

“Well, it’s about damn time,” Cormac said, and she perked a brow. 

“What?” She turned in her seat, and he hesitated before shutting the car off. 

“Oh, come on, El. We all knew it was only a matter of time. What happened to finally open your eyes?” He chucked her shoulder, and she blushed. 

“Yeah, he almost died in an avalanche.” Cormac’s eyes widened. “I was uh, starting to realize before then, but that’s what really slapped me and opened my eyes.” 

“Better late than never. Come on, let’s go up.” He got out and grabbed his snowboard bag, and she pulled her bag out of the backseat. 

They were greeted at the door by a wispy redhead who eyed El suspiciously. 

“Hannah, babe, this is my sister, Freya.” 

“El,” El corrected, smiling to herself as her brother kissed his girlfriend on the cheek and she visibly relaxed. 

“It’s very nice to meet you finally!” Hannah told her warmly, and El tugged her into a quick, friendly hug. 

“Likewise.” 

“I’ll fix you a plate, if you’re hungry!” Hannah offered, and El shook her head. 

“Actually, if you don’t mind, I’m exhausted.” 

“The guest room is through there, it’s all yours.” 

“Wow, brother, you’re doing well for yourself.” El grinned, and he rolled his eyes at her. 

“Yeah, so are you.” He grumbled, and she closed herself in the room, peeling off her snow clothes and changing to pajamas. She crawled under the covers of the daybed, pulling them to her chin and sighing. Her phone rang, and she jumped out of bed to grab it out of her purse, realizing she hadn’t told Henrik her plans for the night. He was probably worried. 

“Hey, babe, I’m sorry I forgot to--” 

“Freya,” Henrik’s voice sounded strained. “Blake’s here.” 

“What?” She had sat back down on the bed, but leaped back to her feet. He put the phone on speaker, and she could hear Blake cooing at him in the background. “What the fuck? Henrik?” 

“Where are you, Freya?” He asked quickly, and she sighed softly. 

“I’m in Keystone, staying with my brother--you know why--” 

“Älskling, darling, I’ll come get you,” He said, and she protested immediately. 

“No, babe, don’t, don’t do that. Text Lucas. Keep me on speaker.” She told him urgently. She hated listening to Blake in the background, begging Henrik to reconsider, to give her a chance. Jealousy raged through her body, and she wished she hadn’t gone to Keystone, had been able to conquer her overwhelming anxiety and drive home. 

“Why are you on the phone? Come here, babe,” El could hear Blake say, and she nearly lost her cool. 

“Did you text Lucas yet?” El asked, shooting out a text to him of her own.  _ Blake’s at Henrik’s, get your ass there now, stuck @ keystone.  _

“Yeah, he’s on his way,” Henrik told her. “Freya, I’m sorry, she pushed past me and won’t leave, maybe I should have tried harder to--” 

“Henrik, no, it’s not your fault. Where are you?” She asked, and he paused. 

“I locked myself in the bathroom.” 

“Just take deep breaths. I’m so sorry I couldn’t get home tonight, I would if--” 

“No, Freya, it’s not your fault, either.” He reassured her. “I’m just glad you’re somewhere safe. That’s all I care about right now.” 

“Yeah, and keeping Blake away from you.” 

He snorted a soft laugh, before going silent. 

“Henny? Henny, are you alright?” 

“Yeah, she’s trying to open the door.” He told her. 

“Oh my god, why doesn’t she give up?” 

“Lucas should be here soon,” He said. 

“Good.” El paused, listening for a second. “Why won’t she give up, Henrik? It’s always something, isn’t it?” She sighed, and Henrik scoffed. 

“We can talk about that later, alright?” El felt panic like shards of glass being driven through her chest. 

“I don’t like that,” She said, and he sighed softly. 

“Yeah, I don’t either. You’re the only girl for me.” She felt the panic ease slightly, but knew then that sleep would be hard won. 

“Henrik, I know, I know.” 

“No, really,” He said, and she heard Blake’s unhappy shriek somewhere behind him. “Let me out of the bathroom, Blake. No, don’t touch me.” Henrik raised his voice. “I’m serious, don’t touch me.” 

“Henrik, it’s okay.” 

“No, it’s not. I don’t want her touching me!” He practically shouted, and she covered her eyes, hugging a pillow to her chest. 

“Is Lucas there yet?” She asked. 

“He just pulled in.” He told her. “Please talk to me for a minute,” He said, and she smiled softly. 

“What’s Lucas doing?” She asked. 

“Yeah, he’s sitting with Blake at the table. I’m yours.” 

“I’ll be home in the morning, I’ll come see you first thing, alright? I miss you,” She breathed, and he sighed softly.

“I miss you too. Isn’t that silly? We see each other like every day.” 

“It’s not silly.” She laughed softly. “You should probably talk to Blake, babe. Set things straight. Get her off your back.” She sighed. 

“You’re right, I’d rather talk to you, though.” 

El smiled to herself, shaking her head at the phone. “Yeah, I know. But you’ve got to, alright? Lucas is there, he’ll help you out.” 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” He said. “I love you.” 

“Love you too, Meatball. See you soon.” She hesitated before clicking off the line and cradling her phone to her chest. She covered her face, flicking tears off of her cheeks. She hadn’t even realized she’d been crying. She padded into the kitchen, where Hannah and Cormac were cleaning dishes. 

“Hey,” El said, and Cormac turned around. 

“Are you alright?” He asked. 

“Oh, did you hear that? I’m sorry.” 

“It’s alright, we didn’t listen in.” He told her, and offered his arms to her. She folded into them, letting him hug her.

“Yeah, I’m alright. I’m alright. I guess I’m hungry, though.” 

“Oh!” Hannah turned, and pulled a plate out of the oven. “I went ahead and fixed you a plate just in case, here!” She smiled, and El couldn’t help but return it. “I’ll leave you two to chat, alright?” 

After El had filled him in, he tutted, shaking his head. 

“What an idiot.” He muttered, and El frowned. “Henrik, I mean. Well, both of you, really.” He tutted again, and El pouted at him. 

“Hey!” She protested, and he laughed. 

“I’m not wrong. You figured it out, and got together  _ finally, _ but he needs to figure out how to get her off his back.” 

“Maybe he should file a restraining order, I don’t know.” El rolled her eyes. “She bought a snowboarding lesson from me.” 

“Jesus.” Cormac whistled. “You’re tough, you two will get through this.” 

“Hey, thanks for taking me in tonight. I’m sorry for disappearing on you.” 

“Oh, it’s nothing, it’s what you do.” He waved his hand dismissively. “Next time, don’t go off for a damn year. I missed you.” 

“Oh, you big softie.” She teased, and he stuck his tongue out at her. “Yeah, yeah, I missed you too. You, me, and Henrik will have a blast out there.” 

“He’s coming, too? That’s great!” He smiled, and El hid a blush in her hands. 

“Really? You’re okay with it?” 

“Yeah, I always liked him. Now, go get some rest. I’m kicking you out as soon as the sun rises,” He said, but he was still smiling. 

\--

Henrik sullenly joined Lucas and Blake at the kitchen table. The last thing he wanted to do was share breathing space with the brunette, but he knew if he didn’t have this out, she would never leave him alone. Lucas fixed Henrik with a stern look. 

“Listen, Blake,” Henrik started, and Blake turned to him. 

“I just want a chance at this, with you,” She said. “I really think we’d be good together.” 

“No! We wouldn’t.” Henrik told her. He shot an exasperated look at Lucas. “I don’t understand why you are hanging onto  _ one night. _ It was a mistake. I’m sorry that I got your hopes up, but I’ve had enough.” 

Lucas laid his hand on Henrik’s arm in an attempt to soothe him. 

“Me and El are official, now, and I--” He looked down at his hands, sighing to himself. “Look, this just needs to stop, Blake.” He met her eyes again. “It’s never going to work between us, there’s no chance of it.”

“If you don’t leave him alone, we will file a protective order.” Lucas spoke up, and Blake straightened. 

“What the fuck?” She glared at them both. “No, I know there’s something here, there’s a spark, but El’s in the way.” Blake narrowed her eyes, and Henrik stood so suddenly that his chair clattered to the floor. 

“No.” He practically growled the word. “I have loved Freya for such a long time. You are the one who is in the way.” 

Blake rolled her eyes and snorted a laugh. “She didn’t love you back until you almost died. Do you really think she could love you better than I can?” 

Henrik threw his hands up in frustration, and Lucas stood up next to him, trying to offer moral support. “No, Blake, I know that she can.” He narrowed his eyes at her. “You need to drop this. It’s never going to happen, you need to move on. You’re only hurting yourself,” Henrik said, and Blake sighed softly, shaking her head slowly. 

“You told me you loved me.” 

“You’re still stuck on what I said when I was so drunk I could barely move?” Henrik tossed his hair over his shoulder. “You took advantage of me that night.” 

“What? No!” Her eyes widened. “I didn’t.” 

“You knew I was upset, and drunk. You knew I wouldn’t say no, for a change.” He cringed. “I shouldn’t have said yes, I shouldn’t have said the things I did, and I can’t take it back, but I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry I hurt you, but you need to let it go.” 

“You sounded like you meant it,” Blake said, looking deflated as she sunk in the chair. 

“I understand, but I need you to understand that I was vulnerable, and hurting, and--I just need you to leave me alone.” Henrik hugged himself, and Lucas kept a hand on his back. “Can you do that, or do I need to uh…” He looked to Lucas helplessly. 

“Do we need to get the law involved?” Lucas finished for him, and Henrik smiled gratefully. 

“No.” Blake got out of her chair, her arms folded across her chest. “I don’t regret anything, but I am sorry for the way I acted that night. I’ll buy you a new lamp.” She told him, and he rolled his eyes. 

“Please don’t bother.” He shook his head. “We will, uh, get the law involved, if you don’t leave me alone.” 

“Is El really not coming home tonight?” Blake asked suddenly, and Henrik scowled at her. 

“Just get the fuck out of my house already.” He growled, and she yelped in surprise but finally left, and Henrik sank back into his couch. Lucas sat beside him, and for a while, they sat in silence. 

“Fuck.” Henrik broke the silence, and Lucas nodded. 

“That was intense, mate.” 

“I never meant any of this to happen.” Henrik groaned. “If I’d never called it quits with Freya…” 

“Yeah, I know, Henrik, but you can’t go thinking like that. You’ve got her now, and Blake would have kept trying, no matter your status with El.” 

“I know you’re right, but it’s eating me alive.” 

Lucas pulled Henrik into a hug, and the blond sighed softly but melted into it, relieved that his best friend was even there. “You’ll be alright. I’ll crash on your couch if that helps.” 

“Really? It would help so much.” Henrik brightened. “I appreciate you.” 

“I’ll be here to stop her if she comes back.” Lucas grinned. “What are friends for, anyway?” He ruffled Henrik’s hair affectionately. The blond stifled a yawn, before another one overwhelmed him. “Maybe you should get some rest.” 

“You’re right.” 

\--

El unlocked Henrik’s door, and as soon as she walked through it, she was met with the sight of Lucas, fast asleep on his couch. She smiled to herself, sliding off her boots and tiptoeing into Henrik’s room, almost nervously. The thought that Blake was somehow in his bed with him held her heart in a vice grip, but she tried to banish it. 

She pushed his cracked door the rest of the way open, throwing her outerwear onto a chair before crawling into bed next to him. She ran her hand over his chest, and Henrik mumbled sleepily. 

“No, stop, I have a girlfriend.” 

El snorted, before planting a kiss on his cheek and whispering. “Henrik, it’s me. Your girlfriend.” His eyes snapped open and he took her in. 

“Oh, thank goodness,” He breathed. “I was having the worst dream.” 

“Did you set things straight, then?” 

“I hope so.” He smiled as she relaxed, resting her head on his chest. “I’m glad you’re back.” 

“Yeah.” She sighed softly. “You had me worried. I thought--” 

Henrik picked up on what she was trying to say, and lifted his hand to her cheek, stroking delicately. “It was a one time thing. She took advantage of me.” He frowned, chewing on his lip. “I guess she’s just had this crush for so long that--she had a hard time getting over it, especially after one time like that, together.” 

“And dropping the L bomb on her.” 

“Honestly, I was so drunk that I didn’t think it was her.” He shook his head. “I might have called her by your name, too.” He joked, and El sat up, folding her arms. 

“That’s not funny.” 

“I’m...I’m not actually joking.” He frowned, and she rolled her eyes at him. 

“God, you’re such a bastard.” She shook her head. “I can’t believe I’m dating such a monster.” She laughed, and he pouted at her. 

“I’m not that bad, am I?” 

“No, you’re very good. You just do stupid things sometimes.” She fell back into his arms, sighing softly. “I still cannot believe you went into the backcountry with Jo and Rocco. None of you idiots had avalanche training.”   
“Jo said she did!” Henrik protested. 

“You know that the danger was considerable that day, don’t you? Or did you forget to check?” 

“I honestly didn’t care what happened to me until you gave me the airbag.” He admitted. “I felt really low about losing you, and I didn’t know how to handle it other than hitting self destruct.” 

“Thank you for telling me this, but...next time--” 

“Next time?” Henrik gasped. “I don’t want there to be a next time!” 

“I’m not the only thing in this world that can upset you, Meatball!” She laughed softly. “Next time, you should talk to someone. Maybe me, maybe Salsa. Or Lucas.” She lifted her head up, brushing her lips against his. 

“I did talk to Lucas, the night before.” He frowned. “It doesn’t matter now, does it?” He pouted. 

“Not really, I guess. I just wanted to give you shit about almost dying.” She stuck her tongue out at him, and he just pouted harder until she relented and kissed him. He deepened the kiss, wrapping her up in his arms, relieved at the weight of her body on top of him. He dug his fingers into the back of her neck, and she whimpered against his mouth at the pressure. 

“Lucas is on the couch,” She said suddenly, and Henrik blushed, but smirked anyway. 

“Then we’ll just have to be very quiet.” He winked, and she rolled her eyes at him. 

“Who’s insatiable now?” She poked her tongue out at him, before rolling off of him and turning her back to him. “Just hold me, alright?” She asked, and Henrik pulled her against him, his lips pressed to her neck passively. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why is this chapter so long  
> why are el and henrik so got dang horny  
> i CANT GET HTEM TO STOP
> 
> anyway this is long and cheesy and you may be thinking that "awww those crazy kids finally figured it out this will be over soon" but guess what!!! You'RE WRONG HAHAHA 
> 
> feedback in the form of yelling at me to finish roadside honey is strongly encouraged ;P


	11. Northstar (blue)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm being productive, pls clap.  
> these two are frustrating me but it's okay because god DAMN they're the cutest aren't they?  
> anyway buckle up because pain is coming, probably. eventually.  
> feedback always appreciated

They woke up to Lucas peering in on them, and El tossed a pillow at him. “What are you doing?” She demanded, and he laughed. 

“I was going to order brunch if you two are hungry.” 

“We can cook!” Henrik exclaimed, and Lucas shook his head. 

“No, no, just relax.” Lucas told him with a smile. “It’s on me. You two just stay in bed.” He gave them a knowing look, and El turned and hid her face in Henrik’s chest. 

“What are you trying to say?” She called, her voice muffled, but Lucas had already shut the door. 

“We totally have time for a quickie.” Henrik told her with a wink. She slapped his chest lightly, snorting and shaking her head. “Aw, come on, Freya, please?” He pouted, and she rolled her eyes at him, but rolled on top of him anyway. 

“Lucas is probably listening right outside the door.” 

“Let him.” Henrik grinned, reaching up to pull her face down to his. 

“Henrik!” She squealed as his fingers rolled down her sides, digging into her hips. She rocked them against him as she moved to straddle him. “We really shouldn’t.” She murmured, brushing her lips against his. 

“Are you really going to tell me no?” Henrik pouted again, and she stuck her tongue out at him. 

“That depends, will you cry if I say no?” 

“Yes.” 

“Then yes, I’m going to tell you no.” She laughed softly, rolling off of him and onto her back. He sniffled beside her before breaking into dramatic fake sobs. He covered his face with a pillow, and she snorted with laughter. Lucas threw the door open, a concerned look on his face. 

“Did you make him cry?” He demanded of El, who was still laughing helplessly beside him. She curled up in a ball, tears beginning to roll down her face. Henrik pretended to cry even harder. 

“Do you see how she laughs at me?” He asked between fake sobs, and Lucas stood in the doorway, looking between the two of them suspiciously. 

“I’m interrupting something weird, aren’t I?” Lucas narrowed his eyes. El snorted again, and Henrik dissolved into laughter along with her.

“Yeah, we were about to have a quickie,” Henrik said, and El sat up. 

“Shut up!” She protested, and Lucas just shook his head. 

“I just came in to tell you that the food is almost here,” Lucas said. El straightened, tilting her head at him. 

“I’m listening.” 

“Make yourselves decent.” Lucas chided, but he was smiling. She tossed herself out of bed, riffling through Henrik’s drawers to find a pair of sweatpants and a beat up t-shirt. He tilted his head at her, opening his mouth to say something. She tossed the clothes at him, landing them right over his eyes. 

“What the--” 

El bit her lip at him, leaning against the dresser. “Just put the damn pants on.” 

He dragged himself out of bed and got dressed, grumbling the whole time. 

“Oh, stop it, you,” El said, fighting back a smile. She moved across the room to him, slipping her arms around his waist. 

“I just want you all to myself.” He leaned forward, and she tapped her index finger on his nose. 

“You’re just gonna have to wait.” She shook her hips at him teasingly just before she dashed out of the room. 

\--

Henrik trembled gently as he held El’s hands in his, standing at the terminal, her luggage beside her. They’d spent weeks packing, shipping, and selling, and they were both exhausted. She looked up into his eyes, tears glimmering in hers. 

“Security’s gonna come yell at you any minute, you’d better hurry it up,” She said, but her voice was shaky. Henrik only squeezed her hands tighter. 

“I am going to miss you,” He said. His voice was weighted with sadness, and she dropped his hands and threw her arms around his neck, pressing her lips to his fervently. 

“Yes, well, I’m not the one who booked his flight a week later,” She teased him. “And I’m sure that Sweden misses you very much.” 

“Not as much as I’ll miss you.” 

“Shut up.” She laughed, shaking her head. “You should have warned me about being this cheesy, I’m lactose intolerant.” 

He gave her a confused look, and she laughed again. “Never mind.” She planted another kiss on his lips before pulling away and picking up the handle of her suitcase. “I’m going to miss my flight.” She told him, fixing him with a mournful look. “I’ll be missing you, too.” She turned to walk away, and he caught at her hand. 

“Hey,” He breathed, and she paused, looking back at him. “I love you.” 

“Oh, Henrik,” She sighed, a smile tugging her lips. “I love you, too.” She forced herself to pull away, shaking her head. “I’ll really miss my flight.” She protested, and he nodded, wringing his hands to keep from following her. She threw a grin over her shoulder, before ducking her head and walking faster. 

He watched until she disappeared, before rushing back to the car. He slid into the passenger seat, hiding his face from Lucas. The older man smiled knowingly, before reaching over to squeeze Henrik’s shoulder. 

“Hey. You’re going to see her again soon.” 

“It just happened so fast, I’m still kind of just reeling.” Henrik’s voice hitched, and he sobbed quietly into his hands. Lucas reached over to squeeze his friend’s thigh affectionately. 

“Just think, in a week, you’ll be with your family. I know you’ve been homesick lately.” 

“I need a drink.” Henrik sighed, covering his eyes briefly before reaching into his coat.

“You can’t--” Lucas glanced over, groaning softly when Henrik pulled out a flask and drank deeply from it. 

“Past Henrik knew things.” He grinned, and Lucas smacked his forehead lightly. They drove in a comfortable silence for a while, Henrik occasionally taking a swig from his flask. “Thank you for driving us,” Henrik said, and Lucas shrugged. 

“I knew you’d be crying too hard to make it out of the terminal.” Lucas replied nonchalantly, and Henrik laughed softly before hiccuping, and then weeping again. “Henrik, mate, cut it out.” 

“I’m sorry, Lucas.” Henrik sniffled, wiping at his eyes. “I don’t know why I’m so emotional.” 

“It’s alright, Henrik, I understand,” Lucas said. “Would stopping at IKEA make you feel better?” 

“No.” Henrik pouted, before sighing softly. “Yeah, maybe.” 

  
  


\--

Henrik lost his first two weeks back in Sweden to a blur of aquavit and lutefisk. He couldn’t keep his mouth shut about  _ his Freya  _ and how much he couldn’t wait for them to meet her. 

He finally sobered up the night before his flight to Glasgow, and he found himself sitting at his mother’s kitchen table, drinking water as fast as his body would allow. 

“They won’t approve of me living in Glasgow,” He said finally, and she frowned. 

“Well, why not?” She asked, and he shrugged. 

“They won’t give me a real reason.” 

“You’ll find a way, and if not, I suppose your Freya will understand.” 

Henrik sighed, bowing his head. “I hope so, but--you know, she is going through a lot. I don’t know if she will.” 

“Your worry is giving a small thing a big shadow,” She said, before wrapping him in a comforting hug. “It will all work out.” 

He took comfort in her words, even if he was fearful of what it might be like in Glasgow, or how El might be coping (or not coping). 

“Try not to worry, okay?” She ruffled his hair affectionately before planting a kiss to his temple. “Get some rest.” 

\--

El rushed to the airport, muttering choice words under her breath. Of all the things she could have been late for that day, picking up Henrik from the airport was the last one she needed to be late for. She imagined him shivering on a bench outside the terminal, picking at his frayed jeans,(he always ended up with a hole in the knee) buttoning and unbuttoning his coat, checking his phone every five minutes, before finally folding his hands in his lap and resting his feet on his luggage. 

She wasn’t surprised when that was exactly the scene that greeted her. She sighed softly, throwing the car in park and rushing out to meet him. 

“Henny!” She threw her arms around his neck, and he chuckled softly, holding her firmly against him. 

“You took your time.” He teased her, and she sighed dramatically. 

“I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to.” 

“I was so cold, Freya.” Henrik pouted, and she snorted softly. 

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise!” She told him, and he smiled slowly, pulling her closer and dropping his mouth to hers in a searing kiss. 

“I missed you,” He breathed, and she giggled softly. 

“Come on, we should go.” She nodded to her car, helping him put his luggage in the boot.

“I can’t wait to see the flat!” He told her, and she blushed slightly.

“We’ve got to go back to my parents’ house first, I hope that’s alright.” 

“Of course! I’m sure you’ve been busy.” Henrik reached over to grab her hand as she drove them away from the airport. He tensed up slightly, remembering suddenly what he needed to tell her. She noticed, shooting him a look at a stop. 

“Are you okay?” She asked softly, and he nodded slowly. 

“Yeah, I just got some bad news, and I don’t know how to tell you.” His face fell, and she squeezed his hand reassuringly. He bit the inside of his cheek, steadying his resolve. “I can’t get approval to live in Scotland. It’s something to do with my dual citizenship, or something getting blocked along the way, but I’ll spend as much time with you out here as I can, alright?” 

Her chin quivered and she took a deep, steadying breath, but she didn’t drop his hand. He squeezed, and she blew out a breath. 

“I--I guess I can deal with it.” She blinked tears away, and Henrik felt like he was crumbling. 

“I’m sorry, maybe I should have waited to tell you.” 

“No, it would have stung no matter when you told me,” She said softly, her voice wavering just slightly. “It’s just--the prognosis for my father--it’s really not good. It could be less than a month.” She pulled into a driveway after a while, and they sat in the car quietly for a time. 

“Freya, are  _ you _ okay?” He turned to her, finally, tilting her face toward him gently by her chin. She drew in a raspy breath, and he realized suddenly that her voice was hoarse from tears, and he pulled her against him. She cried softly into his coat, her fingers clinging to the material around his waist for dear life. He rubbed circles into her back with his fingertips, trying to soothe her when his words were failing him. 

“I’ll be fine,” She said finally, her breath hitching as she tried to compose herself. “It’s hard.” 

“You’ve already dealt with so much in your life,” Henrik said, his voice quiet, unimposing. “I’m here.” 

“Thank you, Hen,” She breathed, pulling away slightly to look at him. He brushed a tear off of her cheek, before leaning in to plant an adoring kiss on her forehead. 

“Don’t thank me for doing the bare minimum, Freya,” He chided her, and she laughed despite herself. “We should go in.” 

After a few hours of introductions and catching up, El said her goodbyes. 

“I’ll be staying with a friend tonight, Freya,” Cormac said, throwing her a meaningful look, and she laughed softly, rolling her eyes at him. 

“Oh, shut up.” 

“There’s no shame!” He told her, ushering her out the front door. “I’ll make sure everything’s good here.” 

El drove Henrik back to her flat, and he dragged his luggage along behind him. “It’s nice,” He said, after she gave him the full tour. “It’s very you.” Her face fell, and he caught her in his arms, pulling her against him. “What’s wrong?” 

“I just...I guess I’m overwhelmed, I don’t really want to think about it all right now.” She tilted her face up, slipping her arms around his waist. He bent down to kiss her, burying one hand in her hair. 

“I missed you,” He breathed when he pulled away, and she buried her face in his chest, tightening her arms around him. 

“I missed you, too.” She hesitated for a moment. “How long can you stay?” 

“A week. I’ve been booked for some expeditions back home.” He looked sheepish when she glanced up at him. “I’d rather stay with you.” 

“I--” Her voice wavered slightly, and she shook her head. “I’m sure I’ll be fine.” She slipped her hands to his belt buckle, undoing it before teasing her fingers along his waistband. “We’ve got the place to ourselves,” She breathed, and he tilted her face back up so he could press a searing kiss to her lips. She whimpered slightly when he pulled away for air, biting her lip when he began to undress. 

She pulled him by the wrist to her bedroom, shutting the door before pulling her clothes off hastily as Henrik mirrored her. His breath caught in his throat at the sight of her naked body, and he moved to her, falling to his knees before her. “Henny, what are you--ohhh,” She breathed as his tongue sought out her most sensitive bundle of nerves. He held her by the hips, keeping her steady as he pulled her clit into his mouth, sucking lightly. 

El pulled his head up, impatient for more, and he planted kisses on her stomach before getting to his feet and pushing her back on the bed. She reached into her bedside table, coming up with a condom, and he bit back a sigh before diligently rolling it on.

She pushed him onto his back, straddling him and positioning him at her entrance, slowly moving down until he was hilted. Her hips moved tantalizingly slow as she ground on him, every movement sending waves of pleasure through her body. He reached down to run circles around her clit with his thumb.

“You feel incredible, El,” Henrik breathed, trying to keep his composure below her. “This gets better every time.”

“Yeah,” She leaned forward, brushing her lips against his before arching her back to let him have a faceful of her breasts. He looped his free arm around her, thrusting up into her to match her pace. “God, it feels amazing,” She breathed, shoving her arms around his neck as she kissed him furiously, their hips working in tandem, his hand smashed between them as he still tried to add stimulation.

He flipped her over, somehow staying inside of her, and laid a path of kisses down her throat as he continued thrusting, his thumb still working her clit, a little more frantically as he tried to drive her to her climax. 

El cried out suddenly, her body tensing before relaxing below him, and she murmured sweet nothings into his throat as he chased his own climax, cupping a breast out of habit. He groaned as his hips stuttered and slowed, and she caressed his cheek tenderly, her eyes filled with adoration. 

\--

Henrik and El sat at a cozy cafe, sipping warm coffee and laughing. Bobby and Chelsea sat down, and El leaned closer to Henrik, grateful for his strong hand in hers. 

“You two are so cute together!” Chelsea exclaimed, before laying a gentle hand on Bobby’s arm. His face was strangely neutral, and El couldn’t decipher it. Was it good or bad? Was it too soon for them to try and be friends? 

“Yeah, they are.” He replied simply, staring into his coffee. 

“Look, I’m--I’m sorry,” El said. “If it’s too soon--” 

“Not at all.” Bobby looked up and smiled. “I’m okay.” 

“El, come with me to the girls’ room.” Chelsea told her rather than asked, linking elbows with her. Once safe inside, she turned to El. “You know, I like you, right?” She frowned, but it just made her look cute. “But you really did Bobby dirty, babe.” 

“I know.” El sighed. “I was honest with him, but I--I shouldn’t have done all of that. Believe me, I still feel awful about it.” 

“He’s really fine, now, I just wanted to hear it from you, I guess.” Chelsea tapped her cheek thoughtfully. “He’s a good lad, he deserves the best,” She said, looking away. “But you and Henrik do look cute together.”

“Yeah, we...made it official!” El smiled, but Chelsea frowned lightly. 

“What’s up?” 

“Oh--I--he can’t move to Scotland to be with me.” El tried not to let her face crumple, tried not to let it bother her, but a few tears sprung free anyway. “Ugh. I shouldn’t be this upset over it.” 

“Did he say he would? Are you okay?” Chelsea didn’t wait for an answer, she pulled El into her arms, squeezing her tightly. 

“Yeah, he did. I’m--I’m coping, I guess.” El sniffled, relaxing in Chelsea’s arms. “We should probably go before they start to worry about us.” 

“Oh! You’re right.” She pouted. “But--I’ll be here a lot, I’m moving in with Bobby. So if you don’t call me to hang out, I’ll come knock down your door.” Chelsea threatened, and El laughed, nodding as they left the bathroom. 

“Good, I could use a friend like you.” El told her, and Chelsea squeezed her shoulder happily. 

Henrik and Bobby sat in silence when they returned to the table, and El inched closer to the blond, threading her fingers through his. 

“Are you alright?” She asked softly, and he smiled at her. 

“Of course I am.” He squeezed her hand, and she felt herself melting just a little. “Why, are you?” 

“I’m a little tired, maybe. It’s been a hard week.” She blinked, and Henrik dropped her hand to throw his arm around her. She caught a strange look flit across Bobby’s face, and a sudden flash of guilt tore through her. A part of her wished she hadn’t gone running to his arms when Henrik had pushed her away, but wasn’t what was important that she had ended up with who she was supposed to? People got hurt all the time in these situations, she couldn’t have made a move without hurting one or the other. 

When she looked at Henrik, she saw home, she saw comfort, and she felt like she was where she was meant to be. Bobby had been a winter romance, something selfish she used to dull the pain. She lost herself in small talk, wondering if meeting up with them had been a mistake. She promised to grab a girl’s brunch with Chelsea before she left with Henrik, a feeling of dread washing over her at the thought that eventually, she would have it out with Bobby. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Henrik asked once they were alone in the street, and she pursed her lips. 

“Yeah, I don’t know. Maybe? It’s all been a lot,” She said, clinging to him. “I’m going to have to have some hard conversations later on.” 

“That’s only fair,” Henrik said, and she stiffened slightly. He winced. “I--that’s not what you need to hear right now. I’m sorry.” He pulled her closer, walking slowly toward her flat. 

“I’m just dreading it. I don’t--we’ve both made some mistakes, haven’t we?” She sighed softly, pressing closer to him. “I don’t want to think about it. There’s so much else going on.” They paused in the street for a moment. 

“So let’s talk about something else. Like where I’ll take you in the summer.” He smiled slowly, cautiously, and she traced the hollow of his cheek with her fingertip. 

“Oh, up a mountain, surely?” She teased, and he laughed, shaking his head. 

“I was thinking something we haven’t done. Maybe the Maldives, Bora Bora,” He said, taking her hand and continuing to walk. “I think after all of this, a lazy beach vacation would suit us, don’t you?” 

“Mm, yes, it would be a nice change. But what if I go to Zermatt? Summer competitions and that.” 

“You’ll still need a week or two off, won’t you?” He squeezed her hand as they stopped at her building. “I wouldn’t want you getting burned out or anything.” 

She snorted softly as she unlocked the door. “Me? Get burned out on snowboarding? Henrik, please.” 

“I know. But you’ve got to take a break at some point, anyway.” 

“Well,” She said, slipping her arms around him once the door was shut and locked behind them. “If you’re paying for it, how can I say no?” She teased, kissing him gently. 

“I’ll get Lucas to pay for it.” He whispered into her mouth, and she laughed. 

“I’m holding you to it. Tropical vacation over the summer.” She twisted out of his arms, scampering off to the kitchen and pouring herself a glass of water. “You’ll probably take us to Hawaii so you can climb a volcano,” She said, and he laughed. 

“No, we’re going to sit in the sun and get great tans while beautiful people bring us drinks in like, coconuts or something.” 

“Oh, now, if you back out, I’m going to be truly disappointed, Hen. Like, devastated, honestly.” El pouted, and he sidled up to her, coiling an arm around her waist. 

“Then I won’t. I’ll start planning it this instant.” 

“Absolutely not.” She set the glass on the counter and turned to him, flattening one hand on the back of his neck as she kissed him passionately. “You’re here with me, you can do your planning--” He interrupted her with another kiss. “When you’re--” And another one. “In a tent on a mountain!” She broke away from him, picking up the glass and bringing it to her lips. 

Just then, her brother came out of the second bedroom, rubbing his eyes. “Oh, Cormy!” El laughed, shaking her head. “I forgot you were home.” 

“Just took a quick nap. I’m going to head over to mum’s.” He brushed his hair off of his forehead. “He’s had a good week, I think us being here has really cheered him up.” He glanced over at Henrik. “And he actually likes this one, El.” 

El ducked her head to cover a blush, but she was pleased. Her father wasn’t always the easiest person to get along with (except when it came to his family, who he’d always adored) and the fact that he liked Henrik warmed her through. 

“Thanks for telling me, Cormy,” She said, and he shrugged. 

“We can chat later, I’ve got to run.” 

The door clicked shut, and El finally looked up at Henrik, who was blushing furiously. 

“It’s a good thing that he likes you, Henrik. He’s never really liked anyone I’ve dated.” 

“He just wants the best for you, Freya,” Henrik breathed. Her throat tightened and she blinked back a few tears before nodding. 

“God, I’m just, I'm gonna miss him, that’s all. This really sucks,” She let out a breath, and Henrik pulled her closer, smoothing her hair back soothingly. 

“I’m here, okay?” 

“But you won’t always be. Everything has an end, doesn’t it?” She hid her face in his chest, and by the tremors of her body, he knew that she was crying as quietly as she could muster. The hitches in her breathing and the sniffles as she tried desperately to compose herself had him nearly in tears right along with her. Every sob and whimper was a stab of pain through his chest. 

“Freya, if you need me, I am only a flight away. Or you can call me, or facetime me--I’m always going to make time for you, all you have to do is ask.” 

Her breath hitched again, and he held her even tighter, if it was possible. She took deep breaths, and he could feel that she was settling down. 

“This was never going to be easy, you know? Even though we know and have time to say our goodbyes, it’s never just as simple as ‘Goodbye, I love you, I’ll miss you!’ Someone’s heart always has to break.” She pulled away, searching for a tissue to wipe her tears away with. 

“I don’t have the right words, Freya, you know this, but I--I want to be here for you.” 

“Then just do it, okay? Don’t go back to Sweden. Don’t leave me.” 

“It’s not that simple, I don’t want to go. I’ll--I’ll push back the trip.” He offered, and she huffed softly, blowing her nose. 

“I’m being selfish, aren’t I? Don’t derail your plans just because I’m miserable. You deserve to go and do the things you love, too.” 

“I’ll try and stay for at least another week, I’ll make the call in the morning,” He said, shuffling closer to her, cautiously putting an arm around her. She melted into him, resting her head on his chest. 

“I don’t want to fight.” 

“We’re not fighting, are we?” Henrik frowned, and she couldn’t help but smile at him. 

“No, I don’t think so.” She ran her fingers through his hair, gently detangling it from where the wind had made knots under his hat. “But we could have started. I’m not really thinking straight right now, but I do know that I don’t want you to go.” 

He just sighed sadly, running his hands soothingly up and down her back. He would try and compose a plan when he started making his phone calls, and maybe when he came back from the expedition, he could just stay for a month or more. He hoped so, because seeing El cry hurt him more than he thought possible. He just wanted to save her from all of the things that hurt her, especially if one of those things was himself. 


	12. Forget-Me-Not (black diamond)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***drops and runs*** 
> 
> gratuitous smut, as per.

  
  


El’s voice wavered over the phone, and Henrik knew without asking what had happened. “Henrik, I need you to get here as soon as you can,” She said, and he was instantly scrambling for a flight, begging his brother to drive him to Gothenburg as quickly as he could. He only felt slightly calmed down when he was seated on the plane, staring out the window as he raced to Glasgow. 

_ “Freya, I’m so sorry,” He had said, and he could hear her choking back sobs.  _

_ “Just get here, alright?”  _

The flight seemed to take days instead of hours, and he fidgeted with anything he could get his hands on, just to keep his mind off of the impending funeral. All of the things Freya didn’t want to deal with, didn’t want to speak of, and never thought she would have to deal with. 

He practically sprinted to the taxi stand, his luggage banging against his heels. He found a cab, flung his things in it, and raced to El’s flat, where he found her crumpled on the floor behind her sofa. He let his bag fall to the floor as he gently scooped her into his arms, and she clung to him as the dams broke and she wept softly. 

“Freya, I’m here, I’m here,” He whispered soothingly into her hair, and she wept for a while, clinging to him as if for life. “I’m so sorry, words can’t--” 

“Henrik, please,” She sobbed, tightening her arms around him. “Shut up,” She said, her voice hitching. He ran his hands down her back instead, burying his face in his hair. 

“I missed you so much,” He breathed, and she pulled back suddenly, hesitating just a moment before pressing her lips to his, kissing him furiously. She fisted her hands in his hair, rolling her body against him. 

“Freya, are you sure?” Henrik fixed her with a concerned look. “We--I--” He stammered, and she grabbed him by the hand, leading him to her bedroom. 

“Henrik, I’m sure.” She shut the door behind them, threading her arms around his neck. “This is what I need right now,” She breathed as she curled her fingers around his waistband, pulling him closer to her as she brought her lips to his again. 

He couldn’t help it that he was straining for her, that all he wanted to do in that moment was let her throw him on the bed and have her way with him. “But you’ve been crying,” He said weakly, and she ran her thumb over his cheek gently, before bringing her lips back to his. 

“We cry all the time, Henny,” She said, successfully undoing his trousers and slipping her hand beyond the elastic of his underwear. She curved her hand around him, and he gasped softly. 

“Freya, please,” He breathed, his hips rocking forward involuntarily as she pumped him, her eyes half lidded. “I need a shower,” He said halfheartedly, and she let out a soft breath before flicking her eyes up to his. 

“You don’t.” She reassured him, and he nodded, mesmerized by the look in her eyes. He slipped one hand to her hip, squeezing gently, pulling her closer even as he shimmied out of his trousers. She pushed him onto the bed and straddled him, rolling her hips against him as she bent to kiss him passionately, until they were both breathless. 

“Oh, you drive me wild,” He moaned, and she kept rocking against him, the sensation of his hard cock rubbing against her clit driving her mad. Her breath came in gasps, and he quietly flipped her onto her back, moving down the length of her body. He hooked his fingers on the waistband of her pants, pulling them down so he could gain access to her. 

He buried his face between her thighs happily, and as he sucked her clit between his lips, he reveled in her moans of pleasure. It was like the purest symphony to him. Her body tensed and she finished with a loud puff of breath, her thighs squeezing deliciously against his face. 

He crawled back into bed until he was lying on his side next to her. Even as she caught her breath, she leaned over, reaching down to take him in her hand. 

“Freya--you don’t--” She silenced him with a kiss as she pumped him, and he groaned softly. “You’re so good to me,” He breathed, and she moved to straddle his stomach as she reached behind her to continue her motions. 

“We’re out of condoms,” She said, and Henrik pouted slightly below her. “But…” She leaned forward slightly, cupping his cheek with her free hand. “I’ve gone on birth control.” 

“Seriously?” Henrik’s eyes widened, and she couldn’t help laughing softly, almost nervously, at his reaction. 

“Seriously.” She shimmied her hips down until she was again grinding her clit against his cock, and he was moaning, his breath quickly shortening to gasps and soft moans. She was slick with desire, and just the right motion of her hips had him inside of her, both of them sighing relief as she dropped down to the base. 

“You feel amazing,” He breathed, and she could only moan in response as his hips thrust in time with hers, sending pleasure coursing through her body. She slid her hands under his shirt, enjoying the stability it gave her as they rocked against each other. 

“Oh shit,” She moaned as his fingers found her clit, her body practically vibrating with pleasure. She caught his gaze as she ran her fingers through his hair, trembling slightly at the look in his half lidded eyes. She leaned down to kiss him, only breaking away so that they could breathe and moan against each other’s lips. She laid kisses all over his face even as she rode him, every so often releasing a moan or a sigh against his skin. 

He wrapped his arms around her, bringing her down until she was skin to skin, her stomach pressed against his as he thrust into her, alternating bites and kisses on her throat. She moved his face aside as she strained so that she could kiss him again. She needed every bit of closeness she could muster, every bit of skin to skin contact, every hint that these moments were for the two of them alone. 

She rolled off of him lazily, coaxing him to climb atop her. He re-entered her, thrusting into her slowly, rubbing her stomach lazily with one hand as he kissed her. He moved his hands to cup her face, pulling back every so often to catch his breath or moan. She held onto him tightly, trying to get even closer. 

“Feels...so...good,” She breathed into his mouth, and he kissed her again and again, until he finished with a soft moan. 

“Ohh,” He gasped softly, managing to roll off of her before collapsing in bed next to her. She pushed him out of the bed gently, huffing. 

“Go clean up.” She laughed, and he disappeared into the bathroom, coming back and pulling on his underwear. She pulled him back into bed, and he held her, smoothing her hair off of her face. 

“I really missed you,” He breathed, and she murmured softly, resting her head on his chest, which rose and fell with his breaths. 

“Mm, me too,” She mumbled, and he smiled to himself as her breathing slowed. He ran his hand down her back trying to make sure she stayed asleep, even if for just a few minutes. He knew she would have been running herself ragged in the final days of her father’s life, even if she hadn’t had to do anything beyond her normal tasks. It was just how she operated, and he wanted to keep her from working herself to the point of collapsing. 

She rolled off of him, still asleep, and he took that opportunity to go and fix her something to eat. The kitchen was fairly empty, he found, and he tutted to himself. El probably hadn’t been eating right while he’d been gone. He made a quick trip to the shop around the corner, hoping she wouldn’t wake up before he returned. 

Luck was on his side, and he had an entire meal cooked by the time she shuffled into the kitchen groggily. “Hey,” she said softly, her voice still husky from sleep. “How long was I out?” 

“Not long.” 

She tilted her head as he plated some food for her. “Long enough for you to run to the shops. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to--” 

“Nonsense, Freya.” He waved his hand dismissively. “It’s no worry.” 

She plopped into a chair, taking the food he offered and picking at it, before catching the concerned expression on his face. She wolfed it down after that. When she set her fork down on the plate, Henrik noticed her hands were trembling. He was out of his seat in an instant, tugging her into his arms. 

“I’ve got you,” He murmured into the top of her head, and she shuddered against him, clinging tightly to his shirt. “We’ll get through this.” 

“It’s just--I’m--I’m still just processing it all. I don’t know, I feel like I’m suffocating. This is so heavy, I just want to leave already. I want to go back to Colorado, or anywhere, just to escape this, but I know I can’t. Not yet.” 

Henrik pulled her tighter against him, sighing softly. He didn’t have the answers, or even the right words to say to her. All he had was the ability to pull her close and listen to her. She let out a sigh, before pushing away. 

“I do have a lot to help out with, but I’ve got tonight off from my responsibilities. I’m supposed to be taking a break, recharge or whatever, I’m not even really sure anymore.” El sighed, kneading her temples. “God, it feels like it was too soon for this.” 

“I know, Freya,” Henrik said. “I wish it hadn’t happened.” 

“I--I’m just glad you’re here.” She looked down at her hands. “You’re keeping me from losing it completely.” 

“Is this a bad time to tell you I have to leave a day after the funeral?” 

“Seriously?” El pulled away from him, frowning. 

“But only for two weeks, then I can spend as much time--” 

“Alright,” She said, nodding slowly. “It’s fine.” She dragged in a breath, trying to steady herself without touching anything. 

_ “I haven’t seen Henrik in a while, where has he been?” Bobby asked her over lunch one afternoon.  _

_ “Oh, he’s been busy. He’s leading climbing and camping excursions in Sweden, and it’s hard for him to get away.”  _

_ Bobby tried to bite his tongue, tried not to say what he was really thinking, but he lost the battle. “He should be here.”  _

_ “No, really, it’s alright--” _

_ “You’re not alright, and you deserve to have him here with you. Not just for a weekend here and there.”  _

_ “Are you waiting for me to say I’m done with him so you can have your chance?” She huffed, and Bobby widened his eyes before shaking his head ‘no’ furiously.  _

_ “No, and--well, you know--” He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “This isn’t about me, this is about you. And Henrik. And how you deserve better from him.”  _

_ “He doesn’t know I feel this way, Bobby. I haven’t told him.”  _

_ “Why are you keeping things from him?”  _

_ “Because…” She tasted the words on her tongue, but bit them back. She felt the tears pricking at her eyelids, the lump rising in her throat, the panic settling just behind her chest plate. She took a breath to reset. “I’m afraid I’ll lose him.”  _

_ “Fuck,” Bobby breathed, shaking his head sadly. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say something so ridiculous.”  _

_ “What?” El stared him down. “It’s a valid fear, isn’t it?”  _

_ “No, not really,” Bobby said softly. “But it’s one you’ve lived with for a very long time.”  _

_ “Stop.”  _

_ “I won’t.” Bobby took a breath. “You aren’t going to lose him if you ask him for what you need, and you should do that. You should call him and tell him to get his arse on the next flight in, because you miss him, and you need him here--”  _

_ “Bobby, please,” El said faintly, wiping under her eyes. “Chelsea will be here soon, won’t she?”  _

_ “I’m sorry, El.” Bobby frowned slightly, and she shook her head, wiping at her eyes again.  _

_ “Don’t be, you’re right. I’m just a coward. No!” She held up one finger. “Don’t tell me I’m not. I’m a slave to my fear, but I’m trying, okay? You have to believe me that I’m trying.”  _

_ “So call him tonight.”  _

_ El nodded slowly, pushing food around on her plate listlessly. “I will. I’m sure he’s home by now. I hope he’s home by now.” She looked back up at him. “Bobby? Thanks for being a friend to me.”  _

_ “El, anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend.” Bobby paused. “Maybe I should call him for you.” He pulled out his phone, scrolling through.  _

_ “No!” She protested, her eyes wide. “Maybe don’t do that.”  _

_ “Too late.” He put the phone to his ear, cursing under his breath when it went straight to voicemail. “Hey, Henrik, just calling to tell you El misses you, and you’re all she talks about. Maybe you should keep your phone on in case she wants to talk to you, I don’t know. Book a flight, come see her.” He clicked off the line, giving his mortified friend a shit eating grin.  _

_ “You’re kind of an asshole, aren’t you?” El grumbled.  _

_ “Well, if you won’t tell him how you feel, maybe  _ someone _ should.”  _

_ “I--” She cut herself off, frowning. Maybe he was right. She’d been so scared of being abandoned, she’d barely let herself be comfortable. “He probably forgot to pack his spare battery. He’s been so scatterbrained lately.”  _

_ “He should be making you a priority,” Bobby said firmly. “But he really can’t do that if he doesn’t know that you’re upset.”  _

_ “I’ve got to go,” She said, rising abruptly. “I’ll pay you back.”  _

_ “Go on and run away, but eventually you have to confront those feelings, El,” Bobby said, and El spun on him.  _

_ “I know you’re just being a good friend to me, but I literally do not have the capacity to talk about this anymore. In case you forgot, Bobby, my father is dying. I’m not here for fun, or even for good. I know that I’m leaving as soon as he does. If I can’t have a nice lunch with a friend without delving into my feelings, I don’t see the point in leaving my flat.”  _

_ “El, I’m sorry,” Bobby said. “We can change the subject.”  _

_ El sat back down carefully, narrowing her eyes at him. “Alright, but if you so much as mention Henrik, I’m leaving.”  _

_ Both of them were relieved when Chelsea bounced up to the table, greeting El with a soft squeal and a hug.  _

El clung to Henrik’s hand, squeezing as though he would disappear if she didn’t hold on, and her one lifeline would break, leaving her floating in space. She held her mother’s hand with the other, focusing on the ground in front of her. She took in ragged breaths, her chest heaving slightly. 

It hit her without warning, the thought that her father was gone, he wasn’t coming back, and she wouldn’t be able to call him for advice, just to talk, just to say “Hi, I missed you.” The sobs rattled her body, and she tugged her hands free, covering her face as she fell forward, resting her forearms on her thighs. The sobs started out quiet, but as she struggled to compose herself, she lost control even more. 

She felt Henrik’s hand on her back, and she heard her mother losing her composure next to her, but she was paralyzed other than the huffs of breath that passed her lips, and the wracking sobs. Henrik pulled her up and into his arms, his hand running her back as he tried desperately to soothe her. She buried her face in his chest, her breath hitching as the tears ebbed. 

Henrik kissed the top of her head, before burying his face in her hair, struggling to keep it together himself. He sniffled, and El shifted against him, lifting her head slightly. “If you start, I’ll just start all over again,” She sniffed, and he let out a soft huff of laughter. 

“It’s okay, Freya, it’s okay,” He whispered, and caught her mother looking at him fondly even through her tearstained eyes. He saw that El’s aunt was holding her, running her fingers through her hair, rubbing her back, and he was glad for it. “Losing someone isn’t easy, and there is no shame in grieving out loud,” He said softly, and she buried her face in his chest again. 

“I don’t want to cry anymore,” She breathed, and he squeezed her tight against him. 

“I know, älskling. I know.” 

\--

El sat in the dark, alone, the next night, wondering if it was worth it to stay. She packed her things, she began listing her furniture for sale, and a few days later, she walked through an empty flat for the last time. 

“What are you going to do when Henrik comes in a couple weeks?” Bobby asked when he greeted El at the door. “He’s going to be upset when he sees this place empty, isn’t he?” 

“I’ll get us a hotel room, that was my plan. Then, I’ll--I don’t know. I’ll go back to Breckenridge. Or somewhere to get an early jump on my training. I have a lot of work to do,” She said with a soft sigh. “Come on, I’m going to be late for my flight.” She huffed, and Bobby laughed. 

“Chelsea’s keeping the car warm. She refused to let you go without saying goodbye.” 

He took her luggage and carried it to the car, and Chelsea leaped out immediately, pulling El into a hug. 

“I am going to miss you so much, babe!” She cried, and El laughed softly. 

“You’d better come visit. I’m going to teach you how to snowboard.” 

Chelsea squealed. “Are you serious? You’re amazing!” 

“We’ve got to go,” El said as Bobby shut the boot. Chelsea nodded as El climbed into the backseat. 

“I am so jealous! Encinitas is probably so warm this time of year!” Chelsea exclaimed, and El laughed softly. 

“I just really wanted to learn to surf, and feel a board under my feet. There’s an amazing instructor out there now, so I figured I’d seize the opportunity.” She shrugged. “You could come with me!” El offered, and Chelsea laughed softly. 

“I would if I could, but I had a lot of work left to do. Ugh, so unfair!” She scrunched up her nose. 

“Hey, thanks again for hanging onto my snowboards and snow gear for me. Hopefully I’ll know where to have you ship them in a few weeks.” 

“Oh, take your time,” Bobby said with a shrug. “Take care of yourself, first.” 

El gave him a strained smile in the rearview mirror. 

  
  


**Freya.El**

_ Encinitas, California  _

_ Tai is the best surfboarding instructor! Learning so much xx  _

The photoset consisted of El grinning with a surfboard, laughing with a buff, tanned man with long, curly hair tied back in a ponytail, and one of her actually surfing. It felt good to have a surfboard under her feet, it felt good to ride waves, and to learn something new, and for once, the heat of the sun felt good on her shoulders. 

She rested on a towel, soaking up the sun, letting her hair dry, her eyes closed as she tried not to let herself be overwhelmed by the feelings she’d been running from. She wanted to relax, to unwind. She wasn’t ready to think or to feel. The beach was quiet, and other than her and Tai, the beach was fairly empty. 

Even though she felt peaceful, there was a pit of dread in her stomach, a sense that she may have forgotten something. She shook it off, determined to enjoy the sunshine instead of worry. 


	13. Goodbye Girl (black diamond)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would like to apologize in advance for the pain that you, my lovely readers, are about to experience. i think in the end we will agree that this journey was worth it after all. 
> 
> if you need me i will be sobbing into a lean cuisine and atoning for my sins. 
> 
> big shout out to [Daisybarks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daisybarks/pseuds/Daisybarks) for betaing this for me on such short notice. you're a legend and a hero C':
> 
> also, there is a short smut scene in this chapter.

Henrik knocked on the door of El’s flat, surprised when there was no answer. He sighed to himself and took out the spare key, opening the door for himself. His jaw dropped in shock when he realized that the apartment was very nearly completely cleaned out. 

“What the fuck.” He opened his phone, and his first instinct wasn’t to tap the call icon, but the Instagram icon. It opened up to a photoset from El, one where she was grinning next to a surfboard, a picture of her laughing with a handsome, curly haired man, and he felt his heart sink. The location was tagged as Encinitas, California. 

‘ _ What the fuck.”  _ He repeated, before hitting call next to  _ Freya Elspeth💘💘  _ in his phone. She picked up after the third ring. 

“Henny!” She sounded breathless and excited.

“Freya? When were you going to tell me you’d left?” 

“What? I--” 

“Before or after I got to your  _ empty  _ flat?” 

“I thought you weren’t coming for another week!” She exclaimed. 

“It looks like you’ve moved out.” Henrik was trying desperately to maintain his composure; to hide the anger and frustration that threatened to spill out into his voice if he wasn’t careful. He couldn’t help it, he felt himself in the grips of fury and devastation all at once. 

“Yeah, I…” She broke off, sighing. “I just needed a break. All my things are with Chels until I figure out where--” 

“Do I fit into this equation?” Henrik asked impatiently, and she clicked off the line. “Unbelievable.” He muttered to his phone, until her face popped up on his screen. She wanted to FaceTime. 

“Sorry.” She mumbled, shading her eyes with her free hand. She was clearly on the beach, and though she was glowing in the early sunlight, she still looked tired. “Of course you do, Meatball.” She sighed heavily. 

“You’re not coping well, are you?”  _ Or at all,  _ he wanted to add, but mercifully bit his tongue. She covered her eyes completely, groaning. 

“Don’t make me cry on the beach.” 

“I’ll book a ticket to come out there,” he offered, and she nodded slowly.

“Yeah. Yeah. I’m sorry, I’m not coping. I thought I was, but…” 

“You don’t have to explain it right now.” He was smiling. “But, I wouldn’t mind an apology for--” 

“I was going to be back before you were  _ supposed  _ to be there!” She protested. 

“Your bed is gone?” She watched him walk through her flat and sighed softly. 

“Yeah.” She shook her head. “I was going to book us a room for the week.” 

“Did you come into some money or something?” He asked bluntly, and she rolled her eyes at him. Her mouth moved before the words came out. 

“Yes. My inheritance.” El was beginning to look upset again, and he wanted so badly to be there to soothe her. 

“I’ll hop on the next flight out. You better stay right there.” Henrik frowned. He was rewarded with a smile. 

“Oh, no, I’ll be gone by tomorrow.” She teased, and his frown deepened. “Kidding. God, you’re too easy sometimes. Be here all week. I’ll text you the hotel’s address and I’ll have them leave a room key for you.” Her eyes softened and she stared into the phone fondly. “Hey.” 

“Hey.” 

“Thank you for being so understanding.” 

“I’ll see you soon.” 

He called the only other person he could think of in Glasgow who might be willing to take him to the airport. 

“Hey, Bobby, I know we don’t talk much.”  _ Understatement of the year.  _

“What’s up?” 

“Is there a chance you could drive me to the airport?” 

“Now?” 

Henrik sighed heavily. “Now.” 

“Yeah. Are you at El’s, then?” 

“Yup.” Henrik slumped against the doorframe, fully expecting him to say no, he was busy, call a taxi, you bellend. 

“I’ll be right there.” 

To say the ride to the airport was sufficiently awkward would be a grave understatement. 

“Where are you going?” Bobby asked, tapping the steering wheel with nervous energy. 

“San Diego, El’s in--” 

“Encinitas.” Bobby finished without thinking. 

“Wait. You knew?” Henrik turned, his eyes wide. 

“Oh, shit.” Bobby’s stomach dropped and he flashed a sympathetic look at Henrik. “I thought she’d told you.” 

“She didn’t know I was coming. It was supposed to be a surprise.” Henrik wanted to justify it, wanted to ignore the green monster that was raging within him, because it  _ wasn’t  _ her fault, but he wasn’t feeling rational. That, and the fact that she’d told  _ Bobby  _ and not him of her plans. 

“Yeah, you’re really not around much, are you?” It was a small jab, really, and still, it sent the world crashing down all around Henrik at the sudden realization that no, he hadn’t been making enough time for Freya. 

“Things have been busy--” 

“It’s not my place to say this.” As soon as he said it, Bobby regretted it. He wished he’d just kept his mouth shut. The words spilled out before he could stop himself. “You broke a promise to her that you’d stay at her side through this whole entire thing. You told her you’d move to Scotland to be with her. So she’s not only dealing with the death of her father, you know.” 

“I can’t believe she didn’t tell me this.” 

“She--” Bobby bit back words, shaking his head. It wasn’t his place to say, to air El’s fears to him. He needed to talk to her. “I don’t know, maybe you should ask her why she didn’t.” 

Henrik fell back against the seat, sighing to himself. It was how she coped. Running away instead of facing her problems. As much as he wanted to understand things from her side, he was angry and upset. He tried to hide it, but when they pulled up at the terminal, Bobby looked a little scared. 

“Uhh, good thing it’s a long flight.” Bobby quipped. Henrik fixed him with the calmest look he could muster. 

“Maybe she would have been better off with you,” he muttered, before unbuckling and starting to get out. 

“You don’t mean that.” Bobby called out, and Henrik paused, turning and smiling weakly. 

“She told you and not me. Clearly something is very wrong between us.”  _ And I don’t know if I can fix it,  _ he wanted to add. Instead, he got out and grabbed his luggage. “Thank you for the ride. You really didn’t have to trouble yourself.” 

“I’m probably better than a stranger in a taxi. Good luck, mate.” Bobby flashed him a thumb’s up.

-

The long flight after a short layover in Frankfurt gave Henrik a chance to compose himself, and figure out what he was going to say. God knows he had been trying to find a way to live in Scotland through the duration of El’s stay, but since he couldn’t get his connections to come through, they’d FaceTimed as regularly as they could both manage. The last time he’d seen her was the day after the funeral, while everything was very much still up in the air. 

She had seemed calm enough, then, and not on the verge of taking off halfway across the damn world.  _ It’s how she copes. She runs instead of walking. She doesn’t think.  _

He struggled with the possibility that they were coming to the end of the road. How could love that burned so brightly fizzle out, and what the hell was he going to do? As much as he’d loved being home and around his family, he was constantly aching without her. He was scared that he would step off the plane and find a woman he didn’t recognize. 

He stared out the window, watching the clouds drift by and forcing himself to stay awake. He didn’t want to be up all damn night. He opened a book to try and force his mind off of her, but it was nearly impossible to keep his thoughts from circling back to her. 

After what felt like an eternity, he was finally flinging his things into a rental car and garnering strange looks for his Glasgow-friendly attire, a raincoat and jeans. He hadn’t even noticed the weather shift, but he ignored it. 

When he got to El’s room (after grabbing a key from a slightly annoyed sounding night clerk) her things were there but she wasn’t. 

“What the hell?” Henrik muttered, but he was too exhausted to care at that point. He slipped off his clothes and fell asleep atop the covers. 

He woke sometime later to El’s voice. “Henrik, wake up. Wake up!!” She sounded annoyed, and he rubbed his eyes groggily. She was wearing a loose tank top that was falling off her shoulders, and a pair of boy shorts. “You’re on top of the covers.” She yawned. 

“Where have you been?” He asked, and she crawled under the covers, turning away from him. 

“Out.” 

“Where’s out? Why are you so cold with me?” 

“I was on the beach. I just didn’t want to come back inside yet, and I didn’t know when you were getting in.” 

“Freya.” The stern tone of his voice made her turn around to face him. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming here?” 

“It was a last minute decision.” 

“You told Bobby and not me.” 

“How did you--” 

“He drove me to the airport.” Henrik was out of bed and standing next to the desk, swaying slightly. He was still half asleep, not really sure how to work his body just yet. 

“Henrik, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” She sat up, leaning forward. “I was going to, I just… I couldn’t breathe. I needed to escape, and I couldn’t tell anyone, I thought--I thought I’d be back.” 

“You can’t just leave without telling me, Freya. That’s not how this works.” 

“What about breaking your promise?” She demanded, her repressed anger boiling to the surface. “What about how you said you’d be at my side through this whole thing?” 

“Freya, please, I didn’t know that when I made that promise it would be an issue. I didn’t know that I wouldn’t be allowed to live there full time, even temporarily. I wish I could go back and fix it; change it, but you have to believe me when I say I tried everything.” 

“I--I was suffocating, Hen. I couldn’t fucking do it anymore. I thought I would be back by the time--I didn’t know you were coming early.” 

“And what if I wanted to surprise you again? It’s hard to do that if you’re going to disappear on me.” He had been calm, the long flight had done wonders, but he was still so angry, and he was afraid he might just lose that carefully crafted calm. 

“You know this is what I do, Henrik. You know I just need to leave without saying anything sometimes.” 

“And that’s okay when it’s not to another damned hemisphere, Freya! But this? This is over the line.” 

“Henrik--” She folded onto the bed, hugging herself. 

“No, I don’t care. You should know how it is,” Henrik said, his hands on his hips. “You don’t get to leave without telling me anymore.” 

“It never used to bother you!” She protested. 

“It has always bothered me, Freya, I just knew that back then, it wasn’t my place to say anything.” He paused, searching for the right words, a furrow in his brow. “We weren’t  _ a thing _ then, either, but now, Freya? You’re my girlfriend, and I think I deserve to know when you want to ditch me.” 

“I didn’t ditch you, Henrik!” She stood back up, her nostrils flaring. “You told me a specific time you would be back! I planned around  _ that!  _ I didn’t do this to hurt you, I did this to salve my own broken heart!” 

“It’s still not fair to me that I was left in the dark. And that I showed up to an empty flat. Freya, what are you doing?” 

“I don’t know, okay? I’m leaving Scotland. I’m going back to Breckenridge, or fucking Switzerland, I don’t know!” 

“Do I fit into these plans?” Henrik asked, and her eyes widened in shock. She fell back to the bed, catching her breath, pulling at the bedspread. She realized then that she hadn’t been thinking of anyone else in her grief, and she hadn’t found a place for him in her plans. Her chest heaved as she tried to hold back her tears, tears of sorrow and frustration. 

“No, I guess not,” she said. “I thought--I thought we could keep doing this distance thing. I thought that you were happy in Sweden, you seemed to be. I have to chase my dream, surely you understand?” 

“I don’t understand why we can’t go back to Breckenridge together? I had planned on that.” 

“I--well, it’s almost summer, Henrik, I can’t do any snowboarding. As much as I love mountaineering and skating in the summer, it’s not going to do me much good if I want to be in competing shape by the winter.” 

“So, what do we do now?” He sat beside her, and she shook her head. 

“I don’t know. I don’t want to lose you.” 

“I think…” Henrik sighed softly. “I think the distance is too hard on me. I’ve been struggling, being apart from you.” 

“Then why the hell didn’t you come see me as often as you said you would?” She demanded, and he shook his head sadly. 

“I didn’t have the money all the time, Freya. That’s why I had to work.” 

“You could have asked me! You could have told me! Can we even do this? Even if we’re in the same room it’s just a fucking mess, isn’t it? I don’t want to lose you, but is this worth the fight?” She demanded, and he brushed moisture away from under his eyes. 

“It is to me,” he said in a small voice. “But if you don’t think it is, maybe we should take some time away--think about things--I don’t know. Freya, I don’t know.” 

“How can you not know, Henrik? How can you look at me and say you don’t know? Maybe that’s the problem. You’re so unsure about this, you’re so fucking--” She bit back a sob, shaking her head. “So this is it, then? This is how we end things?” 

“I don’t want to fucking break up with you.” Henrik charged. “But you seem to be finished with me.” He stood up, moving to the window, pushing the blind open to stare out at the parking lot. “So if that’s what you want, then fine, we’re finished.” 

El stood up, rushing to him, pulling him toward her, pressing a searing kiss to his mouth. He melted into the kiss, before locking his hands around her wrists, shoving her back to the bed. He tightened his grip, his kisses angry and hot as he slipped his tongue past her lips. She writhed beneath him as he wedged his knee between her thighs, dropping one of her hands to go for her throat, careful not to cut off her breathing as he squeezed. Her eyes rolled back into her head as he pulled her out of her clothes, his hands rolling her waistband down her hips and finally off of her ankles. 

He almost looked frightening, his brow furrowed deeply as he moved his face between her legs, his tongue seeking out to destroy her. She cried out in surprise, and though she longed to bury her hands in his hair, she crushed the sheets in her fists instead. He wrapped his arms around her thighs to keep her still as he continued to pull her apart with the tip of his tongue, and she tried to hold her moans back. Her breathing grew heavier, and when he sensed she was close, he pulled away. 

She appraised him from beneath her eyelashes, trembling faintly as he shrugged out of his clothes. In a flash, he was poised between her legs, ready to hilt himself. He checked her expression, and she nodded. She was slick with desire, and even though he was so angry with her, it was heavenly to be inside of her. He crushed her lips in another hot, furious kiss, sliding his hand under the back of her head, while holding one of her arms above her head. 

She jammed her free hand between them, using her fingers to add the extra stimulation she craved, as he thrust angrily into her. She had never seen him this way, and even if it was frightening, she couldn’t escape the fact that it felt so fucking good. She wanted to cry out in pleasure, but she kept silent, only aiding him with soft gasps and heavy breathing. 

He pulled out and flipped her onto her stomach, entering her from behind. She whimpered softly in surprise, burying her face in the pillow as he hit a hard and fast rhythm. He pulled her arms back by the wrists as his pace grew more frantic. With a fury he didn’t know he possessed, he dropped her hands, reeling his hand back to slap her ass with his open palm. It connected with a satisfying smack, and to his surprise, El moaned. 

Even though he was worried he might hurt her, that he might go too far, he couldn’t stop himself from doing it again… and again. And El’s mewls of delight were just enough to send him over the edge, grunting as he finished, and pulling away in slight embarrassment. 

He cleaned himself up in the bathroom, before staring into the mirror, splashing cold water on his face. His hands shook, and he gripped the sink to steady himself, watching impassively as droplets fell off of his chin. He sighed, trying to quell the pit of anger that only seemed to be growing in his stomach, and the fear and sadness taking over his chest. 

Henrik was exhausted, and the combination of jetlag and pouring at least half of his anger into El in the bedroom was taking a toll. He wanted to sleep, he wanted to lie still for hours, but he had to face her. He had to try and salvage this thing. 

Deep in his heart, he knew he couldn’t. Not this time, not yet. Maybe in time, he’d grow up, he’d calm down, he’d step outside of himself and see where he went wrong. But for now, he felt like he was standing at a fork in the road. 

Head left, and he would only cause himself and El unimaginable pain and suffering. Head right, and he would suffer, but if it came at the cost of knowing she might heal from it, he could bear it. He looked in the mirror again and saw the tears flowing before he felt them, and he brushed them away hastily, trying to ignore the lump in his throat and the sense of dread that she might leave him yet again. 

He brushed a wet rag over his eyes futilely, knowing it would do nothing to erase his red rimmed lids. He stepped into the room cautiously, half expecting to find it empty, the front door slammed shut behind El as she fled. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, fully clothed, and her eyes were red rimmed to match his. 

“So, is this it?” She asked when she registered his presence, after he’d begun pulling his clothes back on. “Do we call it quits  _ again?”  _

“It’s not what I want,” Henrik said simply, sighing heavily. “But it feels like we need to.” 

“If it’s not what you want, and it’s not what I want, then why the fuck would we break up, Henrik?” 

“Because I’m not good for you right now!” He blurted out before he could stop himself. And the words rushed out. “All I ever do is hurt you! Do you think I want this? Do you think I want to hurt you again? All I think about is what I can do to make you happy, but do you ever think of me?” He took a breath, eyes to the ceiling as he tried to quickly translate his feelings into words. “El, this isn’t goodbye forever, this is--” 

“It might as fucking well be, Henrik. You don’t get to make up the rules as you go; you don’t get to decide that one day, I’ll be ready and you’ll be ready and we’ll just be  _ happy. _ This takes work, and if you’re not willing to put the work in now or ever, then it’s best if we just--” Her breath hitched and she swallowed a sob. “Go our separate ways. We’ve been going around in circles, Hen, and--god why do you always pick the absolute worst timing for this shit?” She groaned. 

“I’m not the one who ran away to California!” He retorted. “So go then, if you want to fucking go.” 

“Henrik, please.” 

“No, Freya. You don’t get to do this to me. You don’t get to decide if I’m hurt or not. And you did hurt me. How am I supposed to feel about us having a future together if you won’t even talk to me when you’re hurting? You told Bobby, you told Chelsea, but you told me  _ nothing. _ Is that supposed to make me feel better, Freya?” 

“I’m fucking scared of losing you, Henrik! I always have been! It’s not like either of us makes this easy on the other!” 

“I guess your worst fears are coming to life,” he muttered, and she reared back and slapped him. 

“Why don’t you go fuck yourself?” She hissed, and he rubbed his cheek, remorse immediately settling in his eyes. 

“Freya, I’m sorry--I didn’t--” 

“Of course you didn’t mean it, but you still fucking said it. You know what? Fine, Henrik. If being with me is so fucking hard, then let’s call it off. If you can look at me, knowing everything you know about me, and  _ still  _ say something so shitty to me, then I never want to see you again.” 

She turned and began flinging clothes into her suitcase, and he felt the panic rising again, replacing the fury. 

“Freya, please, listen to me--” 

“Henrik, the damage is done,” she said furiously. “You really,  _ really  _ fucked it this time.” 

“I would do anything to take it back, Freya. I am so unbelievably stupid,” he said regretfully, and she spun on him, fury flashing in her eyes. 

“Yes, Henrik, yes, this time, you are,” she said. “You can’t take it back, that’s the problem.” She finished packing her bag and zipped it with finality. “And the worst part is that I still love you so goddamn much, and I always will.” Her voice broke, and she covered her face as the sobs racked her body. “Honestly, fuck you for doing this to me. And fuck me for letting you.” 

She slipped on her shoes and picked up the handle of her luggage, throwing the key at him just before she opened the door. “Have a nice vacation, you fucking prick.” 

As soon as the door clicked shut, Henrik fell apart, sobbing furiously into his hands. 


	14. Rustler (black diamond) or Rotenboden (advanced)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the pain train isn't slowing down, folks, i'm sorry ;--; 
> 
> sven is named for my favorite snowboarder, hope he never sees this lmfao 
> 
> avy training = avalanche training 
> 
> special thanks again to Lauren for the beta work! i would be lost without you

###  Quatorze

Henrik stared at the door in shock, completely dumbfounded. Yet again, he had let El slip out of his fingers. Yet again, he had pushed things too far, and now she was gone, to god knows where. If he knew her, and he knew her well, she was headed directly to the airport, hopping on the first red eye flight she could find. 

To say he was devastated would be a grave understatement. He felt paralyzed. He felt numb. He wanted to get up, to push the door open and run to her, catch her in his arms and kiss it all away, but his limbs refused to move. His body was overcome with exhaustion even if his heart and brain hadn’t received the memo. 

“No,” he breathed, folding in two on the bed, collapsing in on himself.  _ What vacation?  _ he thought. This was no vacation if he was doomed to be consumed with sorrow over their broken relationship. He stared at his hands, willing himself to move, to do  _ anything,  _ but he was trapped. The hum of the air conditioner, the voices and footsteps in the hallway, the way he couldn’t breathe; it would all be seared into his memory forever. 

He stood up, paced the room, finally doing something other than sitting in paralyzing grief. He couldn’t believe himself. Of all the things to do, he’d broken up with El while she was grieving a death. He groaned to himself, picking up the key, and used his last burst of strength to sprint to the parking lot. He hoped that maybe, just maybe, she hadn’t gotten to her rented car yet, that she was standing under the awning, breathing heavily in the nearly summer air, but he had no such luck. He was greeted with taillights rushing out of the parking lot, and his stomach dropped as he watched the car drive off. 

“No, no, no,” he sighed, covering his mouth with his hands. He wanted to crumple to the asphalt, but the sight of a couple of men having cigarettes in the smoking area encouraged him to trudge back to the room, slip out of his clothes and under the covers. 

And when he caught the faint smell of El’s shampoo on the pillow, he cried himself to sleep. 

\--

The first flight El could find was a first class red eye to New York City. She bought the ticket quietly, relieved when she slipped into the seat and there wasn’t anyone seated beside her yet. Once she was settled in, she pulled out a travel pillow, hugging it to her chest and burying her face in it as she wept as quietly as she could muster. 

She glanced over her shoulder in surprise when she realized someone had joined her, and her eyes widened as she turned in her seat. 

“Lucas? What are you doing here?” She practically gasped the question. Lucas perked a brow at her as he settled into his seat. 

“Flying to New York. What are  _ you _ doing here? I thought you were in Glasgow.” 

“I was,” she said, pausing for a moment to brush tears off of her cheeks. “He died, my father, that is, and I’m--I don’t really know where I’m going.” 

“What about Henrik?” 

“What about him?” She scoffed, wrinkling her nose and trying to keep the tears from spilling. “God, I thought we were so good. And we were. But everything got fucked up.” 

“No, El, don’t tell me--” 

“We broke up. I guess it was mutual? I don’t really know. He’s still in the hotel room, and I’m--I’m probably going to Zermatt.” 

“What? That seems extreme.” 

“It’s not. I’m going out there to train. There’s snowboarding all year.” She looked away, silently willing the plane to take off already. She was itching to be somewhere new, especially the Swiss Alps. “Some of the best are out there now,” she said, checking her email and smiling. “Oh! Sick, I got the invite!” 

“Good for you,” Lucas said, but his voice was tense, filled with worry. It only intensified when she fixed him with a look. 

“I haven’t told anyone where I’m actually going. Can I trust you not to tell anyone?” she demanded, and he nodded solemnly. “ _ Especially  _ Henrik.” 

“I won’t. But I think you should--” 

“Absolutely not,” she said firmly. “We broke up, it’s  _ over. _ He’s literally the last person I want to see again.” 

From the way her voice hitched, Lucas knew she was lying, but he also knew she was too proud to admit to it. And he would be the one to pick up Henrik’s shattered heart. He decided to reserve any judgments until he had a chance to talk it over with the Swede. 

“He’ll find out eventually, you know he will, El.” 

“It better not be from you,” she said, and he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“You do realize that as Henrik’s best friend, I’m inclined to side with him, don’t you?” Lucas asked, and she groaned, slapping her forehead. 

“Can you try? I don’t even know if I’ll still be there in a week, or a month. I literally have no idea what I’m doing right now.” 

_ You should be going to therapy,  _ Lucas wanted to say, but held his tongue. That was definitely not the right choice of words for someone grieving a death in the family. “Fine. I don’t like it. I don’t think it’s right. And I reserve the right to change my mind once I hear Henrik’s side of the story.” 

“Are you suddenly a lawyer?” El teased him, before turning to the window, trying and failing to hide her tears from him. He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, and she heaved a sigh. “I’ve fucked it all up,” she sighed, and he shook his head when she turned back to him. “No, I really think I have. I don’t--I didn’t want to lose him, Lucas, but I think I have. For good.” 

“Well, to be fair, you did say he’s the last person you want to see.” 

“I guess I did,” she sighed, burying her face in her hands. “And right now, that’s still true, but I know once I spend some time away, I’ll feel differently, and what he said to me won’t sting as much.” 

“What did he say?” Lucas couldn’t help asking, overwhelmed by his curiosity. 

“I told him that I was scared to lose him, and he said ‘I guess your worst fears are coming to life.’ Honestly, I saw red, Lucas. I slapped him.” 

“I guess that’s fairly understandable. I’m really sorry, El,” he said, and she sighed, covering her face again. 

“All I do is cry these days, and I’m so sick of it,” she said. “But I keep fucking up, and--I don’t know. I just, I’m going to do what I do, and disappear for a while. I’ll come back to Breck in the fall to reestablish my home base, but for now, I’ve sold most of my things and I’m just going to roam.” 

“I can’t stop you, but I really think that you should call Henrik.”

“I will when I’m ready. I don’t know when that will be. But honestly, Lucas?” she lifted her head, and all he could focus on was the teardrops clinging to her eyelashes. “I think he deserves better than me.” Her voice broke, and she took a deep, shuddering breath in a bid to keep herself composed. “I probably look like a damn muppet.” 

Lucas sighed softly at the state El was in. It wasn’t nice to see her crying, especially if it was over his best friend. “For what it’s worth, I think you two will figure this out. And--I think you deserve much more than you realize.” 

“Not if I keep acting like an idiot,” El sighed to herself, shaking her head slowly. “Maybe I’m coming to my senses a little too late, but I don’t think you’ll be taking my side when you hear what he has to say,” she said, turning away slightly. 

“That doesn’t mean I won’t want to be here for you regardless, El. You can still call me whenever you need me, alright? Let me know you’re still alive. We all care about you.” 

She muffled her sobs in the poor, half-soaked travel pillow, her shoulders shaking just slightly as she took deep breaths to cleanse herself. 

“That’s just what makes me feel so stupid about this whole thing. You know? I just--god, I’ve thrown away the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and for what? For my selfish desire to just do whatever I want. I have a lot to work on before I see him again, Lucas.” 

“I hope you do work on it,” Lucas said softly, and she sighed deeply. 

“Yeah. I’m going to try.” El sunk down in her seat slightly. “Please don’t tell him where I’ve gone, Lucas, I don’t think I’ll be ready to see him for a long while. And if he moves on,” she hesitated, her breath hitching in her throat. “Tell him it’s okay.” 

“He said he’ll be coming back to Breckenridge in a few weeks, I’ll talk to him then, alright?” 

“Take care of him, would you?” 

“Of course, El.” 

\---

El woke up in a strange bed for the third day in a row. By this point, she should have been getting used to it, but it still felt weird. She stretched, checking her phone. She’d woken up ten minutes before her alarm. 

There was a knock at her door, and she yawned, frowning in light confusion. She hadn’t been expecting anyone for another hour, but she got up and opened the door anyway. She came face to face with a blond who, before she focused on his face, looked like Henrik. She resisted the urge to slam the door, but her heart still raced away from her. 

“Freya Elspeth?” He spoke in a light Swedish accent, and her heart reappeared to contract painfully. She nodded twice. “I’m Sven, here to get you for avy training.”

“Oh. Right.” She blinked, trying to compose herself and stop her heart from exploding. God, she missed Henrik. And god, she wished she didn’t. “Yeah, that’s great. Why are you here so early?” She frowned. 

“It starts in 15 minutes!” He exclaimed, and her eyes widened. 

“Oh, shit. Wait here.” She shut her door and dressed in a hurry, managing to get done in only a few minutes. Sven waited patiently by her door, smiling broadly when she emerged, every part of her covered but her eyes. Sven must have recognized the anxiety in them, and he placed a comforting hand on her arm. 

“It’ll be alright, Freya.” He told her, and she nodded, before correcting him. 

“El.” She gently took his hand off of her. “Please call me El.” 

“A shame, Freya sounds more--” 

“Scandinavian? So I’ve been told.” She was icy, and he looked taken aback, but shrugged it off and led her outside. 

“So what are you running from, anyway?” Sven asked her bluntly over lunch. She shook her head. “Come on, you barely know me. You can trust me.” 

“Another Swede.” 

“Bold of you to assume I’m Swedish,” Sven said with a short chuckle. “But I’ll bite, what’s his name? Perhaps I know him!” 

“That’s all you’re getting out of me. You remind me too much of him.” She scowled, and he perked a brow. 

“Maybe he is my brother!” 

She eyed him, shaking her head at him. “Doubtful. He’s an only child.” 

Sven’s eyes twinkled with mirth, but he left her alone for the rest of the day. 

After another week, she started to warm up to Sven, and she started to drop more tidbits. 

“He loves mountaineering. Probably more than anything in the world.” 

“Total nature boy. He’d probably live in the woods full time if he didn’t love his bed so much.” 

“I taught him how to snowboard a week after I started working in Colorado. He’s a lot better at it than he thinks.” 

“His favorite color is forest green.” 

“He has to sleep in total darkness with all the lights off and a window open. Even on the hottest summer nights, or the coldest winter ones.” 

“He can cook like a dream. I can only really do breakfast, but he makes these fantastic dinners all from food he’s foraged.” 

“It’s obvious that you miss him very much. What happened?” Sven asked one day while they sat on a lift. 

“It’s a long story,” she said, looking away. “I don’t really want to get into it.” 

“You’ll have to tell me eventually, unless you don’t want to be my best friend?” he teased her, and she snorted softly. 

“Fine,” she sighed, brushing a bit of snow off of her pants. “He--we broke up. I don’t know, it was a big fight after I hopped a flight to California without telling him,” she said, and Sven held up one mitten encased hand. 

“Hold on. You did what?” 

“I left without telling him.” 

“So, I heard you right,” he said, and she felt her veins fill with ice, but he nodded for her to continue. 

“Well, he wasn’t there, he was in Sweden, and I was in Scotland, and my dad had just died, I don’t know, Sven, I was reeling.” 

“You should have told him. It’s two seconds to tap out a text,  _ Freya. _ ” he didn’t bother hiding the disgust in his tone, and she shrunk in the chair. 

“Please, Sven, I’ve been beating myself up about this for the last week and a half. Or more, I don’t know what time is anymore, honestly,” she said. “I know, alright? I know I fucked up the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and there’s not a chance in hell I’ll be able to salvage it.” 

“Well, I’m not going to comfort you,” Sven said, and she laughed suddenly, shaking her head. 

“No, see, I don’t want to be comforted, or coddled, or told it’s all going to be alright, you know? I just want to tell you this so you can know how stupid I was, and we can move on with our lives. I don’t want to think about how much he pissed me off or how much I pissed him off, or how I lost the man I was going to marry. What does it really matter now, anyway?” 

“It’s important. It’s part of your story. And, from what you’ve told me, he was a very good friend to you.” 

“He took really good care of me when I broke both of my legs,” El said, hanging her head. 

“See? He’s always been there for you, and you just kind of threw that in his face when you left like that. The most important person in your life and yet, you didn’t tell him you were struggling? I think you need to talk to someone,” Sven said bluntly, and she opened her mouth to speak but he held up a finger. “No, it’s fine, I’ve got connections. Don’t talk to me about being broke.” 

El sat there, stunned, her mouth hanging open under the gaiter she’d pulled up over her nose. A part of her was annoyed that he’d read her like an open book, and another part was relieved. 

“I--wow, Sven, thank you,” El said, straightening back up, swinging her free foot.

“No, don’t worry about it. It’s only because you’re one of the best snowboarders out here.” 

Just beyond his gruff tone and furrowed brow, El caught the tone of concern and flicker of fondness in his eyes. 

“But you really do have issues, Freya El,” Sven said, but there was a teasing note in his voice that, even though he was dead serious, kept her from being angry with him. 

\---

Henrik tapped on the Instagram icon absentmindedly, scrolling through without much thought. He sighed sadly to himself when he saw the posts from his happily coupled up friends. His heart stopped when he saw it.  _ Her. _

**Ella.Gordon**

_ Åre, Sweden _

The post that followed was a short clip of her snowboarding down the mountain, one that he knew rather well, and despite his best efforts, he whimpered softly. 

_ Fuck life  _

_ Fuck you  _

_ Fuck love  _

_ And fuck your friends too  _

_ I keep on hanging by a thread  _

As he watched the video loop over and over again, he furrowed his brow in contemplation. Was she still in Sweden, so close yet so far, or had she already moved on to her next adventure? He double tapped, as if by sending the heart right over the middle of her post might make her come back to him. 

The video looped countless times, and he sat helplessly, wishing he knew where to find her, wishing she hadn’t posted it. He dragged himself out of bed reluctantly, running a comb through his hair and staring in the mirror, convincing himself to get outside and to be productive. 

But when it hit him that the Freya who had been his had rebranded herself, a fresh wave of pain washed over him and he made a phone call. 

“Cancel my lessons for today, I need--I need a breather,” Henrik nearly whispered into the phone, and the voice on the other end was kind and understanding as she told him she would get on it. 

He sunk into the bed, pulled a pillow over his eyes, and cried. He cried until it felt hollow behind his eyes, until the tingling in his chest subsided, until his throat was dry and his head ached. He rolled onto his stomach, burying his face in the pillow again and he dry weeped. There weren’t tears left, and he felt like a husk. 

Maybe one day, he could look back on this day and laugh, but it felt like it’d be a lifetime and a half before he reached that moment. He let out a deep sigh, folding his hands on the back of his head even as the sobs racked his body. 

When he finally felt as though he couldn’t cry anymore, he picked up his phone and dialed Lucas without thinking. 

“Henrik?” the groggy voice answered. “Why are you calling me at 2am?” 

“Huh? Oh, I’m in Sweden.” 

“Can this wait until later?” Lucas asked, and Henrik sighed softly. 

“I don’t know, I’m kind of feeling really alone right now,” Henrik said, and he could hear a rustling of sheets and imagined Lucas was sitting up. 

“What happened, Henrik?” Lucas asked, just barely remembering not to mention anything about El. 

“Lucas, brother, we broke up.” 

“I--” Lucas sighed, shaking his head to himself. “Yeah, El told me.” 

“You spoke with her?” Henrik’s eyes widened. “When?” 

“I promised her I wouldn’t say anything,” Lucas said. “But I do want to hear your side of things.” 

Henrik let out a small breath before trying to tell his story without being too biased. Once he was finished, Lucas let out a low whistle. 

“What a mess,” he said, and Henrik groaned. 

“Not what I wanted to hear, but you aren’t wrong.” 

“El should have told you she was going,” Lucas said firmly. “That’s what I’m stuck on. You know I love the girl to death, but I really think you should move on.” 

“Gosh, thanks, Lucas,” Henrik said sarcastically. “I can’t just clap my hands and be done, you know this.” 

“Yeah, I do know, but I also know I can’t give good advice when you’ve woken me up at 2am” 

“Oh, right. Sorry, Lucas.” 

“Maybe this will come out of left field, but have you ever considered going to therapy?” Lucas asked, and from the surprised silence, he knew the answer. “I’ve been chatting with Gary a lot, and he says it’s helped him. Maybe you should try it.” 

“I guess. It couldn’t really hurt, could it?” 

“Just try it,” Lucas mumbled, and Henrik could tell he was about to lose his best friend to the claws of slumber. 

“Alright, Lucas, I’ll try it. Just for you.” 

“I’m hanging up now,” Lucas said, and just like that, the line went dead. Henrik flopped back against the pillows and shut his eyes. He was instantly flooded with the best memories of his days with Freya, currently known to the public as  _ Ella Gordon _ , and his stomach flipped and turned until he felt like he might throw up. 

Sure, he could try like hell to get over her, but once a woman like that worked her way into his heart, there was no turning back. There was no one else like her, and there never would be again. 

But as much as he understood her need to put distance between herself and her perceived problems, he felt discarded and useless. He just wanted to be there for her, to soothe her, to salve her pain, and she wouldn’t let him. If he was being honest, she wouldn’t let anyone do it, but it hurt a lot all the same. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry :'(((((((


	15. Schweigmatten (difficult) or Devil's Crotch (double black diamond)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh what a treat, the PD update is a day early!! 
> 
> um, brace yourselves. this one hurt to write. 
> 
> there will be mentions of substance(alcohol abuse) in the next chapter or two, possibly three, and some dark thoughts, but I will try and gloss over it <3

###  Quinze

The line crackled for a moment before it started ringing. A groggy voice answered slowly. 

“Yeah?” 

“Marisol, do you have a moment?” Henrik asked nervously. 

“Ugh, I haven’t had my coffee yet.” She grunted, and he could hear her rustling around. “But sure, I can chat. What’s happening?”

“Have you heard from Fr—El lately?”

“Bones? No, I haven’t, not for at least a month or two,” Marisol said coldly. “Didn’t you two break up?” 

“Does that mean I can’t still worry about her?” 

Marisol paused for a moment, letting his words sink in and calculating her response. “No, of course not. I’m just curious about your motives.”

“I don’t really want to have  _ this  _ talk.” Henrik groaned. 

“She’s still my friend,” Marisol scoffed. “And I care about her, too. If you’re not trying to fix things, leave her the hell alone.” There was more fire in Marisol’s voice than he’d ever heard before, and he started, but couldn’t speak for a few beats, as her words sank in. 

“I… You’re right,” he sighed softly. “Maybe I’m being selfish, I don’t know, Mars, I just really miss her.”

“I don’t know how you’ll take this. Or if I should even say it.” 

“Just spill it,“ he breathed. 

“Okay. Lucas knows where Bones is.”

“What?” Henrik sprung to his feet in surprise. “How?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know!” She exclaimed. “But he won’t tell  _ anyone  _ no matter how much they ask.” 

“Why am I the last to know?”

“Because you’re the first one who would go to her.” Marisol sighed. “And she  _ doesn’t want to see you.  _ Gotta go. Let’s grab drinks and catch up soon, alright?” She clicked off, and Henrik fell into the hotel room’s barely comfortable recliner. He wanted to call Lucas and beg for answers, but he knew in his heart that it was a terrible idea. He still felt bad about calling him at 2am, after all. 

“Just breathe,” he reminded himself. In a few days, he’d be doing his last mountain tour in Sweden before hopping on a plane and following his things back to Colorado. Maybe someday, El would come back to him. Wherever she was, he just hoped she was happy and healthy. He stared out the window pensively, feeling too much like a caged animal. He wanted answers, he wanted  _ her,  _ and he wanted to fix this rift between them. 

What if she’d moved on? Wherever she was (and he imagined she was on the opposite side of the planet, knowing her), she’d probably found someone she liked a lot better than him. Someone who could always soothe her pain and ease her fears like he’d tried and failed to do. 

__

Lucas walked into Henrik’s place a little tensely. It felt like it had been well over a year since they’d seen each other, and he hesitated awkwardly by the door. 

“Hey, Lucas.” Henrik smiled weakly as a greeting. “Want something to drink?” 

“I’m alright,” Lucas replied stiffly, and Henrik’s muscles tightened. He looked as though he were ready to spring off of the couch and run at any moment. 

“I’ll just get right to it. I heard you know where El is.” 

“Do you want to come to Switzerland with me?” Lucas asked, hoping to distract him. Henrik perked a brow, seemingly unfazed by the abrupt subject change. 

“I guess? When?” 

“Next week. Cancel all of your plans and pack your snowboard.” 

Henrik wrinkled his nose before nodding. “Yeah, alright. That could do me some good.” He tilted his head. “Look, I’m not asking you to tell me where Freya is. I just want to know if she’s alright.” 

“She’s thriving.” Lucas embellished a little. He’d only spoken with her a few times since she’d landed in Switzerland, but each time she’d told him that she was getting a lot done and learning a lot, too. 

That sounded close enough to thriving to work. Henrik breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Good. I’m glad.” He breathed in. “Really glad.” 

\--

Almost as soon as they got to the mountain and strapped their front feet into their boards, Henrik could have sworn he saw someone who looked a lot like El, except her hair was chopped a couple inches above her shoulders and a bit darker than her strawberry blonde. She didn’t turn around again; she seemed to be taking a student to the beginner area. 

He shook it off. It must have been a coincidence. He turned to Lucas. “Where to?” 

Lucas shrugged and picked a direction at random. They ended up atop a medium run, and it looked a little steeper than Henrik expected. 

“Shit,” he mumbled. 

“Ah, you’ll be fine,” Lucas encouraged. 

“The pins in my leg don’t agree,” Henrik joked. Lucas rolled his eyes and turned down the mountain, knowing well that there were no pins in his friend’s legs. Henrik mumbled a swear under his breath before following him. 

On their third day, Lucas ventured off by himself, leaving Henrik to his own devices. He decided to hit the slopes on his own; they hadn’t groomed the slopes and those were his favorite conditions. Lucas had always preferred groomers to powder, anyway, and since they weren’t grooming, he wanted no part. 

As he skated to a lift, he heard voices behind him. 

“Excuse me, would you mind sharing this lift?” He could have sworn it was El’s voice, but when he turned around, the owner was unrecognizable in her goggles and facemask. She was accompanied by a man with chin length blond hair tucked under an olive green beanie and a kind face. 

“Sure.” He got in line with them, thinking nothing of it. 

“Thanks!” She turned to her partner. “Alright, Svenny?” she asked her partner, and he nodded. Once they were on the lift, a little ways up the mountain, she pushed her goggles onto her helmet and pulled her balaclava down to take a drink out of a small flask. “Svenny” tutted. 

“I don’t have obligations today!” she protested, before turning to look at Henrik, who’d pushed his goggles up and his fleece lined gaiter down. They looked at each other with eyes the size of dinner plates. 

“H-Henrik?” Her mouth fell open, and she shook her head as though she were an etch-a-sketch and could clear his face just like that. He stared at her, mirroring her shocked expression, unable to call forth any words. 

“Oh, so  _ this  _ is the skithuvud who broke your heart.” Sven broke the silence, and it was enough to break Henrik from his stupor. 

“I don’t want to talk about it in front of a stranger.” Henrik tried to scowl, but it came out as more of a disgusted expression. El sat quietly, staring at nothing in particular, and didn’t respond to either of them until well after they’d unloaded at the top. 

“Can we talk, Freya?” Henrik asked, and she shook her head.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” 

“You should talk to him,” Sven told her with a light shove. 

“Who  _ are  _ you?” 

“Your long lost brother!” Sven drew Henrik into a bear hug. 

“I don’t--” 

Sven told him something in Swedish before releasing him and skating away. El frowned, wondering what he’d said.  __

She turned to Henrik, motioning for him to skate with her out of the way. 

“I’m not ready for this,” she said, tugging her mittens up. “I don’t know what to say, what to do. I want to apologize but I--” her voice caught, and she looked away. “You’ve moved on, right? Did you bring her with you? Or is she--” 

Henrik interrupted her by throwing his arms around her and kissing her. She hesitated briefly before allowing herself to melt into the kiss, her hands flattened on his chest. “There’s no one else,” Henrik said when they broke away. 

“You can’t show up here and kiss me in the most beautiful place in the world and expect this to just go away, Meatball!” she protested. He caught her hands in his, holding on for a moment. 

“Don’t you think I know that, Freya?” he asked. She blinked away tears as she looked up at him. 

“We can’t talk about this here, alright? We’ll--we can go to my room later. Meet me at the lodge in a couple hours. I need to get some turns in with Svenny. He’s been coaching me.” 

“Alright, have fun with  _ Svenny, _ ” Henrik said, strapping his foot into his binding and rocking down the mountain. El cursed under her breath as she watched him go, and it took everything in her not to crumple on the spot. 

\--

Henrik paced the room as El slipped out of her snowsuit, hanging it neatly on the hooks lining her wall. She slipped her boots out of the bag and onto a boot dryer and finally turned to him. 

“I’ve missed you,” she said softly, her eyes falling shut. “But…” 

“But? Are you ready to apologize, or are we going to stay apart forever, Freya?” Henrik asked, and she felt her stomach tighten. Just his proximity did something to her, and she had to force herself to stay still, to sit across the room, to wait. She felt vulnerable, stripped down to her undergarments, and her fingers hovered over the back of her bra before she finally unhooked it. 

She watched as Henrik drew in a labored breath, as his heart appeared to stop. She slipped the bra off from underneath her shirt and hung it on her bedpost, already feeling her skin flush at the way he was looking at her. Maybe it was the wrong thing to do, but she couldn’t help herself when her body was begging her to run to him. She slipped her top off, and Henrik pulled his lower lip between his teeth, clearly struggling for control. 

“Freya, what--” 

She shimmied out of her pants, until she sat on the edge of the bed, completely naked. He lost his internal battle and moved to her, crushing her lips against his, wrapping her lithe body up in his arms, flattening her against the mattress. She trembled beneath him, her body hungry for his, her breaths coming in faster. Her fingers ripped down his zipper, pushed his coat off of his shoulders, tore off his shirt--and the sensation of his bare skin against hers made her want to cry in relief. 

He teased his fingers around her entrance before slipping them into her, with a violence he’d never possessed before. She gasped, and her back arched, her head thrown back against the pillow. He sunk his teeth into the space between her neck and her shoulder, and she cried out softly, surprising herself. Her hips rocked against his hand, and her breaths were little more than intense gasps for air. 

He bit his lip, and just beyond the muted fury in his eyes, she saw the love, the adoration, and the pain. She shut her eyes to hold back her own emotions, only opening them to see that he had drawn away from her, and was removing what was left of his clothing. He pushed her thighs open with his calloused hands as he positioned himself, pushing into her forcefully. Her back arched involuntarily, again, and she shoved a fist against her mouth to keep from sobbing out her pleasure and relief. 

His hand moved to her throat, and her eyes rolled back as she wrapped her legs around his hips. He drove into her at a furious pace, and she felt as though she were going blind. Her eyes snapped open and with a burst of strength she didn’t know she possessed, she shoved him onto his back and mounted him. She rode him furiously, burying her hands in his hair and pulling. His brow furrowed, but just beneath the anger, he could barely hold back his soft gasps of bliss. 

Her hips moved on him ferociously, until he reached up, pulling her lips to his by her hair. She gasped against his mouth, but closed her eyes as she kissed him with hot fury and passion. He tangled his hands in her hair, holding on tightly, and the pain kept her in the moment, kept her from yelping as he began thrusting into her from below. She kissed him again, instead, before moving to sink her teeth into his neck. She knew she was going to leave marks, but she didn’t care, he’d probably left marks on her. 

They’d left bigger marks on each other, intangible ones, so what did a bruise that would heal in a couple weeks anyway matter? 

“Freya--I’m--” 

El rolled off of him, lying flat on her stomach beside him. He took a moment to steady himself before sliding back into her, pulling her by the hair with one hand while the other reared back to slap her ass. Her stifled moans were music to his ears as he kept up a fast and hard pace, tugging her head back occasionally so she couldn’t bury them in the pillow. 

He could feel her trembling beneath him and found himself surprised. Of course, he enjoyed this, but why was it shocking that she did? Why did it almost bother him a little bit that she was practically sobbing in ecstasy as he used one hand to pull and one hand to slap, and he drove into her at such a furious pace--

“Oh, fuck,” he breathed, his hips shuddering and slowing to a stop as he finished abruptly. He untangled his hand from her hair, and she buried her face in the pillow, her hands covering the top of her head. He cleaned himself up in the tiny bathroom, splashing cold water on his face and feeling intense deja vu. “Oh, god,” he breathed, and when he returned to the room, El hadn’t moved. 

He sat next to her on the bed before drawing her into his arms. She broke down into gasping sobs, clinging to him, trying desperately to stop herself from crying. He smoothed down her hair, doing whatever he could to soothe her, but her tears didn’t slow. He couldn’t speak, he could only hold her helplessly. 

“God, we shouldn’t have done that,” El finally said, taking deep breaths between shorter sobs as she tried to calm herself. “Oh, god,” she breathed, before pushing away from him, pulling on her clothes and grasping at thin air helplessly. “I’m so stupid,” she said in a tiny voice. 

“No,” Henrik said, standing up, still naked. She froze in place, turning slowly to him. 

“This isn’t going to fix anything, we’re still so mad at each other, Henrik.” 

“You’re not stupid, Freya.” 

“I think I am! What am I doing, thinking sex will just automatically fix this? That we’ll just start loving each other again? I mean--” She crumpled back onto the bed, folding in on herself. With no tears left to cry, she buried her face in her hands in exhaustion. 

“I’m sorry for that, Freya,” Henrik said softly, his voice small and weak. “I really don’t know what came over me.” He met her gaze, shaking his head sadly. “I’ve never stopped loving you, Freya, even though you’ve hurt me.” He pulled his clothes back on, suddenly feeling vulnerable. 

“I never stopped either, Hen. I’m just not ready to do this again, god, I’m such a mess.” She slumped over on the bed, and he sat beside her, coaxing her back into his arms. She sagged against him, huffing softly. “I don’t need this, I don’t need you coming here and derailing me right now.” 

“What? Freya, that’s not what I meant to do, I didn’t know you were even here!” Henrik protested defensively, and her eyes widened. 

“Then who are you here with?” She bit her lip, and he could tell she was just a little frightened of the answer. 

“Lucas. Do you really think I would move on this quickly?” 

“It’s been months, Hen.” 

“So you’ve moved on,” he said dejectedly. Her mouth hung open as she stared at him in disbelief. 

“Yes, Henrik, because I’d really do what we just did if I--” She shook her head, almost tempted to laugh at the absurdity of the idea. She didn’t. She wrung her hands, looking away from him. “What do we even do here? I can’t do this, Henrik, I just can’t.” 

“I don’t want to lose you, Freya,” he said, his voice miniscule as he sat on the edge of an armchair. 

“I don’t know what to do,” El said, shaking her head. “I’m not ready. I’m afraid I’ll just hurt you again.” 

“But I hurt you, too,” Henrik said softly, and she let out a huff. 

“I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you where I was going. I’m sorry for all of it.” 

“And I’m sorry for hurting you. For not trying harder to be there for you.” 

El rested her chin on her hands and sighed. “We really can’t do this now. Even if you’re ready to love me better, I’m not there yet. I still have so much to work through, and I don’t want to hurt you again.” 

“Freya,” Henrik started, and she shook her head. 

“Henrik,” she said, pausing to take a breath. “I just can’t, alright? I love you so much and it really hurts me to say this, to tell you I can’t do this. But I can’t. I really can’t.” 

“Alright,” Henrik said, crossing the room, pulling his coat off of the hooks. “Then this is it, Freya. No more chances. You’re not the only one who hurts, and you’re not the only one who was hurt. I’ve apologized all I can, but this is it. You can’t do this? Well, neither can I.” 

“Wait!” Freya’s voice cracked, and he paused, his hand almost on the doorknob. He turned slowly to look at her, memorizing the way she looked in the moment, her face tearstained and blotchy from crying, her hair mussed up, her hands clutching the front of her shirt anxiously. Her mouth fell open, and she shook her head slowly. 

“This is all we seem to do, Freya. We run in circles away from each other. We cause the other more pain than we need to. You’ve gone through a lot, but so have I. But what the fuck would you know of it? You never asked.” He slammed the door behind him, leaving El with her mouth open and her eyes wide. 

And long after his footsteps retreated, she pulled a bottle out of the closet and lost herself in it.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen i need you all to know i just about cried writing this. but i hope you enjoy this journey and think that it's worth the pain. if you need to check out that's okay too <3 take care of yourselves and stay hydrated lovelies


	16. Purgatory (double black diamond) or Berter (difficult)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _posts and runs_
> 
> ok ok things are starting to look up, just bit by bit.

The pounding on the door grew louder, and El opened her eyes, pushing the bottle across the floor as she tried to figure out where she was. There were clothes hanging above her, and a closed door to her right. The closet. She dragged herself off of the floor, discouraged by the throbbing in her temples. Whoever was standing at her door was persistent, and she groaned, pushing the door open and spilling out of the closet, her knees landing on the hard floor. 

“Fuck.”

She picked herself up again and moved to the door, opening it with force. “What?” 

El should have been expecting Sven, but when she was met face to face with the sweet faced blue eyed Swede, she only found surprise. And his eyes widened in shock. 

“You look like shit.” 

“Tactful,” she said, motioning for him to come in. 

“Smell like it, too,” he said, and she rolled her eyes. A mistake. 

“Fuck, my head,” she groaned, clutching at her forehead. 

“What happened last night? You’ve got to get ready. There’s a rail jam today.” 

“A--oh fuck, oh fuck,” she sighed, shaking her head. “I don’t think I can do it, I’m hurting, Sven.” 

“Freya,” his voice was firm, bordering anger and annoyance. 

“Sven.” 

“What happened last night? I’m going to ask until you tell me.” 

“It’s over. For real over. Why do you think I’m in this state? Because we got back together and I wanted to celebrate? Fuck’s sake.” 

“So you had your heart ripped out, then,” Sven said, tilting his head as he considered. “All the more reason for you to get out there today.” 

“Oh, fuck you,” she mumbled, but she got herself cleaned up anyway, trying as best as she could to ignore the pain in her head and in her heart. 

And even though she took a few minor spills, she felt better for it, and she clapped Sven on the shoulder later. “Thanks.” 

“Oh, are you done being angry with me?” Sven smiled, and she rolled her eyes at him. “Do you regret chatting with him?” 

“I--I don’t know yet,” she said. “But if anything, I’ve learned a lot about what else I need to work on.” 

“I don’t need the details, Ella,” he said, and her eyes widened. 

“Wow, could it be that you’re finally going to stop calling me Freya?” She laughed, and he threw a lazy arm around her. 

“Not a chance, but I don’t want to ruin your good mood or anything.” 

“Oh, go to hell, Svenny.” 

\--

El competed in a few events over the next few months, most of which she had Sven by her side or at least competing as well; she was grateful for his friendship, and his company. Especially when the going got rough. In time, she would get her big invite to Aspen, but in the meantime, she needed to go through the motions of the smaller circuit to get noticed. 

And, eventually, get sponsored. 

“I had a sponsor, once,” El said one night over hot chocolate, next to a fireplace. “If I tell you this, you had better take it to your grave, Svenny.” 

“That depends on what you tell me.” 

“Hm.” She narrowed her eyes at him, trying to gauge if she could trust him. She shrugged. “I guess it won’t do any harm now. I got sponsors when I was, oh, I think 17 or 18. Anyway, they helped me move out to Colorado, and for a while, it was great. I did lessons at Breck part time to help keep myself afloat, but I fell in love with the bottle and ruined it for myself.” 

“Really?” Sven perked an eyebrow at her. 

“Well, no, actually.” She sighed, shaking her head. “I got injured and  _ then  _ I started drinking to cope with the pain. I kind of fell into a hole until I met my late fiancé. A very, very big hole. He convinced me to try and compete again. I’d started doing lessons full time but I was still scared. He got me to see that I was still strong enough to compete.” 

“That must have been really hard for you,” Sven said softly. 

“Well, yeah. But I--I need to stop letting the pain define me,” she said, biting her lip. “There’s more to me than a tragic backstory. Although, being a fool is absolutely my brand.” 

“Oh, you’re not that bad.” 

“Says you.” She stuck out her tongue. She held the mug up to her lips, taking a long sip. “I’ve been so absorbed in myself and my pain that I--I haven’t been paying attention to anything else. I’ve just been hurting others with wild abandon.” 

“We all have room to grow,” Sven said, and she frowned. 

“Do you have any deeply painful stories to impart? You know, to make me feel better.” 

“None that I want to tell you now, you’ll just cry,” Sven said, a smile crinkling the outsides of his eyes. “I’m joking, I really don’t have any to share. Don’t worry about me, my girlfriend does enough of that for all of us.” 

“Why do you never talk about her?” El frowned deeper, and he laughed. 

“Oh, I have, but you  _ are _ pretty self absorbed,” he teased, and she pouted. “No, really, I have. I’m planning on proposing soon, actually.” 

“Svenny!” El grinned, setting her mug down and pulling him into a friendly hug. “That’s so great, god, that’s just, wow,” she sighed, drinking the last of her hot cocoa. 

“Here, I’ll grab a refill.” 

She picked up her phone absently as soon as he walked away, opening instagram. She regretted it instantly, as she was immediately faced with a photo of Henrik, his lips just mere inches from those of a woman so beautiful she couldn’t be real. 

Her veins turned to ice and she stood abruptly, leaving her phone behind as she raced to her room. Her breath came in gasps as she ran down the hall, her fingers trailing against the plaster as she tried to keep her balance. She felt the tears pricking her eyelids, and the horrible pit in her stomach. 

_ He moved on. _

She stopped in front of a door, blinking back tears as she produced her key after making sure it was her door. She slipped inside and sought out the bottle of rum she kept tucked away for emergencies in the bottom of her luggage. And before Sven could come pounding on her door, demanding she let him in, she was halfway in the bottle, already feeling the sweet embrace of liquor. 

Sven let himself in, clicking his tongue as he found her on her knees with her face on the bed. 

“Freya, you can’t keep doing this.” 

She mumbled something, and he grabbed her by the back of her shirt. “Freya?” He grabbed her by the cheek, swearing softly under his breath as she just barely mumbled something. “Fuck, you’re a mess,” he grunted as he picked her up, carrying her over his shoulder. 

“Freya, for goodness sake, you were supposed to compete tomorrow. But instead, we’re going to the hospital.” 

“I’m fine,” she slurred, and he shook his head to himself. “Just leave me here.”

“Absolutely not. And you’ll be in no shape for competition tomorrow--I’m taking you to my room.” She clawed at the back of his shirt, struggling to get free. “What the hell were you thinking, Freya Ella?” he hissed, and she just groaned softly. 

“Not having this conversation,” she mumbled. He kept walking until he got to his door. He brought her inside, setting her carefully on a chair. She instantly leapt to her feet, making for the door, but she crumpled quickly, falling face first on the carpet. Sven sighed to himself, clucking his tongue. 

“How long has it been, now, Freya?” He folded his arms, watching her as she slowly picked herself up, rubbing her forehead. “I thought you were serious about competing.” 

“I am!” she protested, wincing slightly. 

“Then you have to stop drinking. You cannot do this every time you see a picture of him with somebody else. And, actually, I went ahead and blocked him for you.” 

“You what?” Her eyes widened, and he shook his head. 

“Freya, listen, I’ve really grown to care about you these last few months, but I’m not going to save your feelings,” he said, kneeling on the floor beside her. She caught his eyes, and he watched as the pain in them turned to confusion and tears. “You need to get over it, and you’re never going to do that if--” 

“I don’t want to get over it,” she said softly, bowing her head and clutching the front of her shirt. “Sven, there’s just never going to be another Henrik, okay? I don’t know how to move on when I’ll never be over it.” 

“I would slap you silly if you weren’t my favorite snowboarder,” Sven said, a teasing note in his voice, and she looked up, appraising him. “You don’t have to get over him, alright? But you need to move on. Missing the competition tomorrow is going to be a huge setback, don’t you understand?” 

“I’ll be fine, I can still compete,” she said, looking around the room. “Get me some water, alright?” 

“Freya.” 

“Sven.” Her voice was firm, and when he looked into her eyes, he saw the resolve forming, her mouth set in a hard line. “I will be fine.” 

“If you say so,” he sighed, but pulled a bottle of water out of the mini fridge anyway. “If you can down an entire bottle of rum and still be functioning--” 

“Svenny, I spent years doing so. I know it isn’t healthy, I know I need to stop, but the pain doesn’t stop. The only time I feel alright is when I’m snowboarding. Or drinking.” 

“Then stop doing stupid things that could keep you from snowboarding, alright?” He slung an arm around her, squeezing her gently. “Get some sleep.” 

“But--” 

“The couch is a pull out, take my bed. You don’t get to go back to your room until morning. And, I’m hanging onto your phone.” 

“Wow, alright, Father Sven.” 

He rolled his eyes and shook his head at her. “Forgive me for caring about you.” 

“Thank you, Sven,” she said softly, and he pushed her toward the bed. 

“Get some sleep already and leave me alone,” he muttered, and she snorted before slipping into his bed and pulling the covers to her chin. He set a trash can next to her  _ just in case  _ and she fixed him with a glare, but fell asleep quickly anyway. 

\--

“Bend your knees!  _ Freya! Bend!”  _

“Piss off, Sven!” El called, flipping him off as she skated past him to a jump. She glided into the air but caught an edge on the landing and landed face first in the snow. “Fuck!” 

Sven came to a stop next to her, tutting as he watched her get up. “I told you to bend your knees.” 

“I was bending them!” 

“Bend them more!” 

“Fuck off, you know I can’t!” 

“I know you can, Freya Ella!” He caught her by the chinstrap of her helmet and held her in place. “You know better. You’re just being stubborn.” 

He was right, and it infuriated her. She narrowed her eyes at him, but swatted his hand away and exaggerated her bent knees. He hit the jump just behind her so he could see if she landed it. And she did. Flawlessly. 

“See? What did I tell you?” 

“Leave it out!” El grumbled, heading for a rail. She slid across it, landing neatly. 

“What’s your damage today, El?” Sven asked when they came to a stop at the bottom. 

“It’s just a shitty time of year.” 

“Don’t take it out on me. If you’re going to keep yelling at me, you can find someone else to coach you.” 

El’s eyes widened and she kicked her foot out of the binding. “Sven, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was doing that. I, er, I usually drink to cope.” 

“I’m sorry that sobriety is so difficult for you, Freya, but you need to take this seriously. And, if I can be honest? You’re starting to hurt my feelings.” 

El pulled her other foot out of the binding and tugged Sven into a hug. Caught off guard, he nearly fell over, but she kept him upright. He threw his arms around her, squeezing her close for a long moment. 

“I’m really sorry, Svenny. Can you forgive me?” 

“If you bend your fucking knees, I can,” he said, before skating to the lift. 

“Hey!” she protested, hastily strapping her front foot back in and powering after him. She missed her shot and ended up on the lift with a stranger. She spaced off, occasionally chatting with her lift partner. Once she skated off the lift, she caught up with Sven, catching him by the back of his coat. 

“Not so fast,” she said, and he shot her a glare. “I said I was sorry, Svenny!” 

“Mmm.” 

“Oh, come on.” She sighed, bending to bind her back foot in. He was already on his way by the time she straightened, and she swore under her breath as she kicked off to follow him. 

He stopped at the side of a ramp, sliding backwards slowly as he waited for her. She hit the jump with ease, landing it perfectly with a short ‘whoop.’ 

“Alright, Freya, I forgive you!” Sven called after her, and she buttered before lining up to catch more speed. She ignored his jubilant cheers as she hit and landed another jump, a board slide against a rail or two, and buttered again to transition into a mellow ride to the bottom. 

“That’s so much better, Freya!” Sven exclaimed when he caught up to her. She shrugged. 

“We gotta chat, Sven,” El said, and he frowned at her. “Break time. Let’s go.” 

“You have a few more runs in you--” 

“Break time,” she reiterated firmly, and he sighed. 

“Alright.” He shed his board and followed her to a bench by a bonfire. 

“I’m going to move back to Breckenridge. I need to establish my homebase, and I want it to be Breck.” 

“Are you sure you don’t want to join Team Sweden?” Sven teased her, and she snorted. 

“Well, it’s either USA or Scotland, and Breck is just the most logical choice.” 

“Why don’t I come with you? Just for the first week or so.” 

“I--well, I’ve got to figure out where I’m going to live. One of my friends might have a room but I don’t see why not.” 

“Make it happen, Ella,” Sven said, before hopping to his feet and picking his board up. “You coming?” 

“Nah, I’m going to grab a bite,” El said, and he nodded. 

“Be good,” he said, and she rolled her eyes. 

“Yeah, yeah.” 

\--

The phone rang three times before Marisol picked up. “Hello?” 

“Hey, Mars, it’s El. Bones. Whatever.” 

“Oh, hey, Bones.” 

“I was just wondering if you still have an extra room, I want to move back this month.” 

“This month?” El could practically hear Marisol’s eyebrows raising. “I mean, sure, but so soon?” 

“Well, yeah, uh, I need to re-establish my homebase and I want to come back to Breck. I can pay six months rent up front, and I might not even be there a lot--” 

“Of course you can, come on, Bonesy.” 

“Oh, Mars, you’re a legend. I barely have any things, and I’m going to have a friend with me for a week or two.” 

“A friend?” 

“My coach,” El said softly. “So, maybe not a friend, more like an asshole who follows me around and forces me to be sober.” 

Marisol chuckled on the other end of the line and El rolled her eyes and tossed her head. 

“So is it cool? Do you have a couch he can crash on? Otherwise I’ll just make him sleep on the floor.” 

“Yeah, when will you be here? I’ll get it cleaned up for you.” 

“A month. Roughly. I’ll talk with Sven and make sure we’re clear on the dates.” 

“Hey, Bonesy?” 

“Yeah, Salsa?” 

“It’ll be good to see you again,” she said, and El smiled to herself. 

“Yeah, you too. You’d better stock up on coffee, babe,” El said, and Marisol laughed. 

“Always am.” 

  
  


\--

El shifted in her seat, tugging at her hair anxiously. Sven poked her in the ribs. 

“Would you quit fidgeting?” 

“What?” she glared at him. “I’m not!” 

“You’ve got a bald spot from pulling out your hair, Ella,” he said, pointing at her scalp. She scowled at him, and he laughed. “What’s the matter?” 

“Nothing, leave me alone,” she said, burying her nose in the book she’d discarded in her lap. 

“It’s a long flight and I’m bored,” he said, and she shrugged. 

“You’re the one who wanted to come with me, so shut up already, I’m trying to read.” 

“Oh, come on, Freya Ella,” he crooned, and she rolled her eyes and laughed softly. 

“I’m just nervous to see everyone again, alright? You got it out of me, now can I go back to my book?” 

“No,” Sven paused, tapping his chin with his index finger. “But you can stop lying to me. I know why you’re actually nervous,” he said with a sly smile. She rolled her eyes again. 

“Yeah, well, it’s easy enough to avoid that. I’ll call Lucas and have him run interference or something, I don’t know.” 

“I don’t think you can avoid it.” 

“Oh my god, Svenny, would you shut up already?” 

“You’re my favorite,” he said with a bright smile, before turning away, pulling a sleep mask out of seemingly nowhere and sliding it over his eyes. “Wake me up when they pass out food.” 

“Not a chance.” 


	17. Deja Vu (blue)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i owe a special thanks to Lauren (daisybarks) for putting up with me and beta'ing this for me. you're my hero and ilysm :hennyhappy: 
> 
> anyway, posting and literally running

  
  


El woke Sven up by bonking him in the head with a pillow. “Get up, I want to watch tv.” 

“What?” He sat up slowly, frowning at her. “No way, we’ve got to go running.” 

“Oh my god, can’t we settle in for one day?” she demanded, and he shook his head, bending down to straighten out his socks. 

“Go get dressed.” 

“Ugh! You’re the worst.” 

“You’ll thank me later!” 

They ran down a path side by side in silence punctuated by the slapping of their shoes on the ground. El found that she was struggling to keep up with Sven, and swore under her breath. 

“This altitude is fucking me up, man!” she cried, and he turned and laughed. 

“No, you’re just out of shape.” 

“How?!” 

He slowed down a little to let her catch up, and she glowered at him. “It’s probably the altitude, but that’s a shitty excuse, you’ve been in the mountains for months.” 

She stuck her tongue out at him and picked up her pace, easily overtaking him. “Syke!” 

“You little shit!” Sven exclaimed, but he was laughing as he caught back up with her. 

“You’re gonna miss me!” El teased him in a sing-song voice between breaths. 

“If you can talk, you’re not running fast enough!” Sven redirected, and picked up his pace. She grunted and followed suit, until her arms were glistening with sweat and she couldn’t talk anymore without gasping. 

They ended up putting in quite a few miles before heading back, and El immediately hopped in the shower while Sven chatted idly with Marisol. 

She came out to find a nice breakfast of fruit and oatmeal, and perked an eyebrow at Sven. He shrugged and pushed past her to the bathroom. 

“He’s nice,” Marisol said as El sat at the table, planting her elbows on the surface. 

“Sure, if you’re into being yelled at every waking minute,” El said. “Ugh, he’s great, and he’s been an amazing friend. I’m sure I’d be in a world of trouble without him.” 

“He cares about you a great deal, I can tell,” Marisol said softly, covering one of El’s hands with hers. “He wouldn’t push you like he does otherwise.” 

“You’re right.” 

“Lucas is throwing a party tomorrow. You two should come.” 

“Yeah, we can make an appearance, I could use the distraction.” 

Sven sat down at the table then. “What’s up?” 

“Want to go to a party tomorrow?” El asked, and Sven raised an eyebrow at her. 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” 

“I’ll be fine. I’ll stay away from the stuff.” 

“I’m in this with you, Freya. You don’t have to do it alone,” he said, punching her shoulder playfully.

“That means the world to me, Svenny,” she said softly, almost in awe. She couldn’t believe that this man was willing to stick by her side through any of her problems (and lately she’d had more than her fair share) and help her see it through to a solution or at least try to soften the blows. 

El couldn’t have asked for a better friend and coach in Sven, and she imagined one day she might even tell him so. 

\--

When El finally stepped out of the bedroom, both Sven and Marisol drew in surprised breaths. 

“Holy shit, Freya, I didn’t know you could clean up like that,” Sven said, almost reverently. 

“Calm it, you’re getting married,” she teased him, moving to check herself over in the full length mirror in the hallway. “Do you think it’s too much?” she asked, but one glance at Marisol told her it was fine. Her friend wore a silky burgundy number with cap sleeves, and mini boots. El studied herself in the mirror. She’d piled her hair on top of her head (it had grown quite a bit since Zermatt) and done a cat eye look.

A satin emerald green spaghetti strapped dress clung to her body, the silky fabric shining under the hallway lights. She wore strappy black stilettos that added at least three inches to her height. Her hair had faded back to its natural strawberry blonde, and a few tendrils hung in her face. 

“No, but really, Ella, you look incredible,” Sven said, squeezing her hand affectionately. “You’re going to break a thousand hearts at this party.” 

“You’re so beautiful, Bonesy,” Marisol said softly, and El pouted to accentuate her full lips, lined with red lipstick. 

“Stop it,  _ you’re _ beautiful, Salsa. Come on, let’s go, our ride’s here,” she said jokingly, turning to Sven. 

He took the car keys from Marisol and drove them to the party. It was just getting dark, and El sat in the front seat beside Sven, holding onto the edge of the seat nervously as he drove. 

“It’s alright, Freya,” he said softly, reaching for her hand. She took it and squeezed, staring out of the window and refusing to make eye contact with either of them. Marisol perked an eyebrow from her seat in the back. 

Marisol leaned forward to give Sven the directions, and soon enough they were pulling up in front of Lucas’s house. 

“Damn, he traded up!” El exclaimed, and Marisol chuckled. 

“He’s doing quite well for himself.”

They clambered out of the car, where the party was already in full swing. Quite a few heads turned at the sight of Marisol and El, arm in arm with Sven trailing behind, but only a few stopped to chat. Lucas was the first one. 

“El!” he exclaimed, pulling her into a tight hug before stepping back and looking her up and down. He sucked in a breath between his teeth. “Wow, just, you look, wow,” he said, and she threw her head back and laughed. 

“I know you hardly see me out of my snow gear, but come on, Daffy,” she chided him, and he shrugged. 

“I never see you dressed like this, either.” Lucas looked over his shoulder, and an uneasy look settled on his features when he looked back at El. “I’d better check on the beverage situation. Can I get you anything?” 

“No, thanks, I’m sticking to water,” El said. 

“I’ll have a beer,” Sven said, earning a glare from El. “What? I’ll just have one.” 

“Unbelievable,” El grumbled, turning and walking off. Sven turned to Marisol, quirking up an eyebrow. 

“You shouldn’t have done that,” Marisol said, shaking her head sadly at him. “She’s delicate. She feels like you’ve totally betrayed her, now.” 

Lucas came back with a beer, and Sven shook his head. “Never mind. I can’t drink it. Thank you, though.” He turned back to Marisol. “I should go apologize. I feel awful.” 

“I--” Marisol caught sight of El, and shook her head, placing her hand on his arm to stop him. “Maybe you should wait a bit.”

\--

Henrik hesitated in the hall for a moment, before he saw her. She was a vision in emerald green, a satin dress that clung to her curves, and a hurt look on her face. And when she saw him, she froze, staring directly into his eyes. His heart pounded painfully in his chest as he fought with himself to turn and walk away, to ignore her, to pretend like she was nothing more than a figment of his imagination. 

He was drawn to her, however, and he couldn’t figure out what came over him, or why he couldn’t stop himself from closing the distance between them. He needed to be near her, and before he could think twice, his feet were carrying him to her. 

\--

El didn’t storm off too far before she was met with an all too familiar face.  _ Henrik. _ Her heart skipped a beat before hitting a dead sprint somewhere in her chest, and her breath caught in her throat. For a moment, she thought that maybe he hadn’t seen her, he’d looked right through her. 

And for a moment, she felt invisible, frightened, and vulnerable. Even if she was looking her best, Henrik was the one man in the entire world who could pull that last jenga block to send her tumbling right over. Her eyes widened and her breath quickened as she waited for him to do something, anything. 

In a flash, he caught her by the wrist and dragged her into a bathroom, shutting the door and locking it behind them, pushing her onto the counter, dragging her legs around him as he lifted her up. Her head fell back and he took the opportunity to kiss the exposed flesh of her neck, to wrap her in his arms and let the sweet relief wash over him. 

El wrapped her legs around him, twining her fingers through his hair, arching her back so that her cleavage pushed closer to his face. He couldn’t resist, he buried his face in it, flattening his hands on her shoulder blades to keep her close to him. Her scent was intoxicating, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think properly, all he knew was that he needed to be as close to her as he could. 

Of all the people he’d been expecting at this party, El was the last one. As far as he’d known, she was still in Switzerland, or maybe Sweden, so far from him and possibly never coming back. He found it nearly impossible to believe that she was in his arms, gasping softly as she tried to keep herself calm. He pressed his mouth to hers in a searing kiss, and when he pulled away, her eyes were half lidded, her lipstick smudged, her chest heaving as she tried to keep her perfect composure from snapping. 

He trailed his deft fingers up the insides of her smooth thighs, and she shivered beneath him, dragging her lower lip between her teeth. He drew in a ragged breath as his fingers inched closer to her little bit of heaven. Her hips jerked toward him involuntarily, as she begged him quietly with her body. 

He stepped back, watching as she held onto the counter for dear life, the emerald green accentuating all of her peaks and valleys. God, she was the most beautiful woman in the world, and she obviously still wanted him. He blinked, trying to pinch himself surreptitiously. 

She reached for him, her legs still open, welcoming him. He slipped his fingers past the elastic, driving them home, inside of her. She gasped softly before covering her mouth hastily. She whimpered against the back of her hand as he thrust his fingers inside of her, occasionally swiping his thumb across her clit. 

With a soft whine, she pushed his hand away before pulling him closer again, his hips between her thighs. He ground against her, and she could feel him hardening just between her legs. She reached between them, fumbling until she was unbuttoning his pants, reaching past his waistband, tugging him toward her. He kissed her again, heedless of the fact that he was ruining her lipstick. 

She slid his pants off of his hips, coaxing him toward her. He slipped his fingers back inside of her, and she clung to him, trying to keep herself from weeping her relief at his touch. 

And if the thought that they shouldn’t be doing this crossed El’s mind, it was gone as soon as he slipped inside of her, thrusting slowly at first until he found a hot and heavy pace. She wrapped her hands around his wrists to steady herself as he used his hands to balance himself on the counter. El’s head fell back and she moaned as softly as she could manage as her grip on him tightened. 

His pace quickened until they were both panting and gasping for air. As much as she tried, she couldn’t keep the tears from surfacing and eventually falling down her cheeks. She buried her face in his shoulder as he kept thrusting. He slipped his hand between them, searching out her clit, furiously adding stimulation. She cried out unexpectedly, crumpling in his arms as she shuddered her release. 

Henrik followed suit shortly with a short sigh. He pulled out abruptly, moving to clean himself up while El straightened herself out, fixing him with a glare as he zipped his pants back up and made to leave.

“What the fuck was that?” El demanded, catching him by his sleeve. He stopped, his breath catching in his throat as he fixed his gaze on her, really seeing her this time. Her lipstick, smudged all over her face, her flushed cheeks, her heaving chest, the panic in her eyes. 

“Freya--I’m sorry,” he said, and she slipped off of the counter. 

“You should be. We haven’t spoken in months, and this is the first thing you do when you see me?” 

“Why didn’t you stop me?” 

“I wanted it, too, but--christ, Hen, your girlfriend is probably worried sick about you.” 

“Girl--Freya, no, I don’t have--” he almost laughed, but shook his head incredulously. “What made you think that I have a girlfriend?” 

“Your instagram.” El folded her arms across her chest, before turning to assess the damage in the mirror. “You couldn’t have said hi or something first? You really just had to jump my bones?” she demanded as she dabbed at the smeared lipstick, cleaning herself up until it looked like nothing had happened. She pulled the tube of lipstick from her handbag with an annoyed sigh. 

“That was a modeling gig, a favor for Lucas. I don’t even know her name. I knew I shouldn’t have done it,” he said, his brows knitting together. 

“And the other thing.” 

“I don’t know what came over me, I saw you and it just--it was like--” 

“Like we have magnets in our stomachs drawing us together?” 

“Exactly like that,” he sighed, leaning against the wall. “I’m sorry, you deserved better. Welcome home, Freya,” Henrik said, trying to smile. It was shaky, paper thin, and just behind it she could see his trepidation, his sorrow. She bit back the slew of curses she wanted to sling at him and threw her arms around him instead. 

“I missed you,” she muttered as she curled her hands around the back of his head. She heard his breath hitch before the tears began to flow, and she held him tighter, trying to soothe him as her chest went hollow. 

“I’m so sorry, Freya, I’ve been so fucking stupid,” Henrik breathed between hiccuping sobs. She pulled back, wiping tears off of his cheeks with her thumbs, surprised that her eyes were still dry when they’d flowed so easily just minutes before. She chalked it up to not wanting to ruin her makeup further, because her stomach was twisting and she felt the horrible pangs in her chest as she looked him over. 

“You said no more chances, I’m honoring that,” El said softly, her thumbs tracing gentle circles on his cheeks as he began to calm down. He lifted his eyes to hers, and she fell forward, as if drawn by a magnet, pressing her lips to his. 

He kissed her hard, his arms wrapped tightly around her, as if he wanted to meld their bodies together, to never let her go again. But he had to. She slipped out of his arms, tutting as she checked her reflection. 

“I’ve got to fix this again. And we can’t spend all night here,” she said, fixing her lipstick. He glanced in the mirror and turned to her. 

“Would you help me with this?” he asked, pointing at the red streaks around his mouth. She stifled a nervous giggle and nodded, wetting a tissue and dabbing it carefully before rubbing the stains off of his mouth. Once satisfied, she let him wipe his mouth dry. 

“Better?” 

“Better,” he said, turning to her. “Let’s find somewhere to talk, then.” 

She cracked open the door, surprised that no one was waiting or watching, until she stepped out and spotted Sven. Her heart dropped, and she couldn’t figure out why it felt like she had done a major wrong. He shook his head at her and turned, walking away. 

“Fuck,” she breathed, bracing herself against the wall as Henrik joined her. He perked a brow at her. “I think I need to go talk to Sven, he looks upset.” 

“Wait, you brought him here?” Henrik’s eyebrows raised, and she caught him by the wrist. 

“Oh, just come on, I’ll explain later.” 

\--

El found Sven sitting on the back deck, sipping a glass of water. She sat beside him, and he sighed. 

“You do make really stupid decisions, Freya,” he said, and his voice was laced with disappointment until he caught sight of Henrik. “Actually...” He stood up, squaring up to Henrik, who definitely had a good six inches on him. Henrik wore an amused expression until Sven began to rant at him in Swedish. His eyes widened before he ranted back. Occasionally El caught a ‘Freya’ in the mix and a glance from either one of them, and she shivered in the early spring air, but not from cold. 

After a while, it seemed as though a fist fight were inevitable, and El couldn’t have that. She planted herself firmly between them. 

“Stop it! Stop it  _ now. _ ” El demanded, and they instantly quieted down, much to her surprise. “This is a party, we’re meant to be having fun, aren’t we?” She glowered at both of them, and Sven laid a hand on her arm. 

“I was trying to find you so that I could apologize,” he said softly, and she tilted her head at him in clear confusion. “I felt horrible about the beer, I didn’t end up getting one. I shouldn’t have done that to you.” 

“Oh, oh wow, thank you, Sven,” El said, her eyes wide. “I--I forgive you.” She flung her arms around him in a quick hug, not missing the hurt look of confusion on Henrik’s face. “I really need to chat with Henrik, Svenny. Are you sure you want to stay for this?” 

“Not even a little bit,” he said, glancing at his phone. “Oh! I’ve got to call my girl, you be good, Freya Ella,” he exclaimed, giving her a playful shoulder punch. She rolled her eyes and motioned for Henrik to sit with her. 

“So, Sven.” 

“Yeah, explain,” Henrik said, his eyes narrowed just slightly. 

“He wanted to come here for a week or so to make sure I don’t--” El hesitated, and it was clear to Henrik whatever she was struggling to say was painful. He waited patiently as she huffed a sigh and forced herself to continue. “He just wants to make sure I don’t start drinking again, I fell into some bad old habits when we were in Sweden and Switzerland.” She looked down at her hands. 

“And it hurt me to see you with someone else, even if it turned out she was just a nameless model. I know, no more chances, but I just--god, I missed you,” El said softly, tugging the front of her dress down as much as she could while sitting. 

“I don’t regret us,” Henrik said softly, chewing on his lip as he thought. “I regret how this ended, and that we’re not together. I regret saying no more chances, Freya, that was a mistake. I would wait for you as long as this takes.” 

“I--what?” Her eyes widened as she scrutinized him, trying to decide if he was serious. He looked sincere, and she bowed her head. “I’m going back to Zermatt for a bit with Sven and his fiancée.” His face fell even if he tried to hide his emotions from her, and she felt a pang. “I’m trying to get noticed, I’m trying to get my X Games invite. I wish I could just say I have time for this and that we could make it work, but I think it’s better if we start out slow.” 

“Whatever you think is best,” Henrik said softly, and she frowned. 

“But what about you?” 

“Huh?” Henrik perked an eyebrow. 

“What do you think is best?” 

“Not spending another minute apart from you,” he said without thinking, and El stared at him for a long moment. 

“I--maybe we can--” El’s face dropped and she stared at her hands, trying to call the words forth and failing for a long moment filled with tense emptiness. “Maybe we can compromise,” she said, finally, and he blew out a long breath. 

“Compromise?” 

“Um,” El sighed, scratching her chin awkwardly. “Maybe this will sound weird, but I want to get to know  _ you. _ Without the physical aspect. We can’t keep doing that, it’s not helping us.” 

“You’re right,” Henrik said, sighing sadly. 

“But I’m not saying we can’t eventually. I just don’t think it’s fair to try this when I’m going to be off traveling constantly. I’m going to be exhausted.” 

“At least you’re doing what you love,” Henrik said, and she smiled slowly.

“Yeah, I’m--” 

She was interrupted by Sven running outside and pulling her off the chair in a sudden hug. 

“FREYA!” he exclaimed. “You did it!” 

“I did what?” she demanded. 

“You’re in the X-Games!” 


End file.
